DontCutMDMA
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2013
- Messages
- 2
Hey everyone,
This is my first post on BlueLight. I mainly came here to seek any support and advice I can get.
In the middle of August, this year, I bought a molly pill for an excision concert that I went to. The girl who I bought it from was always a reliable dealer and supplied good shit. I even went to raves with her. This is why I am unsure whether the pill was actually bad or not, but anyways, I haven't even brought that up yet. She gave me 3 pills for me and my friends. One was just a regular molly pill and the other two were supposedly moon rocks. The moon rocks were for my friend. One of the "moon rock pills" was a white powder, though, and the other was a light amber color (maybe yellowish orange? idk). Anyways, the supposed regular old molly pill was a similar color to the light amber colored molly pill. BTW I know for fact that I did not hear wrong, however, it is slightly possible that my dealer was wrong, but I remember asking her about it the white "moon rock pill" and she said "oh it's a new pill from a new source. Seems sketchy to me looking back on it. But anyways, I took the white powdered "moon rock pill" because I was sure I could convince my friend that the other two were his moon rocks, since they were both the amberish color.
I took the pill when we got out of the car at the show. We went inside the lobby and were chilling for a while to wait for a homie. When the pill was starting to hit me, I started to get severe anxiety. It was pretty fucking horrible. My hands were super clammy and sweaty, I was extremely uncomfortable and needed water badly. I got water and drank a lot. I had to go into the bathroom and sit on the toilet in the stall and rest my head down on my knees and just try to calm the fuck down and collect myself. Anyways, it got better after like a half an hour (approximately, really not sure) and I was able to join my friends in front of the stage. The rest of my night was pretty fuckin enjoyable, though. Excision was insane and the base felt amazing. I remember seeing the visuals and being so absorbed in them. I was fucked up. Its strange because I wouldn't usually describe rolling as being "fucked up." I would rather refer to it as being "on." Like, my speech was kinda slow and I felt really almost the opposite of anxiety after that, almost benzo'd out.
That night, I came home and was feeling a little bit of anxiety like usual with a MDMA comedown, so I smoked a bowl. In the past, marijuana has always been my go to for chilling out and a sure good time. I used to smoke weed multiple times a day and it would always calm me down. Anyways, after I smoked I started to feel weird. My head started to feel kinda light and slightly dizzy, and I felt anxious. My heart started beating somewhat quickly. It was a little uncomfortable for like 30 minutes but then I fell asleep.
The next day was fine. I don't think I smoked but I don't exactly recall. I think that I was scared smoking would bring back the anxious feeling.
The day after that, I had what seemed to be a panic attack. I had never had one before that day so I really didn't have anything to judge this sudden feeling from, but afterwards I gathered my thoughts and figured it was a panic attack.
I laid down in bed after dinner and suddenly I felt a surge of anxiety. My heart began beating very hard and fast. I felt like I was about to have a heart attack or that something else was severely wrong possibly. I was scared. It lasted for a long time, I can't remember exactly but over an hour I think I was just writhing in anxiety in my bed, trying hard to fall asleep. Eventually it stopped and I was able to sleep.
Since then, I have had problems with anxiety. I feel like I have always had a bit of situational anxiety and some social anxiety, but never this general anxiety that makes me feel like shit every day. And now, my trusty loyal escape, marijuana, almost always gives me anxiety. I still enjoy getting high, but there is a bit of elevated anxiety for the first 30 minutes I'd say. Sometimes I don't get it though, its weird. More often I do get it though.
Its rough, at one point I was very depressed. I was apathetic and pondered suicide. I thought to myself that suicide would be an escape from the anxiety. I started taking 100mg of 5-HTP every morning, and it seemed to help a bit. Not sure whether it was placebo or real effects but whatever. But still, I suffer from pretty uncomfortable anxiety a lot. And some situations can be sort of overwhelming to me.
I also started to get weird neck twitches the beginning of this year... I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone close to me about it yet. I try my best to hide it and to keep my neck in place. My neck gets really sore and stiff. Right below my skull. There is persistent inflammation on the right side of my neck. Its really annoying and strange and I feel self conscious about it. I am not sure whether this has to do with drug use or not but I feel like it started when I was taking acid. I probably have only taken acid less than 7 times though. I don't know if lsd use can lead to any sort of twitching but for some reason I feel like I heard of it, idk if I'm making it up.
I'm sort of a hypochondriac one could say. I've thought I had diabetes before, other ailments. I sometimes feel like this might be all in my head and I'm just creating some sort of cycle. I smoke weed usually every day recently. I did take a month break from weed just to see if it would make the anxiety go away. It did not. I almost felt as though it got worse. I remember some days almost not being able to handle being in my cubicle at work on those sober days because sometimes my anxiety would get so bad.
I really just want to be able to fucking relax and untense my muscles and just be fucking chill. I look at everyone else and it seems like its so easy to just live. For me, it is sort of a struggle. I'm uncomfortable most of the time.
Anyone have any theories on what the fuck happened and what the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm going crazy.. ugh
This is my first post on BlueLight. I mainly came here to seek any support and advice I can get.
