Hello to all bluelighters from last year who remember me.
It has been a LONG time since I checked in with the board, but I haven't forgotten the massive fun of summer, 1999.
I see a few familiar faces (Pyro, Noodle, e-rep), and from the posts it looks like not much has changed. When the "New Bluelight" came alive in July, 1999, it was just a few of us, remember? About 20-30 who posted regularly and gave eachother advice and support in the face of tyrannical oppression -- or so we thought.
In case you can't tell from the tone of this post, I have pretty much stepped off the dance floor for good. I turn 30 this year and think there would have come a certain point where my wild behavior would have turned too dangerous and difficult to recover from.
I have put the bullet and little plastic zip-loc bags away and given the cd's to friends. (Okay--I still have Oakey and Sandra Collins on standby, but they're REAL harmless at this point.) I haven't forsaken those friends but I do see them a lot less.
And that brings me to something I have been wanting to say for a long time to you guys.
I used this board and the chemicals because I was hurt and very lost last year. I chose to escape some things that were reality-based and was damn lucky not to get arrested or killed in the effort. The packs we travel in are frightening -- or, at least, they always were to me. I found that anyone who takes any kind of drug on a regular basis loses him or herself a little bit each time. That is the sort of "veneer" you see come over someone's face when they are rolling or about to come up. And when you are in that state, anything can and does happen. Without elaborating, I think I can safely say you all know what I am referring to.
I started using e and k exactly one year ago, New Year's, and I remember thinking "Why the fuck not?" I wasn't willing to deal with my real life so why not lose myself in a fantasy one? Sound familiar?
I became scared to look in the mirror the morning after going out. An above-average looking guy normally, I looked haunted, exhausted and....addicted. Addicted to the chemical, the lifestyle, etc.
I hesitate to use that word for fear of the backlash, but it is what it is. Please don't hate me for coming back to the board after so long with this kind of post. I just think that I am probably not alone.
It's okay to step off the dance floor for good, guys. The world doesn't stop spinning and neither does the DJ. It just looks and sounds a lot clearer.
I hope this post finds you all in a good place for the New Year.
Best, jscrew
p.s. Do not hesitate to email me if you are so inclined.
It has been a LONG time since I checked in with the board, but I haven't forgotten the massive fun of summer, 1999.
I see a few familiar faces (Pyro, Noodle, e-rep), and from the posts it looks like not much has changed. When the "New Bluelight" came alive in July, 1999, it was just a few of us, remember? About 20-30 who posted regularly and gave eachother advice and support in the face of tyrannical oppression -- or so we thought.
In case you can't tell from the tone of this post, I have pretty much stepped off the dance floor for good. I turn 30 this year and think there would have come a certain point where my wild behavior would have turned too dangerous and difficult to recover from.
I have put the bullet and little plastic zip-loc bags away and given the cd's to friends. (Okay--I still have Oakey and Sandra Collins on standby, but they're REAL harmless at this point.) I haven't forsaken those friends but I do see them a lot less.
And that brings me to something I have been wanting to say for a long time to you guys.
I used this board and the chemicals because I was hurt and very lost last year. I chose to escape some things that were reality-based and was damn lucky not to get arrested or killed in the effort. The packs we travel in are frightening -- or, at least, they always were to me. I found that anyone who takes any kind of drug on a regular basis loses him or herself a little bit each time. That is the sort of "veneer" you see come over someone's face when they are rolling or about to come up. And when you are in that state, anything can and does happen. Without elaborating, I think I can safely say you all know what I am referring to.
I started using e and k exactly one year ago, New Year's, and I remember thinking "Why the fuck not?" I wasn't willing to deal with my real life so why not lose myself in a fantasy one? Sound familiar?
I became scared to look in the mirror the morning after going out. An above-average looking guy normally, I looked haunted, exhausted and....addicted. Addicted to the chemical, the lifestyle, etc.
I hesitate to use that word for fear of the backlash, but it is what it is. Please don't hate me for coming back to the board after so long with this kind of post. I just think that I am probably not alone.
It's okay to step off the dance floor for good, guys. The world doesn't stop spinning and neither does the DJ. It just looks and sounds a lot clearer.
I hope this post finds you all in a good place for the New Year.
Best, jscrew
p.s. Do not hesitate to email me if you are so inclined.
