thanks! I belong here. I'm one of everybody here! Watever that means...K..so...back in 2010..(I think..let me check my records..ahh!..later!) I spent a lot of time on here. Reading blogs, posts,articles...getting info,meeting peeps...Killing time. I used Bluelight to chart my progress as I tried to detox off heroin. So I'd write & think about my drug habits, my plan to quit. It helped me a lot!! I had so much fun on here. I'd relapse. Get high on my DOC..(drug of choice, in case theres a couple newbies reading dis!) Write on my blog..respond to my friends...& shit like that. I remember I went back & deleted a lot of my rantings. I regret doing that. Even if wat I posted was silly & embarrassing or useless. I regret it cuz I bet a few things I wrote must of had a nugget of truth or advice. And besides it was me at that point in my life. I was a lot younger. I was living in Europe.I was married. I was much more naive, more inexperienced, more trusting & more happy about life. I'd love to be able to read all that I had written. What a waste. Why did I delete it? I'm so f$*king self destructive. I know I kinda hate myself & don't have any faith or hope in myself. OK WAIT!..correction.::: I don't have that much faith or hope. I do have a little bit.(otherwise I wouldn't be here all excited)I'm never gonna delete any of my posts, rantings, blogs on here ever again. No matter how stupid I think it reads. I also recommend to anybody who's reading this & has deleted sum of their writings, not to do it! Or if your thinking of doing it. DON'T DO IT! Leave it. It's you. You're worth it!
Yeah....so. I've returned. And I tell you, since I've been on the grid (online,on the internet) there's been few sites that have made any kind of serious influence on me OR have had a hand in the fate of my life. Bluelight is one of those places for me. I remember back in...2009?..2010?...I had only been a member here for around a week....when somebody on here sent me a message. I was living in Athens at the time. Yes, that's Athens, Greece btw..So this person sent me a message, we became fast friends..we started to chat & almost immediately we hooked up IRL(in real life) Just so happens that my new Bluelight friend.(who BTW was younger,cuter...sexier than me!!) just happened to be in Athens visiting family. He didn't know any...uhh....wat do u call?....locals..who could show him around. If u know wat I mean
Cut a long, and extremely hot & exciting story short, we met each other downtown Athens. I brought along my best GF Yoita. Tall, blonde, sexy...I met her in rehab. She had a car. Lady GAGA was big at the time. We drove around, listened to music, visited the gypsys, picked up, got high.........bonded. Hugged.Flew kites & left each other with warm fuzzy memories. I tell ya...what a rocking happy time I had. And,,,just to think....all thanks to Bluelight!
So yea...I did that on here. Kept up my journals. Continued to use & abuse the big H. Moved back to Canada. Seperated from my hard working, clean cut joe-of-a husband....& just stayed strung out, addicted, wired to my DOC's. Mainly H & Coke. At that time. You see back then one thing set me apart on here from other members. Not that I'm implying that everybody on here is addicted to drugs..and in particular crystal meth..(jib)..But I think I got the feeling that meth had/has a certain important part on Bluelight. I had never used meth. I didn't even want to. As far as addicts go....I'm about as hardcore as u get.(I'm not bragging.I'm a fcking loser) I've been using hard street drugs for years. Yet miraculously seemed to avoid getting hooked on meth. So time goes by. Now it's 2014. I'm hanging wif Terry. She was a pretty big deal in town. Married to a male stripper. Yours truly had a car, so I'd drive her around. We became close friends. And before you could say "SHARD!" I hung up my expensive coke habit & started sucking on the glass bubble pipe ...Next thing u know..I'm smashing it. Then I'm adding down to it....VOILA! Speed ball...Except this time it really is Speed! Not coke....Add two more years & we have 2016. I've been addicted for all this time. Saved heaps of money cuz jib is much cheaper than blow. Lasts longer, easier to get...not as hard on my mind & body. Haven't Od'd like I almost did on coke a few times. Better come down, not as addicting, I believe anyways. Ya know, on cocaine. I'd suck a golf ball through a garden hose just to get high. On coke, I'd sell my uncles prosthetic leg...HE NEEDS THAT FOR WORK!!..lol...I'm just kidding
Point is: jib is no where near as dangerous & life ruining as H & cocaine can be(shudup I know the irony of that statement) Except for two things,.....my paranoia is immense & hilarious...Also I stay up for days, become so sleep deprived that I start to become irresponsible with my car. I ended up smashing it. I didn't get badly hurt or hurt anybody else. Thank Giod!...but..yea I fucked up really bad & lost my license...blah..blah blah...Oh also..I lost heaps of weight!! Never been thinner.What I'm trying to say is: Now I'm mething around. In fact as I'm writing my first blog entry on here...been up for two days...(6 days was my longest)...I'm spun out!
..So thank you....thank you for making me feel at home. Accepting me back.
I forgot to read the forum rules again, so idk if I might have broken a rule or offended the admins. Won't be the first time. I once posted a pic of Dylan Klebold &..wats his face...you know..the columbine faggots...it was a death pic. It was removed, but I never got in trouble. You guys are not unreasonable. And besides we're all adults & this is a drug forum. As well as a forum to help drug addicts. That's wat I plan to do. That's how I hope to use Bluelight,. To recover from drugs once & for all....and help others. Above all...to help people who need it. People who've allowed drugs to colour their lives in horrible blackness....I tell ya...Number 1..I don't lie. And Number 2..I'm a volcano of experience dealing with my addiction for almost 20 years. Yes folks. My nick..Olympic Smoker. Is true. Sad but true.
LOVE YOU! BE BRAVE! HAVE FAITH!...& remember....we're all just residing temporarily on this earthy brown,green ball swirling through the mystery of space. What are we doing here? Why are we here? We're all going to die one day. But Dayum!! Life is a gosh darn miracle & as exciting & mysterious & fascinating as anything in the entire universe. PEACE!