In the middle of August, this year, I bought a molly pill for an excision concert that I went to. The girl who I bought it from was always a reliable dealer and supplied good shit. I even went to raves with her. This is why I am unsure whether the pill was actually bad or not, but anyways, I haven't even brought that up yet. She gave me 3 pills for me and my friends. One was just a regular molly pill and the other two were supposedly moon rocks. The moon rocks were for my friend. One of the "moon rock pills" was a white powder, though, and the other was a light amber color (maybe yellowish orange? idk). Anyways, the supposed regular old molly pill was a similar color to the light amber colored molly pill. BTW I know for fact that I did not hear wrong, however, it is slightly possible that my dealer was wrong, but I remember asking her about it the white "moon rock pill" and she said "oh it's a new pill from a new source. Seems sketchy to me looking back on it. But anyways, I took the white powdered "moon rock pill" because I was sure I could convince my friend that the other two were his moon rocks, since they were both the amberish color.
I took the pill when we got out of the car at the show. We went inside the lobby and were chilling for a while to wait for a homie. When the pill was starting to hit me, I started to get severe anxiety. It was pretty fucking horrible. My hands were super clammy and sweaty, I was extremely uncomfortable and needed water badly. I got water and drank a lot. I had to go into the bathroom and sit on the toilet in the stall and rest my head down on my knees and just try to calm the fuck down and collect myself. Anyways, it got better after like a half an hour (approximately, really not sure) and I was able to join my friends in front of the stage. The rest of my night was pretty fuckin enjoyable, though. Excision was insane and the base felt amazing. I remember seeing the visuals and being so absorbed in them. I was fucked up. Its strange because I wouldn't usually describe rolling as being "fucked up." I would rather refer to it as being "on." Like, my speech was kinda slow and I felt really almost the opposite of anxiety after that, almost benzo'd out.
That night, I came home and was feeling a little bit of anxiety like usual with a MDMA comedown, so I smoked a bowl. In the past, marijuana has always been my go to for chilling out and a sure good time. I used to smoke weed multiple times a day and it would always calm me down. Anyways, after I smoked I started to feel weird. My head started to feel kinda light and slightly dizzy, and I felt anxious. My heart started beating somewhat quickly. It was a little uncomfortable for like 30 minutes but then I fell asleep.
The next day was fine. I don't think I smoked but I don't exactly recall. I think that I was scared smoking would bring back the anxious feeling.
The day after that, I had what seemed to be a panic attack. I had never had one before that day so I really didn't have anything to judge this sudden feeling from, but afterwards I gathered my thoughts and figured it was a panic attack.
I laid down in bed after dinner and suddenly I felt a surge of anxiety. My heart began beating very hard and fast. I felt like I was about to have a heart attack or that something else was severely wrong possibly. I was scared. It lasted for a long time, I can't remember exactly but over an hour I think I was just writhing in anxiety in my bed, trying hard to fall asleep. Eventually it stopped and I was able to sleep.
Since then, I have had problems with anxiety. I feel like I have always had a bit of situational anxiety and some social anxiety, but never this general anxiety that makes me feel like shit every day. And now, my trusty loyal escape, marijuana, almost always gives me anxiety. I still enjoy getting high, but there is a bit of elevated anxiety for the first 30 minutes I'd say. Sometimes I don't get it though, its weird. More often I do get it though.
Its rough, at one point I was very depressed. I was apathetic and pondered suicide. I thought to myself that suicide would be an escape from the anxiety. I started taking 100mg of 5-HTP every morning, and it seemed to help a bit. Not sure whether it was placebo or real effects but whatever. But still, I suffer from pretty uncomfortable anxiety a lot. And some situations can be sort of overwhelming to me.
I also started to get weird neck twitches the beginning of this year... I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone close to me about it yet. I try my best to hide it and to keep my neck in place. My neck gets really sore and stiff. Right below my skull. There is persistent inflammation on the right side of my neck. Its really annoying and strange and I feel self conscious about it. I am not sure whether this has to do with drug use or not but I feel like it started when I was taking acid. I probably have only taken acid less than 7 times though. I don't know if lsd use can lead to any sort of twitching but for some reason I feel like I heard of it, idk if I'm making it up.
I'm sort of a hypochondriac one could say. I've thought I had diabetes before, other ailments. I sometimes feel like this might be all in my head and I'm just creating some sort of cycle. I smoke weed usually every day recently. I did take a month break from weed just to see if it would make the anxiety go away. It did not. I almost felt as though it got worse. I remember some days almost not being able to handle being in my cubicle at work on those sober days because sometimes my anxiety would get so bad.
I really just want to be able to fucking relax and untense my muscles and just be fucking chill. I look at everyone else and it seems like its so easy to just live. For me, it is sort of a struggle. I'm uncomfortable most of the time.
Anyone have any theories on what the fuck happened and what the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm going crazy.. ugh
. A gallon of water a day , no less . Find ways to to use your creativity and stay in the moment . Write some poems , draw , try a yoga session from a video on youtube , meditate . Add some cardio and light jogging . Give up sugary processed garbage and eat fruits and vegetables . I think you just need to give your poor brain some TLC , you've been abusing the shit out of it and thats why it sucks right now
