Been an active member for 5 years and never visited the Dark Side until now

[ovo1024]

So idk if it's me coming down off of meth that has me in my thoughts or I'm bringing attention to something that should have been addressed a long time ago. I'm 25 and a drug addict. While i do have preferences I'll do most anything, alcohol, meth, heroin, klonopin are my top 4 drugs. But any benzo or any opiate I'll do. I'll do cocaine if it's there though i prefer methamphetamine. I currently stay at my dad's house on his living room floor. Have for months now. I dont own anything of significance other then my cell phone. I've always had a problem keeping jobs after a couple months I'll quit cuz I'm usually somewhere high as Fuck and have money in my pocket from the money i made, and i guess think id rather feel this good happy false feeling then goto work. Been fired though from being high at work. I have always had anxiety issues, and at 18 started abusing MDMA pretty bad which in turn left me feeling worse. I would abuse benzos and pain pills as a way to feel more comfortable social wise, which led me to just doing more drugs. At 19 i kept trying different pills at 20 i tried meth and at 21 tried Heroin. Each year I've got progressively worse. I've watched my friends get married and have kids move on in life while i at almost 26 have spent the last 5 years or so doing drugs, and "chillin" basically. Haven't kept a job havent had a car since the one my dad bought me when i was 18, my ex girlfriend left me after 2 years because I've shown that I'm not a man that can provide a future. And im very heartbroken. I know my problems are drug related. But how do i change? Honestly i want to keep getting high. But i wish i could be productive at the same time like a functional user type. Nope. Not me. I feel like I'm going to keep getting older and the years will keep passing me by until I'm 30 and im still the same person i was 10 years prior and which I'll probably kill myself. Im such a terrible person. Please help me.

 

[hikfromstik]

You are still young , you still have the stamina to quit . I was in a similar boat at age 23. You just made the biggest step by admitting to us your problem. You'll have to surrender yourself. Its gonna be hard stopping the "life style". I was lucky that once my daughter was born when I was 24 I finally strayed away from meth. This was during the meth boom of the late 90s- early 00s . I sunk to my lowest point and SURRENDERED myself . I checked into a 2 week detox program and felt better at the end . That was just the boost I needed to clean myself up. Let me tell you something, meth is a dead end street . How many meth heads are still alive at 40 or 50 from using daily ( not many). If you're this low then I highly suggest a rehab program . I don't know your route of administration, but if your smoking it or shooting its gonna kill you quickly. My friend died of IV meth from shooting it . His heart got an infection and he died in about a week. He was so gone that he was asking people to bring him meth in the hospital. Smoking meth will eat your lungs up ( acidic ) and you'll drown from fluids on your lungs. I'm being as blunt as possible because I want you to live. You just got to put yourself in the right frame of mind . After a week off meth your cravings will drop , not stop , but be manageable. If you have any questions feel free to message me.

 

[Mafioso]

You can only change one day at a time. The same way that you got into this mess is the same way you will get out.. slowly and steadily. It's going to take time to really get your life on track from what you mention- but that doesn't mean you can't be making huge progress every day until then.

The first place to start would be your drug problem and whatever issues are driving you to use drugs. It's definitely not going to make anything better and is causing more problems as well as making things worse. Now on top of all the problems you started out with, now you have addiction issues and all the lovely side effects that come along with the drugs- like the depression from heavy or long term mdma use. So the first part of the solution is to stop causing more damage. If you have questions about detoxing off of specific drugs or even multiple drugs at once you can ask them here. Some of the drugs you mention probably shouldn't be cold turkey'd.

Secondly, you need to address the things in you life that are driving you to use drugs. Lack of stability, lack of a goal, toxic or abusic relationships- it's probably better to wait to really address some of the deeper issues like past traumas on your own, but if you have a therapist to help guide you along your path then it can really help. But either way, it doesn't help to dig too deep about emotional issues when your going to bed hungry wondering where you are going to eat and sleep tomorrow. Address the tangible things, like getting a job to pay rent and buy food. Get out of unstable living situations. Build a network of supportive and positive people in your life. Some of these things will take time, but set your goals now and work toward them.

Once you have gotten through the withdrawals, have started to stabilize mentally and emotionally, and start to build structure into your life then you can really start to focus on things like happiness, finding fulfillment at a job/career, starting a family, buying a house and all the other stuff you see your peers doing. It's a bit like building a house- you have to start with the foundation and you want to make sure you have a sturdy foundation laid to build the rest of the house on. I know it's hard to still be building your foundation when you see your peers putting the final paint on and furnishing their house already. You will get there though, if you keep at it. Little by little, day by day. One brick at a time.


But for now, focus on the battle at hand. I'm guessing you are still in the acute phase? Or still using? No judgement, just asking so we can give you the best help we know how.