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August getting/staying sober v. you can do it!

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neversickanymore said:
Shit case It is really good to see you sir=D.. I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried for you sir<3

I posted this in anther thread but i will repost it here because it applies and is a good thing IMO..



such nice work at pulling outta the cycle!!!! To make sure you remember and to familiarize yourself with how your cycles is individually, I would think of writing an exploration of what went down and how you pulled out.. think of looking at the initial causes, how it began to change your thinking and the resultant emotional and mood changes. how you finally recognized it, what you did to pull yourself back into the light, and finally what you could do in the future to catch or fix this cycle progression quicker possibly prevent it before this particular path get going. Nice work case=D

I have a long time cute little ten year clean junkie that I just adore most of the time miss patience awkward.. who has maintained a life free from her docs (speedballs) and free from active addiction to anything else by using yoga as her weapon.. in her immortal words, "what do you mean its all about impulse control, addiction is.. and yoga is all about impulse control and meditation" Cant argue with success and since I new her as a seventy pound strung out spunion and have the pleasure of knowing her as successful mother and business woman living a strong recovery I have to say she must have something there;)
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Thanks so much NSA - always so helpful. Yoga today was INTENSE. The studio is awesome, it's donation based so if you're broke, it's free! It seriously kicked my ass but I feel amazing, and really accomplished. We might be going back tomorrow, if not definitely the next day. We're making it a regular thing because as you said, it's going to have a seriously positive impact on recovery. :)

GenericName12 said:
Having a really bad series of days.

Tough moments behind me, open days ahead of me.. I am going to have 2 days this weekend with nothing to do but relax but I'm going to be completely alone for those 2 days. Scared. Worried about relapsing. I don't know if I've ever been this worried about relapsing. Starting to fantasize and make plans in my head.

I'm moving to a new city in september and I've decided I am going to attend AA meetings. What I'm doing right now isn't working anymore.. I need to try something else.
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As mentioned by someone, maybe see if you can invite a sober friend over for those two days? If not - Hit an AA meeting! Share at the meeting and say your alone for the next two days, and worried about using. Someone will offer to spend some time with you, maybe go out to eat, see a movie, just hang out. Don't be afraid to reach out for help! Stay up generic. <3

I'm really happy you're deciding to give AA a shot. Don't expect immediate results - Going to AA is like going to the gym. You don't change instantly, and once you do you gotta keep going to maintain. :)

Good luck!
 
This falls under the Getting Sober heading: I went CT off of a relatively small percocet habit last Monday. I felt pretty horrible all week, and used again on Friday and Saturday. Sunday I woke up determined to stop abusing my meds. I also work up with severe pain. So yesterday I took just enough pain meds to take the edge off. I still was too uncomfortable to get out of bed. Today my pain is better and I am hoping to cut my dose down again today, and continue to cut it down each day, until I am not taking any except when I am in significant pain. After feeling yucky all last week, and then in bed again all of yesterday, I can't CT again. I may be fooling myself, but I really want this plan to work.
 
I was surrounded by people drinking large amounts of alcohol for 4 days, didn't drink, then went to visit family. My family drinks a lot, and that was a painful 2 days as well. I'm exhausted. My willpower is gone. My old thoughts are back. "These people can drink, get drunk, and not have a problem with it." Why can't I? Horrible mindset. Can't afford to think like that. I had blocked all of these thoughts out of my head before and I was doing so well for these past 2 months. Avoiding situations with alcohol was very beneficial to my overall happiness. I was doing great. My depression had lifted to be from literally every second in misery to maybe 50% of the time misery. The cravings were heavily diminishing in strength. It was a huge change.

I feel like I'm back at the beginning again even though I didn't touch a drop. I only have so much willpower and being surrounded by alcohol.. I feel like I am slowly dying.

I just feel so hopeless and lost and the cravings are overwhelming and I don't have a support system or ways of dealing with this. When you combine these feelings with an opportunity that is so EASY.. I just don't know how to deal with this. I don't want to relapse. My addict brain is screaming at me not to type that.. but it's true. I don't want to.. but I want to so bad at the same time.

I need AA I guess..

