Menstrualfuck
Greenlighter
There is one question that each individual, with all sincerity, must emanate in order to fully be aware and this question is, “who am I.”
I watched a debate on a news program called The Morning Show broadcasted over youtube discussing the use of salvia. There were sets of people that solicit two different poles on the circle of criticism among drug use. One of these people, Dr. Samuels, was outraged that psychedelics could be used to enhance one’s life, and even further pressed that drugs in this class were dangerous. One of the supporters and sellers of salvia, Frank Ramirez, claimed that before he used the drug he found his life stagnant and without purpose, but found that after using salvia it acted as proliferation in his life and helped him continue college of which he finally graduated with a medical degree. Later in the debate Samuels obtusely remarked that Frank was “a drug dealer,” and the audience clapped in condemnation of Frank's business.
The first time I did mushrooms I was soundly aware of the adverse events of bad trips with psychedelic chemicals that is accounted for in historic proportions. I will preface my experience with a prior experience to give you insight to my viewpoint on psychedelics before I took the mushrooms. When I was in junior high school I purchased what was told to me by a nomad-looking young man with scraggly, grimy dreads to be acid for five a hit. It was the larger of the sweet tarts with a smudge in the middle of it where I could see some kind of liquid was placed. Later that day my friend took it, and from what he described to me I assumed he had placebo effects and therefore concluded it wasn’t real. The next day I was going to bring it to show my friends, take it, and act like I was wigging out to have some fun. So when I got to school I showed them and proceeded to take it. First hour for me was English class, and thirty minutes in I wasn’t feeling anything, as I didn’t think I would, and kept reading a book about the holocaust that we were told to read silently by the teacher.
I was reading the book for about ten minutes, and looked up on occasion as anyone would that found a book boring, but on one occurrence after looking up I noticed the words were still floating in mid air, and I knew something was dreadfully wrong. The bell rung a few minutes after this happened and I would have to say I had hit the peak. I walked down the hall and this hellish of a thing started to happen to me. It’s hard to describe with words but I will make an attempt. Picture that in your line of sight there is a horizontal line in the middle of it. Now picture that when you move that everything shuffles to the left on the top of the line and everything vibrates to the right on the bottom of the line. This is what I was seeing. I could barely walk. When I made it to second hour I started contemplating suicide as I stared into the teachers face that was morphing into a ghoulish creature. I was in hell. After I woke up the next day I was so traumatized that I still was afraid of my sanity, and I had thought I still had some hints of hallucinations for months after. This is pretty much the symptom of posttraumatic stress disorder.
Many years later in my sophomore year of college I dabbled in ecstasy and found spiritual qualities to those experiences, but they felt superficial, so I wanted to feel this magnificent euphoria of inner peace that I’ve only heard and vicariously read about. I bought mushrooms from a good friend of mine that knew someone that had tons of them. I bought the Terence Mckenna recommended dose of five grams.
One day after class I had no homework I had to do and I decided to split the five grams with a roommate of mine and see what would happen. Because of this prior experience I didn’t eat them all at once, I ate a little to see if I would get the same anxiety I got from the prior experience and not go any further if I felt the vibe wasn’t right. My roommate on the other hand was a venturous person and ate it all at once.
When I started to feel a feeling of what some people call ‘butterflies in my stomach’ I ate the rest because it felt quite pleasant--even euphorically shamanistic. Hereafter I started to feel a different form of anxiety come on, and it was coupled with a hazy sensation of nausea. For instance, there was a subway sandwich I had bought sitting on my desk, and just the sight of it put knots in my stomach. I started freaking out. I tried IMing my friend on AOL that sold me the stuff and she tried to calm me down, but I just couldn’t settle down. I felt so blown I could barely speak. I would ask my friend how he was doing and he would stare off looking like he was in outer-body consciousness, smile, laugh schizophrenically, and subsequently say “whhaaaat’s thhhhattt budddddy?” I didn’t know what to do. All of this nausea and freakiness was fucking me up; it was fucking me up bad. I finally successfully conveyed the idea to my friend clearly enough that we should go outside.
