Attachment theory, the horrible reality of dating/flirting with Avoidants

[Neuroborean]

Make sure that there is a way that both can deal with life in a mature and a smart way. Be hopeful always to find that love and happiness in each other too.

Relationships and crushes just for that rush can be escapism. You are unhappy in your life for whatever reason and you build this fantasy person and or situation where you are happy. And sometimes it's not real. The person is not that perfect and you are in for a big disappointment. Deal with your life in a mature and smart way. Hope we all find love and happiness.

If there is something in your part of life that needs attention or work on that focus as well, or as a partnership keep that as an awareness. Do this by looking deep inside. Within. But you sound very perceptive. Try to focus. For anything. Anything that
can destroy relationships too. And is exactly what you sound like you have learned at this point and time. And this is positive that you are able to make such an effort.

Try not to have a relationship based on escapism and be as realistic with each other as possible. Don't just try to escape with someone and expect everything is going to be perfect. No one or anything ever is. It is just a speed bump that you work around.

Don't be in a relationship where there is ' acting out ' because that type of behavior is destructive. That can lead to burning out emotionally, financially and yeha even legally.

Take a deep breath and look into the sky. Meditate in the calmness. Stay alive. Bad relationships have potential to ruin lives.
Find peace and act on this. If it starts to be a destructive relationship, get out right away !! Or don't start that to begin with, sort of speak. Try to be well and stay well in relationships.

Sorry if you went through bad experiences. Work on yourself and also an other for the better. Stay calm and think it through. So that you won't have to go through something horrendous.

Believe me. Enter into everything with caution. Relationships can nearly kill people. Ruin their lives, their health, and MInd. It can drive someone insane. So don't let it. Learn what healthy can be and work with that. Therapy can then be necessary and then needed to help out.

Learn to recognise patterns from previous stress and traumatic situations. Look for things such as trauma. This can explain a lot too. Like somebody trying to escape from painful events. Study others lives and some advice's of others and remember what emotional hell can just be like. Don't get stuck in that loop.

I don't want to say only bad things, though why? It is the way of life that shows you that you are not honest though, if you don’t know what you want or you don’t respect your boundaries. If it hits you hard but then is .. definitely is a learning experience. The best way is to run immediately, but some don’t do that. We like the addiction, we don’t feel loved in our core. It then has to be the way of learning to live in the world without fantasies, which is too boring for many of us. True.

Don't seek a romantic relationship that is just a crush because ... you won't want your entire affair to be one big long lie.

Who really feels like this ?

Truly we are sometimes stuck between a rock and a hard place. It's all going to be okay.

Recognizing and being receptive to just a ' crush ' often begins with an unsettled feeling of unhappiness, routine, safety and stability. People come and go in your life. But the cosmos becomes visible when someone connects with your soul and you've been waiting unknowingly.

Wonderful. Please keep looking. Going on.

Find references and abilities that can be useful. Like look for clues that sometimes also related to a relationship OCD and thinking again and again obsessively. This could get to be a pattern that thinking that you have to be non monogamous when actually you might be thinking of and being scared of commitment due to past trauma. And that can be Profound.

What if you just have a crush on someone. And then complain to them about a horrible bad relationship that you have had or in fact have to be in. Horribly bad ideas, I know, it's a horrible idea flirting with someone for just an emotional crush or maybe a quick fix affair. Reciprocating the flirting aka emotional affair. Now you have to get your head all straight again. It is completely embarrassing and wrong to drag each other into a bad relationship. Or bad relationships as a repeat offender.

Don't feel trapped like so many do and now have to live with bad choices. PS it's REALLY difficult for a crush to avoid another crush object. It feels like cutting off your own arm somehow. Easy to see the experience as addiction but try the best to not have this situation to deal with.

Love is about mirroring, attunement and reciprocity. You see and respond to who the person is. Not who you wished they were in your mind, but who they are and your actual experiences with them. You have moments of genuine intimacy and connection. Crushes and temporary relationships that is just a fantasy can lead to nowhere. How much are you in your head telling yourself stories vs responding to what is actually happening.

You can be doing so very well before ' a ' crush ' object ' shows up. Find who you are yourself. Deep within. And then, that within another as well.

~~~~~~

Okay I am sorry I wrote all of this. And it is all based on feelings of observation. I really entirely do not have a clue in the slightest. I have been in a permanent ' relationship ' so to speak. And a long long scroll history, long story of it for forever now.

And I have no idea about ' looking ' for relationships or finding them. Because I am already involved as it is and as it goes.
Ups and downs, twists and turns, working and moving forward and being and doing the best possible solutions to stay healthy and safe. And stable. And of course financially grounded. Working through it all. Both Together. And will not and .. won't trade it for any other way. It is all we know in mine. And what ' we ' have. And we ain't trading it for anything or nothing at all !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's it. lool.

I just wrote this down because I just wanted to express my feelings at this time. Also I had commented in this thread previously
but am just writing this all on the fly and wanted to just follow up on the comment I had replied to.
However, I do not have any clue about dating or this ... being as a temporary happenstance.
Will never want to. And I am never going to. And don't really grasp in that direction of a pathway anymore either. Hmmm.

I am so sorry that I butted in and just wanted to make some comments about that what seemed so interesting and intriguing. A lot like my own relationship dealing with it on a day to day basis and year to year that is just permanently something that I only know about really.

I just thought that it would be fun and a release to let out some of those thoughts and feelings just for the fun and to experience
looking at an outside perspective from my inside and personal views on a topic and that I am just showing up for. It is just thoughts and feelings ........ because I wouldn't really begin to know.

Awe. I feel your deep conflict and what seems that .. need to know and understand and experience. Make efforts to move forward and do this in the best way possible that you can. And look for all of the guidance then that you can. Think clearly and find that way to stay healthy and safe as you possibly can. And then I know you will be able to do this because you are seriously trying and definitely focused enough.

I have all the faith in the whole world for you. I just tried to write this for fun mostly. But I want it all to work out for you. And I just want it to work out for you for The Best and for the Best Always !!

Thnxxx.

Thanks for writing such an expressive and extensive reply, today I had a long day so I'll reply to you tomorrow, just wanted to thank you and make you know I appreciate it!
cheers!