Beautifully Numb

[NarcoticVanity]

Hello,
New girl here. Just want to say high! I'm a pill head. Not by choice. My injury is why I am super hooked on opiates. At first it was to keep my only my pain under control, now it serves as a multipurpose medication. Pain, withdrawal and mood stabilizer. I don't know many people who understand what it's like to need pills to function like a human. And by human, I mean numb. I can only fake normal human emotions if I numb myself. I just wanna meet some people to talk to and learn more about various things. Opiates are not my only vice. Hit me up! Ciao!

Xoxoxox

 

[Magz0]

Hi and welcome to Bluelight NV.

 

[Toknowmore]

Hey best of luck with the pain management. I have been through 20 surgeries myself already and have permanent nerve damage in my right leg, but I manage it with pills and topical treatments. Would be happy to share names of stuff I use if interested. It's good you know your weaknesses, then you can manage them. I still work full time but doubt I'll ever be medication free. I can live with that. I'll use whatever I need to in order to keep going. It's only when you stop moving that you lose. You here in the USA?
Never Quit!

 

[Bernc1]

I'm happy to "meet" you. I'm a "pill head" too. You're more then welcome to learn more about me and perhaps once you do you will learn precisely why I use and it's not "pretty". Besides the fact that I do have legitimate pain disorders (and my new dr abruptly stopped them with a taper plan that is ridiculous...I was honest within saying that although prescribed 30 mgs per day that I also got them for free from a family member and actually took 100 mgs a day and his taper was giving me 32 pills and I feel like I'm losing my mind).....I used to be "numb" also. Due to extreme abuse, the loss of family member, the fact that I feel I can't function in society without them....I don't talk to my friends anymore due to this plus so much more. May I ask what your health problems are? Mine is rsd, spinal stenosis, disk displacement and a few other back disorders. Again feel welcome to read my thread and I'd be happy to be here for you as I'm also looking for people to be here for me. Also, are you looking to stop?

 

[Bernc1]

Hey best of luck with the pain management. I have been through 20 surgeries myself already and have permanent nerve damage in my right leg, but I manage it with pills and topical treatments. Would be happy to share names of stuff I use if interested. It's good you know your weaknesses, then you can manage them. I still work full time but doubt I'll ever be medication free. I can live with that. I'll use whatever I need to in order to keep going. It's only when you stop moving that you lose. You here in the USA?
Never Quit!

I would love to learn about what you use. I can't even work, can't even function with the use of oxycodone and soon I will have gone from a 100 mg a day addiction to zero and I'm so scared. You also are more then welcome to learn more about me on my thread as I could use all the help possible right now. My comment on this thread explains a little but not the entirety of all I've been through and am still going through. My meds were replaced with 1800 mgs of gabapentin, baclofen and hydroxyzine and it's not helping at all. My thread was put on "the dark side forum" for great reason and if you read my thread you will understand why. Lots of love and luck to you since I'm taking it you found safer solutions? If so that's wonderful yet if not we are all in this together....and for the record I am from the U.S...Pennsylvania to be precise.

 

[Bernc1]

Also opiates are not my only vice either. And as you basically said I can't be "me" without either oxycodone, Xanax (sometimes alcohol)....etc etc. Now without my oxycodone I don't want to do anything, I used to talk to people on fb all the time and post pics of how "happy" I am yet it was all fake. I was happy cause I had an abundance of pills. I want to say you came to the right place cause people here really understand. Again, feel free to learn more about me...I was placed on a forum called the dark side. I look forward to keeping in touch. Lots of love to you.......oh and also, sometimes it gets confusing due to user names but I'm a girl too

 

[Toknowmore]

Oxy's are a bear to quit. I got hooked about 15 years ago before one of my 7 back surgeries then quit cold turkey after surgery and went through a couple crying fits. I won't go back to them. I know how you are feeling though, they are unsettling to say the least to get off of. I don't know a good or easy way, if I did, I'd certainly share it. Now I use Lyrica, Cymbalta, Voltaren Gel, and pain patches, along with Norco every day. I can only tell you what works for me. I also stretch every day and workout three times a week. It does not have to be hard, but you need to keep moving in my opinion. If you go this way however you really need to stay away from the alcohol, because it does not mix well with this pill diet.

 

[Bernc1]

Oxy's are a bear to quit. I got hooked about 15 years ago before one of my 7 back surgeries then quit cold turkey after surgery and went through a couple crying fits. I won't go back to them. I know how you are feeling though, they are unsettling to say the least to get off of. I don't know a good or easy way, if I did, I'd certainly share it. Now I use Lyrica, Cymbalta, Voltaren Gel, and pain patches, along with Norco every day. I can only tell you what works for me. I also stretch every day and workout three times a week. It does not have to be hard, but you need to keep moving in my opinion. If you go this way however you really need to stay away from the alcohol, because it does not mix well with this pill diet.

