Hey guys, just wanted to start off by saying that I've read a lot on this site, but this is my first post (as I haven't had the courage to tell my story) so sorry for the formatting, I know a lot of you are specific about it.
I'm here to tell you how I fucked my life up for what may be permanent from 1 bad trip. I don't know if these effects will last forever, but if anybody has any info that would help. Please let me know. As I'm terrified for my future and I don't want to live the rest of my life this way.
Background : I'm an 18 year old male with a clinically diagnosed "identified mood disorder" which I am prescribed seroquel (400 mg) and Zoloft for. As well as persistent depressive disorder. I smoked cigarettes and weed on the regular And loved to do drugs. I loved to do drugs simply because due to my mood disorder and depression I never felt as if I was normal and could conduct my self and have human interactions as a normal person would, and being under the influence allow me to perceive new ways to conduct myself that I wouldn't be able to sober. It's sounds strange but I just wanted to feel more normal.
The Bad trip : It started off as a typical Saturday night for my friends and I. as we had picked up 20 hits of acid, an oZ of weed, and snacks. Everything was fine because I had tripped before (about 17 times) and everybody else in the group had done these drugs as many times ( and for my best friends, they had done far more of every drug than I have before)Let's call my best friends "O'shea" and "mike". Along with their girlfriends, but they are not important to what I'm telling you. It was about 9 pm and I ate 2 hits of cid,O'shea ate 4, and mike ate 3. I'm not sure as too how much their girlfriends took, but they were tripping as well. As soon as the acid hit my stomache I knew it was going to be a terrible night, as I started to feel nauseous and threw up several times, but I played it off that I ate something that upset my stomach because I didn't want to freak out my friends. After a few hours ( it's probably midnight now) I'm peaking hard as hell and playing fortnite, my stomache felt better and I was having a good time. Then O'shea came back into the room with a bag of "something special". it was 2 grams of MDMA, which he snorted .6 of ( 6 /.1 lines ) and his girl snorted a bunch of as well. I had never done it before but I didn't wanna seem like a pussy so I snorted .2 and waited. Something felt terribly wrong as my face went numb and I lost control of my lips and tongue. I kept this hidden from my friends, as once again I didn't wanna scare them. I just went outside to smoke a cigarette and try to take my mind off how strange my face and mouth felt. When I came back inside, it was about 1 am. I was done peaking and my face was feeling a tad bit better so the squad decided to roll up a blunt. We went upstairs to smoke it and afterward, almost immediately, all hell broke loose. My tongue felt as if it was swollen and because my mouth was numb I kept imagining I was biting through it. I then made the mistake to look in the mirror, to which everything was wrong because the weed made my trip extremely intense again. After staring into the mirror for 20 min while tripping insanely hard, I lost my fucking mind. My tongue was in searing pain, my heart was racing extremely fast, I couldn't speak properly because of the numbness from the mdma, and all I could do was lay down and cry. I told my friend now at this point because i felt like my throats was swelling up ( I knew that it wasn't really happening, but my brain got the best of me). I laid on the back porch of mikes house in shorts crying in agony in the snow for an hour and a half. I didn't know what to do and I was too scared to go to the hospital because of how many drugs I was on. At 3am I made my friends drive me home because I was terrified for my health and well being, honestly afraid I was going to bite through my tongue (as that's what it felt like I was doing) or my heart was going to stop because of the anxiety attack that I underwent during this time of horror. When I arrived at my house I ate 1600 mg of Seroquel (4 x 400mg pill) which are prescribed to me for my mood disorder and after about 20 min, I passed out.
The aftermath: Upon waking up from my deep seroquel sleep, I had noticed that the entire sensation of my mouth had remained the same as while I was tripping. My tongue felt too big for my mouth, I couldn't tell where my tongue was in my mouth and everything had what felt like a new texture to it. I ate some Advil because I had confused the new sensations and discomfort with pain, and then went outside to smoke a cig and try to recall what all happened the night before. To my surprise, when I lit the cigarette up and tried to smoke it, it made my tongue feel swollen and my mouth hurt the same way it did the previous night. I know there is nothing actually wrong with my mouth, because I have seen an ENT (ear, nose, and throat specialist) 2 times since that trip and he has not noticed even the slightest of swelling or any other problem. Sadly, that was not the last of the changes since that horrible night.
