Bad Trips and Depression

[iChelsea]

For around 6 months, SWIM had been a heavy marijuana user. Before that SWIM remembers feeling depressed a lot, and having days of sadness.
Two weeks ago, SWIM cold turkey quit smoking all together.

Around 3 weeks ago SWIM tried having a spiritual trip.

SWIM listened to the audio from Timothy Leary's website, alone. http://www.leary.ru/english/audio/

SWIM was having a very peacefull trip. THe audio guided SWIM to let go of everything. So SWIM thought about letting go, of his family, friends, memories, even of himself. After this, SWIM came to the conclusion that this was the happiest moment of his life so far. After that everything went downhill.

SWIM started talking to a close friend online about some deep things like religion, and then started having paranoid scary thoughts, which his friend seemed to confirm [like how pointless existing is](this was probably just SWIM's odd perspective being projected onto his friend) 24 hours later, SWIM was still having visual disturbances, and was very convinced that he was now schizophrenic. SWIM eventually went to sleep and woke up the next day feeling fine. SWIM's close friend brought up that same topic and SWIM's visual disturbances returned along with that panicky hopeless feeling. Ever since then, SWIM hasn't been the same.

SWIM has good days and bad days. On the bad days, SWIM feels permanantly altered. On good days, SWIM feels like he will never be depressed again. SWIM has most symptoms of depression and thinks about deep topics a lot of the time. SWIM suspects that maybe the marijuana use was helping SWIM build up barriers to cover up the psychological issues hiding within, and the trip triggered a mental breakdown of all these barriers.

Has anyone had a similar experience? Any tips for SWIM on how to overcome this?

 

[ThaiDie4]

I had a pretty intense trip a couple weeks ago, and I was thoroughly convinced for a good half an hour that I was schizophrenic too. Scary stuff :/ It took a lot of willpower to snap out of that. I'm sorry that "SWIM" had to go through a similar experience, worse than mine it seems.

Here's my opinion on the matter. I think that tripping can bring people a lot of clarity and insight, but we also have to remember that it IS a drug. Just like a drunk person will get behind the wheel of a car thinking they are perfectly able to drive, even though they aren't, you can sometimes come to "realizations" or "conclusions" on psychedelics that are not necessarily true or well-thought out. It's difficult to untangle thoughts on religion and such because a) it's so complex, b) everyone has different ideas, and c) no one path of religion is proven to be the "right" one.

Honestly I think if you want to explore into these matters more, try doing it when you are completely sober. See what ideas you come to them. When you're tripping everything is so much more intense, and I've found that many times when I'm on acid I'll think I've come to some great epiphany only to re-examine it the next day and realize that it wasn't all I cracked it up to be.

I think Overdone gave great advice. Taking care of your body and mind is the best way to overcome depression. Your mood is greatly affected by how you treat yourself as a whole (for example, exercise releases endorphins in your brain which improves mood). I wouldn't eliminate tripping altogether necessarily, but try to space out your trips and take each one with a grain of salt. Good luck I hope you start feeling better!

 

[iChelsea]

I think so too, but don't let my impression of the situation influence you.

Before the drug use, I don't remember feeling nearly as depressed, and I also recently change religious views and don't believe in a "christian" god

Also, after the trip I started having intense bouts of anxiety and then after these i feel very depressed. I get them a lot when talking to the close friend, and I think maybe we should take a break from talking for a bit.

As for examining religion sober, I feel like thats all I've been doing the past three weeks and my religious views change several times a day. I've been taking care of my body, eatings healthier and such, but I plan to start exercising because I heard that helps depression a lot.

 

[theartofwar]

exercise releases endorphins that would otherwise sit around. When you are withdrawaling from opiates , sex and exercise become the two times you feel better for any prolonged period. I suggest getting two meals in you and going to train w/some weights and try 30 minutes of outdoor activity later in the day. If you need help w/training schedule i have printouts galore that can help you keep on track , also tell you what to do. Just shoot me a msg buddy, and hope you continue to feel better.

 

[iChelsea]

thanks, it really helps to know that there are others in the same situation.

i've been trying the "easy laid back" approach, the only thing that sucks is that its a huge part of my personality. I don't know if you know much about personality typing but i consider myself very largely an INTP, "the thinker."

A large part of depression, i think, is tending to overthink. It seems like all I can think about nowadays is "what if i screwed up my brain for good, what if life is never the same" which doesn't even really make sense when I actually write it out, but it doesn't stop the feeling from going away.