Yes, I've been recently learning that the hard way. Passing out nearly everywhere. Including my toilet for 5 hours. And to be honest, each time I mixed the alcohol with the oxycodone? I drank WAY MORE and took WAY more pills. I'm shocked I'm not dead now that I think of it. Drinking is not my biggest vice yet now the few times I've tried it with these meds? Even worse reactions then with the oxycodone. Although I'm not advising either of course. How is the cymbalta working for you? With being giving so much already I've been afraid to add that also but now I'm thinking that I did it in reverse. The 1800 mgs (and that's just to start...I'm supposed to gradually double that amount), the baclofen and hydroxyzine combo knocks me out. I think I'm fighting my other addiction of oxycodone wds by using these and most likely could sleep all day yet I can't. It's just so very challenging. Again though, I so very highly commend you yet I also need surgery on my back and now that my rsd has gone out of remission my pain is intense and my dr will not prescribe anything besides what he has (it's not an option to switch and either way I don't want to depend on a pink pill forever) but I do think I need something stronger then neurontin. It's for nerve damage (that I get since that's what rsd is) but it's not for all else I have. I've tried all other over the counter meds, mobic, tramadol....etc etc. I just wonder where the line is drawn between needing an opiate and just wanting it. I feel I fit in the "in between" category. Isn't Norco an opiate though? I could be wrong. I've heard lyrica also is wonderful and that it does even help wds. But then I've "heard" many things so within your saying "never quit" and knowing that you mean just never give up and keep trying to fight addiction the proper way in which there is no easy way....that's probably just the best we all can do

 

[Toknowmore]

Cymbalta helps treat the depression but until you get used to it, it will definitely make you a bit dizzy. For me it's worked great but it's really what made me pretty much give up on the booze. I get searing headaches if I drink a lot while taking it. My pain specialist substituted Lyrica for Neurontin years ago for me and it works great controlling the constant nerve pain. However like Cymbalta, Lyrica needs to get to a certain blood level before they really start working well. Remember this, the more booze you consume the more depressed you'll get, bottom line it's a depressant. My Dr told me Lyrica seemed to be less harsh on the kidneys and liver as well. Unfortunately there is no silver bullet that will fix everything at once. I blew out my L5/S1 through L3/4 disks after 25 years of mixed martial arts and tried to fix as few levels as I could but eventually had to fuse all three levels as well as C6/7 in my neck. In my opinion it takes a couple different things to get better. My intense pain would have never eased without surgery, but even with some world class surgeons doing the repair they could not fix all the nerve damage, some is permanent. So next I needed to get myself as strong as I could/can and now I need the meds to keep the constant pain at bay so I can work. And yes Norco is an opiate and I have no doubt I have an addiction. But until I can stop working 40 hours or more a week I've chosen to manage the addiction versus try and get myself completely pill free. That's secondary at best to me. I don't have anyone else to lean on for retirement so I'm going to hang in as long as possible before giving in to my pain and going on disability or something similar. Yes never quit means never give up on yourself. Don't try and climb a mountain in one day either. Figure out one little thing you can improve on then do it. Once you get that in the bag figure out one more little thing. That's how I approach my life now. One little thing, one day at a time.

 

[Bernc1]

Cymbalta helps treat the depression but until you get used to it, it will definitely make you a bit dizzy. For me it's worked great but it's really what made me pretty much give up on the booze. I get searing headaches if I drink a lot while taking it. My pain specialist substituted Lyrica for Neurontin years ago for me and it works great controlling the constant nerve pain. However like Cymbalta, Lyrica needs to get to a certain blood level before they really start working well. Remember this, the more booze you consume the more depressed you'll get, bottom line it's a depressant. My Dr told me Lyrica seemed to be less harsh on the kidneys and liver as well. Unfortunately there is no silver bullet that will fix everything at once. I blew out my L5/S1 through L3/4 disks after 25 years of mixed martial arts and tried to fix as few levels as I could but eventually had to fuse all three levels as well as C6/7 in my neck. In my opinion it takes a couple different things to get better. My intense pain would have never eased without surgery, but even with some world class surgeons doing the repair they could not fix all the nerve damage, some is permanent. So next I needed to get myself as strong as I could/can and now I need the meds to keep the constant pain at bay so I can work. And yes Norco is an opiate and I have no doubt I have an addiction. But until I can stop working 40 hours or more a week I've chosen to manage the addiction versus try and get myself completely pill free. That's secondary at best to me. I don't have anyone else to lean on for retirement so I'm going to hang in as long as possible before giving in to my pain and going on disability or something similar. Yes never quit means never give up on yourself. Don't try and climb a mountain in one day either. Figure out one little thing you can improve on then do it. Once you get that in the bag figure out one more little thing. That's how I approach my life now. One little thing, one day at a time.

All wise words. I wish I was as strong as you. I just feel I can't do this. I'm stuck with an implant in my back, need to see my surgeon on Wednesday but know I won't make it. I'm 40 but have really high blood pressure. I used to be so active before this all happened. Speed walking and running 8-10 miles a day. If I didn't have a son I'd probably just end it all. I can't take anymore and feel so weak