Been clean of stims since May but still addicted in my mind!

[Cupid Stunt]

Last time I had any stimulants, which was Mephedrone was on May 16th. I used to fucking love spending a good 2-3 days straight out off my face cooped away in my bedroom, however... this was obviously bad for me and I gave it all up. Now I just drink now and again.

I wouldn't do it everyday but everytime I got my hands on some (usually Meph) I couldn't wait to get it up my nose. Mostly once a week, sometimes like 4 days out of 7 I was doing and these were decent sessions for no reason other than boredom and feeling good.

Well, now it's nearly October I just saw a picture of some guy snorting lines arranged to spell out "FACEBOOK" (wtf?) and I've been squirming around in my chair trying to fight off the thoughts, fantasies and urges to just give in and snort the fattest line in the world.

When will this horrible feeling go away? I haven't touched anything in ages I want to be free from it all, at least till I know I can be responsible again. It's scary because I know one line will take all the worry away. Will I always be like this? Life's fucking hard with it going through my head everyday I'm so tired from it.

I hate the thought of me doing it which is good, but the feeling it gives I know is so heavenly. I've also had a tendency to spank a few other things mostly GBL and I used to sip away at a bottle of whisky and gobble down DHC an random shit before walking outside at the age of about 18, because I simply hated being sober. I feel sorry for my old self to say the least.

 

[Bojangles69]

I think I figured out why cravings don't bother me. I mean I relapse but its usually not from cravings, last time it was because I was extremely depressed/suicidal, not because I actually wanted to use.
For whatever reason I notice people responding to cravings like they are "horrible feelings" just like you say. But the feeling is the RESPONSE to the thought, not the thought itself. When I seldom have cravings they feel just like another worthless thought passing though in my mind, and I never am provoked emotionally for w/e reason. This was like the only thing I could find different between me and some people on this forum.

Maybe instead of wishing for it to go away you just treat it like another casual thought? I mean I have SO MANY thoughts through the course of a day and because of that it makes every individual thought the much less important to me. Or maybe I'm just use to having crazy thoughts but not really reacting to them, could have been something I learned in prison.

I don't know because if I tell you to "fight" the craving that can easily just make you more emotional if you feel the fights not going in your direction. I'd really suggest that you try to treat them like any other passing thought you have. I think one of the reasons cravings don't bother me is like I said I was getting clean in prison the first time I ever really got sober, and EVERYBODY around me was AWLAYS talking about drugs, what drugs they did, how fucked up they always were, and thats why when I'd have cravings it was no different than just hearing those people talk all day.
In a weird way I guess that was a blessing, cause they seem to lack the ability to make me want to relapse. But if I want to relapse its usually because *I* want to get high for a specific reason, not that I saw a farm of poppies on tv and couldn't control myself. Thats why cravings really mean nothing, as my own PROCESS of thought can take me into much uglier places than a casual passing craving. I don't know I just can't relate to them being "horrible".

If theres other stuff going on besides cravings (depression, etc) I'd definitely say address that but would it be hard to stop responding to the cravings like you are? To stop giving them so much meaning/value over your decisions?

 

[villian]

Read this the other day and found it interesting re: cravings

Many former drug addicts find it hard to stay clean because of the powerful cravings they feel. Now, researchers have discovered exactly how such intense cravings are triggered in the brain: Just thinking about drugs or being reminded of that life may release the same brain chemical that causes a drug high in the first place.

Regina Carelli is a psychologist at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill. She and her colleagues continuously measure the brain chemical dopamine in rats that had been trained to press a bar for cocaine.

Carelli:
And what we found is that dopamine increases when animals go over and press that special bar for intravenous infusion of cocaine.

What's more, simply giving the rats a visual reminder of the cocaine also spurred a release of dopamine in the brain.

Carelli:
So for humans, these cues may be simple objects, such as drug-taking paraphernalia. And importantly, this signaling occurs on a sub-second time scale, so it may be responsible for these impulsive urges to take the drugs. And our work is really beginning to understand the biological basis of that process.

http://www.sciencenetlinks.com/sci_update.php?DocID=180

 

[sam123]

I agree with bojangles on this one. I frequently have cravings and vivid imagery within my head concerning drugs/rigs. The best thing ive been able to do is consider them as casual thoughts that come and go. Realizing that cravings will pass and i ought not let them take such great control that i feel like im under the influence of the thought. Instead i maintain they are simply feeligns associated with all the thoughts of all the dumb fucking shit i did.

However, my friend who is in the same situation as me (same sobriety time, same drugs) constanty becomes so overwhelemed by the thoughts that she become extremely anxious,concerned and fiendy.
Of course convincing yourself these the thoughts ought be causual and not control your actions is a hard task. But either way its gotta happen wether u initiate and speed the process up or it plays out naturly over time.

 

[theotherside]

I feel you brother............I did a G last night and I had work today......I went to sleep at 11am and went to work at 3pm.....broke my golden rule(never do meph on a work night). I think about the "burn" and then my nose will itch and then I am thinking of nothing else. I just quit a 5 year opiate habit so I think that I'm replacing the drone for the dones.

 

[MeddieFrac]

You have to maybe force your mind to change the way it works. Abraham Lincoln says that "each man is as happy as he makes his mind to be." Ya kno? Just kinda force yourself into a new person, a person without memories of stims at all. Just forget all about them and immerse yourself into some new hobby or start a new life somewhere. Like reading books? Like mountain biking? Rock climbing? Do you play an instrument?

Perhaps you could join the military, if you don't have any criminal records. That really rewires your brain and you become a new person.

 

[MeddieFrac]

Maybe you can start going to the sauna every day? It calms me down so much; 30 minutes in the dry sauna, then cool off in the pool for a bit before going in the steam room for ~15 minutes; cool off in the pool again and end with sitting in the hot tub for however long I feel like. Then I take a really cold shower. I feel like a whole new person as I walk out of the gym and drive home. It's really great.

For me, it gets rid of cravings, withdrawals, depression, anxiety, and generally makes me feel good.