Burnt Offerings
Bluelight Crew
I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but...
Around a year and a half ago I was diagnosed as a type 1 diabetic, after a protracted period of time in which I experienced light symptoms of it (most notably blurry vision). There was absolutely no genetic link to it anywhere in my family history, so apparently I'm one of the lucky 0.5% of the population who contracts the disease with no genetic link. Ever since I started the medication they put me on, I haven't had one day where I've felt "well"...I pretty much always feel like crap, even though they've done tests that show my glucose levels as essentially being the same as someone who isn't diabetic (although the last A1C test I had was taken quite some time ago, I've probably been running high numbers since then).
Around November of last year I started having new, weird symptoms, including blurry vision/double vision coming back and weird sporadic numbness in some of my limbs, signs of degenerative nerve disease. I had an MRI done and based on the results they couldn't rule out MS as being a possibility at that time. I took the results to other radiologists who said that the results weren't really indicative of anything, though. I was (ab)using drugs at that time (recreational cocaine and amphetamine use, non-recreational/problematic lorazepam use) and coupled with some of the crazy stuff in my personal life at that time, my anxiety just went out of control and I had a rare, full fledged panic attack, probably made worse by the benzo use at that time. Symptoms "went away" for a while, but now they're back, and it seems that one of my eyes is losing it's vision compared to the other one.
Anyway, all of this stuff combined with my natural anxiety is really starting to corrode my sanity. The only time I feel "good" is when I'm high on drugs.
I'm scared to tell anyone about my problems because I don't know what I'll do if I have some new disease...probably kill myself, even though death doesn't really look any more appealing than life. My body seems intent on self-destruction though. It sucks that I'm in my mid-20's and have to deal with all this illness. I just don't see any hope on the horizon.
Around a year and a half ago I was diagnosed as a type 1 diabetic, after a protracted period of time in which I experienced light symptoms of it (most notably blurry vision). There was absolutely no genetic link to it anywhere in my family history, so apparently I'm one of the lucky 0.5% of the population who contracts the disease with no genetic link. Ever since I started the medication they put me on, I haven't had one day where I've felt "well"...I pretty much always feel like crap, even though they've done tests that show my glucose levels as essentially being the same as someone who isn't diabetic (although the last A1C test I had was taken quite some time ago, I've probably been running high numbers since then).
Around November of last year I started having new, weird symptoms, including blurry vision/double vision coming back and weird sporadic numbness in some of my limbs, signs of degenerative nerve disease. I had an MRI done and based on the results they couldn't rule out MS as being a possibility at that time. I took the results to other radiologists who said that the results weren't really indicative of anything, though. I was (ab)using drugs at that time (recreational cocaine and amphetamine use, non-recreational/problematic lorazepam use) and coupled with some of the crazy stuff in my personal life at that time, my anxiety just went out of control and I had a rare, full fledged panic attack, probably made worse by the benzo use at that time. Symptoms "went away" for a while, but now they're back, and it seems that one of my eyes is losing it's vision compared to the other one.
Anyway, all of this stuff combined with my natural anxiety is really starting to corrode my sanity. The only time I feel "good" is when I'm high on drugs.
I'm scared to tell anyone about my problems because I don't know what I'll do if I have some new disease...probably kill myself, even though death doesn't really look any more appealing than life. My body seems intent on self-destruction though. It sucks that I'm in my mid-20's and have to deal with all this illness. I just don't see any hope on the horizon.