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Just saw your post caseface. I will definitely go. I need to go. I have to go. I am just having a hard time actually following through.. ya know?

I know it's a shitty excuse.. but I'm sure you all know the feeling.
 
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One of the sessions that brainwave generation software I shared earlier offers synchronizes your brain to produce similar brainwaves as when a psychological addiction is being satisfied. It seems to help me. Give it a shot. All you need is a computer and a pair of headphones.
 
What are the positive things that drinking does for you? What happens every time you drink honestly? what if anything are you actually missing out on? how does the honest appraisal of the experience of drinking for compare the the fantasies you are thinking?

Fantasy for me is that drinking makes me feel good and relaxed

reality for me is that although i may get relaxed for a bit.. the nest day i'm super anxious.. and im for damn sure not feeling good when i wake up worried about what the fuck i did im my black out, super uncomfortable from the rebound in my system, yea most unpleasantly wired and anxious, mouth so dry it stuck together almost, head pounding and stomach so upset that I have to go almost dry hurl sending pressure waves that are making my head ache to almost migraine proportions.. filled with anxiety and unable to get comfortable in any position, unable to get back to sleep and get any relief.. then i feel pretty damn rough all day.. fell ok the next day. and pretty good the day after.. but then the cycle has started and that next day I start to rally want to drink again and dont feel to relaxed at all.. and their is the cycle .. throw in the fact that because the booze shuts down the frontal lobe we make terrible choices and end up with all those problems with people we love and the law.. and when we drink way to much and can no longer keep our lives up we loose jobs and friends and self respect and then we try and fix the problems caused buy drinking by drinking. yeah alcoholics are happy for about fifteen minutes a night and the rest of the time are miserable:\

or how about when actually drinking.. so a couple of drinks in yeah i feel OK but as soon as that pleasant wave is gone then we chase the high all night.. take a dose and fell OK for a minute but then it goes and we start to feel sick, hot mouthed and sloppy, another one.. a sliver of feeling good and then we start to become fucked, the anger can come for some or the frustration for others sadness for others still, we aren't feeling good we are feeling wasted.. hat mouthed, heart burn, that awful feeling when your mind starts hanging on long enough to fell how we really feel, completely dunk but the headaches already there, looking around at the other drunks thinking they are having a good time, but its just madness and we are miserable so we try another shot..

I think my view of drinking changed dramatically when I worked as a door man in a nice big bar.. I had to stay sober because if there was an altercation i was the one who spoke to the police and although this was a nice bar it was also a crazy bar so as with almost all people who consume alcohol there was insanity and asinine behavior all the time.. but I got to see what really happened when someone drinks hard.. they come in and relive the same night over and over, and sometimes its the same nightmare over and over.. I would see the same people come in and experience the same night over and over, listen tithe same stories EVERY NIGHT.. the same person would have a couple and start telling the same story of the wife that ruined them.. almost word for word every night and i wouldn't be surprised if they are telling the same story right now and will again tomorrow.. a couple of drinks and they were happy but then that initial buzz left and then they would sink into the same despair telling the same stories.. and these were't bums these where just normal people stuck in the loop of alcohol.. night after night after week after year after decade and I watched the problems mount and the health fade.. alcoholism has to be one of the worst deaths there are and people stuck in that loop still look at the drug as the best thing going.. even though it makes them miserable..

I dont know 12<3.. when i look at it honestly I have a hard time finding anything we are missing;)
 
I certainly don't miss hangovers..

Always with the great posts nsa. Thanks for that. I can relate to pretty much everything you said.

@just a guy - I'll take a look at that shortly. Thanks for the advice.
 
Yet another 24 yuaalll=D

goodnight_kmrtl2rz.gif
 
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Been almost 20 months without drugs. Down to my last half a cigarette. This evening and hopefully onward will be smoke free.
 
Worked seven days last week...after child support...paycheck was two dollars...

Now I have to make the choice of stopping my Suboxone and therapy...or giving up my last worldly possesiom: my car. Without my car I can't get to work without my subs I won't be able to work. When I was using and selling drugs I was able to pay for my child support, home, car and I never had to make the choice of which necessity to give up. Hate is such a strong toxic emotion...but I can honestly say I hate ex.
 