Opening the door was like opening the gates of heaven. It was that profound. Looking outside was so gorgeous, so luscious and magnificent. The nausea was obliterated it was so beautiful. It was near sunset, when there is a luminescent pink color outshined on everything. It was like I was in Kirby’s Dreamland. With my ipod in hand I flipped to the Flaming Lips album Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, and off we went to a field nearby. In the parking lots of our university there are these towering parking-lot lights that look like obelisks; their size was amplified so much by the drug that it was like looking at the Tower of Babel piercing through the heavens. The walk there was the most heavenly walk I’ve ever taken. I was meditating with my eyes open while I walking. I never envisioned this was possible--in order for me to meditate I need complete darkness and silence (other than mantra). Our entire trip, both physically and metaphysically, to the field we never spoke a word, but somehow we just knew what the other person was feeling. I felt fully connected to him, and everything around me. We sat down in the grass in the middle of the field and there were dragonflies buzzing around that were like fairies in a wonderland. We both laid down in the field and looked up at the clouds. I recalled seeing chariots and carnivals in the clouds, and beautiful, beautiful faces of women. As the sun sunk below the horizon our trip was also submerging, and the synchronicity made me even more blissful.
To this day this experience is the totality of what life’s greatest potential can be for me. I felt everything was ok. I felt like a child. I felt like a child comforted by sucking my thumb and holding my pillow that had a specific smell that I loved, except this time I didn’t need those things for security. My security was my lack of trying to be secure. Whenever any vague or anxious feelings came over me I just didn’t fight them, and somehow it still felt right.
In that debate where Dr. Samuels tried to say that psychedelics are dangerous, it is quite apparent that he has no hands-on experience on what can happen when one takes them. Even the bad effects I had from the ‘acid’ I took taught me a lot about myself, my fears and how to let them go. Sometimes in order to get anxiety to go away you have to go with it instead of against it, like when Alan Watts described life as a stream he said if you want to get out of the stream you have to go with it and then get to the shore--you’ll only wear yourself out going against it. it's the lesson that the Chinese finger-trap teaches. Psychedelics are the same way. If I ever find myself in a bad position again with psychedelics I’m going take it in and embrace it. To the final question I posed at the beginning,“who am I,” the answer is so clear that it’s already there before you can think of it, and the day I did mushrooms was the first day I was born. I have been born every moment since.
Dr. Samuels,
Suck my throbbing cock stain.
Warmly,
"Dirty up the raw! Straight stanky! It's sloppy time!"
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_mushrooms
substancecode_tryptamines
explevel_firsttime
exptype_positive
exptype_spiritual
exptype_lifechanging
roacode_oral
I watched a debate on a news program called The Morning Show broadcasted over youtube discussing the use of salvia. There were sets of people that solicit two different poles on the circle of criticism among drug use. One of these people, Dr. Samuels, was outraged that psychedelics could be used to enhance one’s life, and even further pressed that drugs in this class were dangerous. One of the supporters and sellers of salvia, Frank Ramirez, claimed that before he used the drug he found his life stagnant and without purpose, but found that after using salvia it acted as proliferation in his life and helped him continue college of which he finally graduated with a medical degree. Later in the debate Samuels obtusely remarked that Frank was “a drug dealer,” and the audience clapped in condemnation of Frank's business.
The first time I did mushrooms I was soundly aware of the adverse events of bad trips with psychedelic chemicals that is accounted for in historic proportions. I will preface my experience with a prior experience to give you insight to my viewpoint on psychedelics before I took the mushrooms. When I was in junior high school I purchased what was told to me by a nomad-looking young man with scraggly, grimy dreads to be acid for five a hit. It was the larger of the sweet tarts with a smudge in the middle of it where I could see some kind of liquid was placed. Later that day my friend took it, and from what he described to me I assumed he had placebo effects and therefore concluded it wasn’t real. The next day I was going to bring it to show my friends, take it, and act like I was wigging out to have some fun. So when I got to school I showed them and proceeded to take it. First hour for me was English class, and thirty minutes in I wasn’t feeling anything, as I didn’t think I would, and kept reading a book about the holocaust that we were told to read silently by the teacher.
I was reading the book for about ten minutes, and looked up on occasion as anyone would that found a book boring, but on one occurrence after looking up I noticed the words were still floating in mid air, and I knew something was dreadfully wrong. The bell rung a few minutes after this happened and I would have to say I had hit the peak. I walked down the hall and this hellish of a thing started to happen to me. It’s hard to describe with words but I will make an attempt. Picture that in your line of sight there is a horizontal line in the middle of it. Now picture that when you move that everything shuffles to the left on the top of the line and everything vibrates to the right on the bottom of the line. This is what I was seeing. I could barely walk. When I made it to second hour I started contemplating suicide as I stared into the teachers face that was morphing into a ghoulish creature. I was in hell. After I woke up the next day I was so traumatized that I still was afraid of my sanity, and I had thought I still had some hints of hallucinations for months after. This is pretty much the symptom of posttraumatic stress disorder.
