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Became a Poly-drug Addict - How bad off am I?

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lyricabuddy

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 31, 2011
Messages
111
Hello all,

I don't post on b/l very often, but I'm concerned that I may be getting in too deep, and looking for your perspective on how bad off I really am...

Just a bit of background - I got out of rehab about 18 months ago, when I was drinking way too much, also taking benzos, and many different stimulants whenever I could get my hands on them - usually on the weekends.

When I got out, I realized I could not go on drinking the way I was, doing meth, coke, and being addicted to benzos. However, I started taking a lot of lyrica, phenibut, and got a dexidrine script where I would binge for about 5 days every time I filled the script - pretty much right out of the gate.

I was able to get off the lyrica - mainly because my tolerance pooped out and I wasn't feeling euphoric on it anymore, no matter how much I took. Recently, I also got off the dexedrine (about 2 months ago), because it was seriously ruining my life the way I was taking it, and I couldn't seem to control myself every time I filled the script.

Now, I'm still addicted to phenibut. i have to take at least 1800 mg / day or else I get pretty bad anxiety towards the end of the day and I wake up like 1-2 hours earlier than I would like do to acute w/d's.

Although I got of the Lyrica, I couldn't drop that addiction completely, and found that I have to take at least 1500 mg / day of gabapentin or else I have the same problems more or less I mentioned about the phenibut w/d's

Unfortunately, it didn't reallly register that I had a problem, and I recently (about the last 4 months) found myself also addicted to Kratom. I have to take at least 5 grams per day or I feel like shit, and I wake up in the middle of the night.

So, to summarize where I'm at, when I wake up I have to take 600 mg gabapentin, 900 mg phenibut, and 2.5 - 3 grams of kratom just to get going and not feel like shit. Then, the same thing at about 7 PM. The biggest issue I'm having is with my sleep, because if I don't time it just right, or skimp on any of these substances, I'm gauranteed to wake up early and not be able to go back to sleep. Even if I find myself awake in the middle of the night and take some or all of these to ease the w/d, since they take at least 1.5 hours to kick in, I still end up missing hours of sleep, just lying in bed awake.

Of course, missing sleep has a very tangible ripple effect on my quality of life. Not only does the lack of sleep in itself make me feel like shit, but just having to juggle all of these substances in order to get through life is causing me some emotional trauma and constant worry. I currently have a great job opportunity, but I feel like my performance is spotty, and the lack of sleep is realy holding me back. Not to mention the >200$ / month spent on kratom, 60 on gabapentin, and 30 on phenibut every month.

My questions are: 1. do you have any advice on how i should go about tackling these dependencies? 2. How serious is my problem relatively speaking, and is this even manageble? 3. Is being addicted to these substances long term damaging to my physical health (minus the lack of sleep part) I'm worried the most about the phenibut, because I know how much it down-regulates gaba, and I'm concerned that my brain will never be able to return back to normal, or at least it would be an insurmountable task to get off it.

There's no way I could go back to rehab at this stage of my life, but I'm worried that I might be in too deep to be able to pull out on my own. I know this post was quite long, and I'm extremely appreciative to anyone who has some insight / perspective on the severity of my situation and any advice to help me regain my emotional stability.
 
I'd start tapering the kratom... Maybe decrease by 0.5g every two weeks, until you get to 1g/day. Once you're there, stay on 1g for like a month or two before tapering again.
It's not gonna be easy, but it will be rewarding in the end.
 
^ exactly, any type of drug abuse is damaging to the body OP, but what I do know IME is that the brain is a very powerful organ and given enough time it will heal itself over drug abuse.

I will post some links later on, just on mobile atm unless neversickanymore beats me to it again :D

Edit: found some threads in the Other Drugs Forum that you may want to read into:

http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/583072-Tapering-off-of-Phenibut

http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads...n)-Mega-Thread-v-2-0?highlight=Phenibut+Taper

I will post more threads as soon as I find some more that might help you.
 
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Hi lyricabuddy, I can definitely relate to the "have I gone too far" panic/reality check. I too have struggled with kratom addiction /abusing phenibut. I was combining this with valerian root and was drinking heavily daily. Since these were all legal, I kind of fell into the trap of thinking that I wasn't putting myself in any real danger. Then it hit me that I may need to slow down and I started to panic that I'd need to go back to rehab. This was NOT an option for me either. I'd already been once for heroin and could not bear to tell my family I had failed yet again.