The second wave: After about 2 weeks of smoking no cigarettes or weed, my girlfriend came over and we got a bottle of apple crown and a g of bud to smoke. I rolled a blunt and smoked it and after not even 10 min my tongue was in a searing pain, felt swollen, and. my mouth and lips felt numb. I crawled into my bed in agony laying there with a sock in between my teeth so I knew I wasn't biting on my tongue but it wasn't helping. I looked in the mirror and my face looked the same as the night I tripped (my pupils were even massive dilated ). I turned the lights off and continued to lay in my bed for about 10 min while my girlfriend keeps pt touching my wrist and neck for reasons that were unknown to me at the time. She asked me if I was cold, because I was trembling. I told her "no", and infact I didn't even notice I was trembling. She put her hand on my neck once more and took my pulse (she works with hospice and takes basic vitals everyday ) and immediately became terrified and rushed me into the car and had my brother drive me to the emergency room. She wouldn't tell me what was going on untill I was there, but when we arrive she told me that my heart rate was 146 bpm..... my resting heart rate was 146 pm . That's more than what it should be while sprinting. I began to lose my breathe, and was thrown into a vicious anxiety attack, spiking my resting heart rate up to 170bpm. At this point, my chest was in searing pain, my mouth hurting in ways unimaginable, and my arms begane to go numb. There were doctors waiting on standby to restart my heart, and they shot me up with Ativan to calm me down. After that I blacked out. The nurses tried to tell me it was laced weed. But I had my doubts, so I took it to O'shea and mike and had them smoke it. They were absolutely fine. The weed was NOT LACED, as nobody else had any problems.
More follow up: It's been a month now of no weed and no cigarettes. I can't even drink alcohol, as less than a half a beer sends me into a panic/anxiety attack. I've had problems with anxiety in the past, but never like this. I already hated my life when I was on drugs, but now that I'm sober I feel so disconnected from everybody. Like I don't really know how to associate with people. It's horrible. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. As if these problems weren't enough, some days I wake up with light sensitivity so bad I can't even leave my house (which isn't a problem, because since the incident I got a new job working nightshift so I have almost no human interaction, as it's too hard to "be human" at this point), which was never a problem untill the bad trip. Honestly I'm scared out of my wits. I don't want to live the rest of my life like this. Does anybody know of anything like this happening to anybody before, if so please help me. I'm so miserable. I'm almost at a point of giving up completely. Anything helps. God bless you
I'm here to tell you how I fucked my life up for what may be permanent from 1 bad trip. I don't know if these effects will last forever, but if anybody has any info that would help. Please let me know. As I'm terrified for my future and I don't want to live the rest of my life this way.
Background : I'm an 18 year old male with a clinically diagnosed "identified mood disorder" which I am prescribed seroquel (400 mg) and Zoloft for. As well as persistent depressive disorder. I smoked cigarettes and weed on the regular And loved to do drugs. I loved to do drugs simply because due to my mood disorder and depression I never felt as if I was normal and could conduct my self and have human interactions as a normal person would, and being under the influence allow me to perceive new ways to conduct myself that I wouldn't be able to sober. It's sounds strange but I just wanted to feel more normal.
The Bad trip : It started off as a typical Saturday night for my friends and I. as we had picked up 20 hits of acid, an oZ of weed, and snacks. Everything was fine because I had tripped before (about 17 times) and everybody else in the group had done these drugs as many times ( and for my best friends, they had done far more of every drug than I have before)Let's call my best friends "O'shea" and "mike". Along with their girlfriends, but they are not important to what I'm telling you. It was about 9 pm and I ate 2 hits of cid,O'shea ate 4, and mike ate 3. I'm not sure as too how much their girlfriends took, but they were tripping as well. As soon as the acid hit my stomache I knew it was going to be a terrible night, as I started to feel nauseous and threw up several times, but I played it off that I ate something that upset my stomach because I didn't want to freak out my friends. After a few hours ( it's probably midnight now) I'm peaking hard as hell and playing fortnite, my stomache felt better and I was having a good time. Then O'shea came back into the room with a bag of "something special". it was 2 grams of MDMA, which he snorted .6 of ( 6 /.1 lines ) and his girl snorted a bunch of as well. I had never done it before but I didn't wanna seem like a pussy so I snorted .2 and waited. Something felt terribly wrong as my face went numb and I lost control of my lips and tongue. I kept this hidden from my friends, as once again I didn't wanna scare them. I just went outside to smoke a cigarette and try to take my mind off how strange my face and mouth felt. When I came back inside, it was about 1 am. I was done peaking and my face was feeling a tad bit better so the squad decided to roll up a blunt. We went upstairs to smoke it and afterward, almost immediately, all hell broke loose. My tongue felt as if it was swollen and because my mouth was numb I kept imagining I was biting through it. I then made the mistake to look in the mirror, to which everything was wrong because the weed made my trip extremely intense again. After staring into the mirror for 20 min while tripping insanely hard, I lost my fucking mind. My tongue was in searing pain, my heart was racing extremely fast, I couldn't speak properly because of the numbness from the mdma, and all I could do was lay down and cry. I told my friend now at this point because i felt like my throats was swelling up ( I knew that it wasn't really happening, but my brain got the best of me). I laid on the back porch of mikes house in shorts crying in agony in the snow for an hour and a half. I didn't know what to do and I was too scared to go to the hospital because of how many drugs I was on. At 3am I made my friends drive me home because I was terrified for my health and well being, honestly afraid I was going to bite through my tongue (as that's what it felt like I was doing) or my heart was going to stop because of the anxiety attack that I underwent during this time of horror. When I arrived at my house I ate 1600 mg of Seroquel (4 x 400mg pill) which are prescribed to me for my mood disorder and after about 20 min, I passed out.