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I really wish I had some extra money to send to you. But I'm behind on my mortgage, and the power's about to be shut down here. I've been unemployed for a month and didn't have the presence of mind to file for unemployment.

I'll pray for you, man.
 
I'm 6 days off heroin today. Been using stuff since my surgery in december and even a few months before that. Prior i was clean for a year or so following a rehab stint.

Still going to need another surgery as i have a malunion fracture in pelvis and a bunch of broken hardware. So needed to get clean to make good decisions and heal faster..


The hardest part for me is the chronic pain and discomfort from my pelvis symmetry being completely jacked up. Very uncomfortable to stand long periods, but sitting any period is very bothersome.. hopefully surgery #3 will get things right.

Most withdrawal symptoms have passed. I took 5mg hydrocodone last night before bed.. had about 10 tramadols for my first few days as well as 30mg hydrocodone.e yes Also took 20mg lope yesterday.

Today is first day completely free from opiates.

A monster energy coffee made me extremely anxious. Finished the last of my weed just now.. went on a 5 minute kayak ride. Been staying at my grandparents' on a river about an hour from home to get away from connects and whatnot.

Anyways i almost went to rehab, but due to my condition right now and the fact that ill need surgery soon i decided to put that off. Anyways, i don't believe in powerlessness, i prefer to think the choices I've made have been conscious and i can empower myself to overcome the addiction, if i want to.
Well wish me luck with continued opiate sobriety.
 
Good luck pepper.. hope the surgery works and you find some relief from the pain:)

blow out that pelvis dropping a falls by chance?


manboychef said:
Worked seven days last week...after child support...paycheck was two dollars...

Now I have to make the choice of stopping my Suboxone and therapy...or giving up my last worldly possesiom: my car. Without my car I can't get to work without my subs I won't be able to work. When I was using and selling drugs I was able to pay for my child support, home, car and I never had to make the choice of which necessity to give up. Hate is such a strong toxic emotion...but I can honestly say I hate ex.
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did you contact any of those fathers rights groups.. man they cant force you to pay all your wages.. sorry your ex is so slimy.. she will get hers in the end.. everyone does:\
 
Well i had a growth plate injury during growth phase in teens, pelvis grew asymmetrical. First surgery was bone graft to lengthen pelvis. WHich worked, fixed all pain in my back and other things. But after 2 months, when i began walking, bone collapsed. Went back to same doctor who tried to fix it(december), failed and claimed it was perfect, and now his hardware breaks a couple months ago. Here's a recent pic. Main issues aren't even from surgical trauma, but from the lack of symmetry..
>snip<
 
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Morning. Today is 7 days off H and cigs as well. Only ever smoked if on opiates. Yesterday didn't even take any Lope or hydro's (there's a few in the house and i know where..) Physical withdrawals mostly gone, just a bit of sleeping difficulty and lethargy. The crappy thing is my pain is just as bad if not worse, have vertical displacement of a pelvic fracture so sitting is very uncomfortable.. getting exercise via swimming in the river.

I'm a pretty strong swimmer since i've taken it up lately as my sole form of cardio.
I have an urge to take a 10mg hydro and then go kayaking up the river with this blunt. But might do it without. I need over 100mg hydro to get "high" at all. So probably no point, except the pain, but that aint going anywhere so .. blah listen to that rationalization crap.
 
You may have to quit all drugs to beat the h my friend. Its very hard for a user not to eventually go back to your DOC if you are still getting high.
 
Yeah. If the surgery does the trick.. I think i will be fine. I've experienced it before, before my bone graft collapsed.. 2 months free of pain. Drugs weren't hard for me to stay away from at that point, for the first time.

When i could workout hard that kept me clean as well, but unfortunately I'm kinda physically messed up right now. Its hard to will myself to swim all the time.. i love lifting weights but can't atm.

I love weed.. don't see myself quitting atm as I'm using it to help sleep and with nausea and stuff.

But opiate wise, definitely even using hydros or any weak opioids will lead one back to their DOC.
 
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