I have since managed to quit all this shit about 4 months ago.

I was addicted to kratom for 3 years. When I quit I was taking 15g of Bali in the morning and redosing another 5g in the afternoon. The best advise I can give you is to switch strains first and foremost. I switched to Thai. There are so many different alkaloids in kratom that switching to a new strain will start depriving you brain some of what it is used to. I continued taking the same dose and felt mildly uncomfortable for 2 days after the switch (mostly just sweating) but it was totally doable.

After I couple weeks I was ready for the taper. The first day I cut my dose in half and did not redose. Surprisingly, this went over better than expected. I really didn't feel that bad at all. Then I went down 1/2g every day (this was easy because I was taking 00 capsules, so I just eliminated one every day.) In two weeks I was down to the last 1/2g capsule. Then the next day...nothing. And it was painless. I had absolutely no withdrawals or depression. I attribute this to the strain change beforehand.

As far as the phenibut goes, the first time I bought it I ended up taking 3g two days in a row and I couldn't believe it when I started going through withdrawal....just the worst anxiety ever. Scared the shit out of me so I threw the rest in the garbage. Fast forward a year and I decide I want to try it again and just be really careful about my doses. I ended up getting a new brand and taking monster unmeasured doses for week and a half stretches. How I managed to not getting addicted this time is beyond me. I might try to switch the brand and just to a really slow taper off that too. I have also found that licking my finger and dipping that in the powder and taking that instead of my full dose on my "days off" was enough to take the edge off. I hope that works for you too.

All in all, I feel amazing now--I feel more myself than I ever did. I laugh all the time, feel wittier and sharper, and find joy in life again. I only quit because I was trying to get pregnant (which I did:) but quitting ended up being the best thing I could have done for myself. I wish you nothing but the best in your journey to free yourself. I think if you take this one drug at a time and do a super slow taper you will be fine.
 
Thank you for the replies. Excellent post gradient - exactly what I needed to hear. I feel like if I hadn't already gone to rehab, and now under the microscope of my family, as if they are giving me another chance and all believe I am 100% sober, I wouldn't be so stressed out about juggling multiple addictions, but I guess this is a good thing. The worst part is feeling like my emotions are entirely based on how long it's been since my last dose - not accomplishments in my daily life. It's very inspiring to hear your story, and get that assurance that I can recover without going to rehab, and actually feel better afterwards.
 
get off the kratom first, as the gabapentin and phenibut will ease any withdrawal symptoms from its use. then get off the phenibut, taper, and use the gabapentin to also block most withdrawal symptoms. finally, taper the gabapentin until you get to a dose where you feel you're ready to jump off.

this is the best way to go about it.
 
Thanks herbavore. (On a side note, your contributions across this message board have been so inspiring to me and many others--we are grateful to have you.)

To the OP, looking forward to hearing about your progress:)
 
Beginning to feel the merits of participating in the BL community. Feels great to not be alone. Hopefully I can pay it forward one day. Your all's perspective helped me realize that I can overcome this and gave me affirmation on the right approach. I wanted to add that 6 grams kratom was my maintenace dose, but I would often take upwards of 8 -9 for recreational purposes. Over the past 2 days, thanks to the inspiration provided by this thread, I was able to drop to 4 gs per day. Although I'm getting achy legs, fatigue, and difficulty focusing at work, it's almost like the sense of fulfillment in disceplining myself (much like working out) vs. feeling gluttonous and guilty from my drug use, is more than enough to make me want to keep going. Your support and providing a sense of accountability is invaluable.
 
That's fantastic news lyrica!! Getting used to a non-recreational dose is a huge hurdle and I'm so glad you've got some momentum behind you. Give your body a few more days to begin to feel comfortable on that dose.
 
I seem to fall into that poly drug abuse category, they change a bit over time but there are always at least 2 on the go with amphet almost always there. That said Ive sucessfully (3 yrs) stopped drinking having spent more than 2 years on a bottle of whiskey a day, I quit benzos 3 times from daily doses well above 10mg and now use once in a blue moon. 16 year hash habit and 20 + year tobacco quit 10 years back.

Its a work in progress, I no longer use drugs everyday and have ditched the things that were causing me most harm. My aim is to abstain from all drugs in time but don't beat yourself up about it, it doesnt help at all,for me the self loathing is my main enemy.

We all have our weaknesses chemical or otherwise (well most do) just make sure you dont get caught up in one that really consumes your life.
 
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