The aftermath: Upon waking up from my deep seroquel sleep, I had noticed that the entire sensation of my mouth had remained the same as while I was tripping. My tongue felt too big for my mouth, I couldn't tell where my tongue was in my mouth and everything had what felt like a new texture to it. I ate some Advil because I had confused the new sensations and discomfort with pain, and then went outside to smoke a cig and try to recall what all happened the night before. To my surprise, when I lit the cigarette up and tried to smoke it, it made my tongue feel swollen and my mouth hurt the same way it did the previous night. I know there is nothing actually wrong with my mouth, because I have seen an ENT (ear, nose, and throat specialist) 2 times since that trip and he has not noticed even the slightest of swelling or any other problem. Sadly, that was not the last of the changes since that horrible night.
The second wave: After about 2 weeks of smoking no cigarettes or weed, my girlfriend came over and we got a bottle of apple crown and a g of bud to smoke. I rolled a blunt and smoked it and after not even 10 min my tongue was in a searing pain, felt swollen, and. my mouth and lips felt numb. I crawled into my bed in agony laying there with a sock in between my teeth so I knew I wasn't biting on my tongue but it wasn't helping. I looked in the mirror and my face looked the same as the night I tripped (my pupils were even massive dilated ). I turned the lights off and continued to lay in my bed for about 10 min while my girlfriend keeps pt touching my wrist and neck for reasons that were unknown to me at the time. She asked me if I was cold, because I was trembling. I told her "no", and infact I didn't even notice I was trembling. She put her hand on my neck once more and took my pulse (she works with hospice and takes basic vitals everyday ) and immediately became terrified and rushed me into the car and had my brother drive me to the emergency room. She wouldn't tell me what was going on untill I was there, but when we arrive she told me that my heart rate was 146 bpm..... my resting heart rate was 146 pm . That's more than what it should be while sprinting. I began to lose my breathe, and was thrown into a vicious anxiety attack, spiking my resting heart rate up to 170bpm. At this point, my chest was in searing pain, my mouth hurting in ways unimaginable, and my arms begane to go numb. There were doctors waiting on standby to restart my heart, and they shot me up with Ativan to calm me down. After that I blacked out. The nurses tried to tell me it was laced weed. But I had my doubts, so I took it to O'shea and mike and had them smoke it. They were absolutely fine. The weed was NOT LACED, as nobody else had any problems.
More follow up: It's been a month now of no weed and no cigarettes. I can't even drink alcohol, as less than a half a beer sends me into a panic/anxiety attack. I've had problems with anxiety in the past, but never like this. I already hated my life when I was on drugs, but now that I'm sober I feel so disconnected from everybody. Like I don't really know how to associate with people. It's horrible. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. As if these problems weren't enough, some days I wake up with light sensitivity so bad I can't even leave my house (which isn't a problem, because since the incident I got a new job working nightshift so I have almost no human interaction, as it's too hard to "be human" at this point), which was never a problem untill the bad trip. Honestly I'm scared out of my wits. I don't want to live the rest of my life like this. Does anybody know of anything like this happening to anybody before, if so please help me. I'm so miserable. I'm almost at a point of giving up completely. Anything helps. God bless you