Many years later in my sophomore year of college I dabbled in ecstasy and found spiritual qualities to those experiences, but they felt superficial, so I wanted to feel this magnificent euphoria of inner peace that I’ve only heard and vicariously read about. I bought mushrooms from a good friend of mine that knew someone that had tons of them. I bought the Terence Mckenna recommended dose of five grams.
One day after class I had no homework I had to do and I decided to split the five grams with a roommate of mine and see what would happen. Because of this prior experience I didn’t eat them all at once, I ate a little to see if I would get the same anxiety I got from the prior experience and not go any further if I felt the vibe wasn’t right. My roommate on the other hand was a venturous person and ate it all at once.
When I started to feel a feeling of what some people call ‘butterflies in my stomach’ I ate the rest because it felt quite pleasant--even euphorically shamanistic. Hereafter I started to feel a different form of anxiety come on, and it was coupled with a hazy sensation of nausea. For instance, there was a subway sandwich I had bought sitting on my desk, and just the sight of it put knots in my stomach. I started freaking out. I tried IMing my friend on AOL that sold me the stuff and she tried to calm me down, but I just couldn’t settle down. I felt so blown I could barely speak. I would ask my friend how he was doing and he would stare off looking like he was in outer-body consciousness, smile, laugh schizophrenically, and subsequently say “whhaaaat’s thhhhattt budddddy?” I didn’t know what to do. All of this nausea and freakiness was fucking me up; it was fucking me up bad. I finally successfully conveyed the idea to my friend clearly enough that we should go outside.
Opening the door was like opening the gates of heaven. It was that profound. Looking outside was so gorgeous, so luscious and magnificent. The nausea was obliterated it was so beautiful. It was near sunset, when there is a luminescent pink color outshined on everything. It was like I was in Kirby’s Dreamland. With my ipod in hand I flipped to the Flaming Lips album Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, and off we went to a field nearby. In the parking lots of our university there are these towering parking-lot lights that look like obelisks; their size was amplified so much by the drug that it was like looking at the Tower of Babel piercing through the heavens. The walk there was the most heavenly walk I’ve ever taken. I was meditating with my eyes open while I walking. I never envisioned this was possible--in order for me to meditate I need complete darkness and silence (other than mantra). Our entire trip, both physically and metaphysically, to the field we never spoke a word, but somehow we just knew what the other person was feeling. I felt fully connected to him, and everything around me. We sat down in the grass in the middle of the field and there were dragonflies buzzing around that were like fairies in a wonderland. We both laid down in the field and looked up at the clouds. I recalled seeing chariots and carnivals in the clouds, and beautiful, beautiful faces of women. As the sun sunk below the horizon our trip was also submerging, and the synchronicity made me even more blissful.
To this day this experience is the totality of what life’s greatest potential can be for me. I felt everything was ok. I felt like a child. I felt like a child comforted by sucking my thumb and holding my pillow that had a specific smell that I loved, except this time I didn’t need those things for security. My security was my lack of trying to be secure. Whenever any vague or anxious feelings came over me I just didn’t fight them, and somehow it still felt right.
In that debate where Dr. Samuels tried to say that psychedelics are dangerous, it is quite apparent that he has no hands-on experience on what can happen when one takes them. Even the bad effects I had from the ‘acid’ I took taught me a lot about myself, my fears and how to let them go. Sometimes in order to get anxiety to go away you have to go with it instead of against it, like when Alan Watts described life as a stream he said if you want to get out of the stream you have to go with it and then get to the shore--you’ll only wear yourself out going against it. it's the lesson that the Chinese finger-trap teaches. Psychedelics are the same way. If I ever find myself in a bad position again with psychedelics I’m going take it in and embrace it. To the final question I posed at the beginning,“who am I,” the answer is so clear that it’s already there before you can think of it, and the day I did mushrooms was the first day I was born. I have been born every moment since.
Dr. Samuels,
Suck my throbbing cock stain.
Warmly,
"Dirty up the raw! Straight stanky! It's sloppy time!"
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_mushrooms
substancecode_tryptamines
explevel_firsttime
exptype_positive
exptype_spiritual
exptype_lifechanging
roacode_oral
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