Marauder
Bluelighter
I've taken my last 3-Fa dose 10 hours ago and I'm giving the rest away. I'm going to crash, but here's what I've been noticing lately. (I'll correct and organize this tomorrow.)
First, I talk about 4-Fa but this really applies to any stimulant. I've wasted a lot of time in 3-5 day long PV binges and 4-FMA binges. I lost a lot of sleep, and a lower quality of the sleep I did get, along with a hazy memory of those periods. I'm not advocating you stop all drug use. Taking a drug as it would be prescribed will help your brain adjust to a routine and return to optimal (or better) operation.
I've been taking 3-fa and 4-fa lightly over the past 2 months. Nothing spectacular to report. I didn't binge or abuse them much. Prior to this though, I abused 4-FA heavily. Daily use for months. I did eat and sleep often, but otherwise I was constantly redosing. It wasn't euphoric, but it was an obvious catalyst in any situation. When I stop and I'm completely out of withdrawal (which isn't too bad with Fa), I feel normal, somewhat optimistic, etc. My concentration gradually improves, etc. The drug feels nontoxic. But I feel like I never reach my potential without stimulants. I become depressed and my mind decays until the stimulants become a valuable tool. I don't know if the depression is caused by FA. I've always had depression, but there's an anger deep down that I "need" drugs to feel normal. This injustice in brain chemistry drives me to take a stim to clear out the backlog.
Before starting my stim usage again after a 1-2 month hiatus, I stuck to meds and weed here and there and I felt great. Not perfect, but my mood was stable. My schedule became routine, etc. I did find it hard to concentrate but that was due more to anxiety than ADD/depression. Benzos helped when needed. I don't know if the anxiety is related to FA. I've always had it but I don't believe you can comprehend or remember subjective feelings that are now diminished. A depressed person will have a very bleak future, while the same person healthy will not be able to understand how his depressed version could ever have lost hope.
We could be much sharper, calmer and learn faster if we haven't used any stimulant in our lives. I sometimes feel that we may really feel the same as we did before taking the drug, but is that a good thing? Maybe there was a lot of maturation during that period that we missed out on, and so we should actually be feeling much better than we did before. I feel like chronic use prunes learning, or at least make it difficult to hold a long chain of high level concepts in your head. My imagination feels flawless on stims, but it quickly gets too fuzzy and simple to allow me to advance at something at my usual pace.
There might not be direct damage to the brain, but the time wasted on stim binges can be devastating enough to really make you fall behind. Benzos also. The memory loss from stimulants and downers, the anxiety and shallow breathing, and that they decrease sleep quality, are pretty bad. I am only seeing this now in hindsight. I would benefit from a very long hiatus from any drug minus tobacco and a trip here and there. This would bring me back to baseline and put me in sync with where my spiritual and psychological maturity missed out on. I suppose stimulant abuse is in itself a hiatus, but one that is taxing if done too often.
At some point, I lost the reason I did stims. The euphoria makes it hard to focus on any one thing. I feel fine. I can work, I can code well, I'm in a great relationship, I can do this and that, but I realize I could have been much better at ALL this if I used the stims JUST on my self development and in moderation. This lost time would have given me insight into these other areas of my life and this builds a good foundation of new sensory information that is increasingly richer and deeper. It allows more realistic and feasible ideas which integrate well with reality. If the stim's effects were permanent, you probably *can* rule the world. This is a delusion because it doesn't take into account that when the drug wears off, you'll be lazy and disinterested like any normal person.
If we come to find out that 4-Fa (or any potent stimulant) is neither neurotoxic nor cardiotoxic, the less obvious harms may be the little things you didn't realize you missed. The key is to have a routine so that your mood is not constantly in flux.
First, I talk about 4-Fa but this really applies to any stimulant. I've wasted a lot of time in 3-5 day long PV binges and 4-FMA binges. I lost a lot of sleep, and a lower quality of the sleep I did get, along with a hazy memory of those periods. I'm not advocating you stop all drug use. Taking a drug as it would be prescribed will help your brain adjust to a routine and return to optimal (or better) operation.
I've been taking 3-fa and 4-fa lightly over the past 2 months. Nothing spectacular to report. I didn't binge or abuse them much. Prior to this though, I abused 4-FA heavily. Daily use for months. I did eat and sleep often, but otherwise I was constantly redosing. It wasn't euphoric, but it was an obvious catalyst in any situation. When I stop and I'm completely out of withdrawal (which isn't too bad with Fa), I feel normal, somewhat optimistic, etc. My concentration gradually improves, etc. The drug feels nontoxic. But I feel like I never reach my potential without stimulants. I become depressed and my mind decays until the stimulants become a valuable tool. I don't know if the depression is caused by FA. I've always had depression, but there's an anger deep down that I "need" drugs to feel normal. This injustice in brain chemistry drives me to take a stim to clear out the backlog.
Before starting my stim usage again after a 1-2 month hiatus, I stuck to meds and weed here and there and I felt great. Not perfect, but my mood was stable. My schedule became routine, etc. I did find it hard to concentrate but that was due more to anxiety than ADD/depression. Benzos helped when needed. I don't know if the anxiety is related to FA. I've always had it but I don't believe you can comprehend or remember subjective feelings that are now diminished. A depressed person will have a very bleak future, while the same person healthy will not be able to understand how his depressed version could ever have lost hope.
We could be much sharper, calmer and learn faster if we haven't used any stimulant in our lives. I sometimes feel that we may really feel the same as we did before taking the drug, but is that a good thing? Maybe there was a lot of maturation during that period that we missed out on, and so we should actually be feeling much better than we did before. I feel like chronic use prunes learning, or at least make it difficult to hold a long chain of high level concepts in your head. My imagination feels flawless on stims, but it quickly gets too fuzzy and simple to allow me to advance at something at my usual pace.
There might not be direct damage to the brain, but the time wasted on stim binges can be devastating enough to really make you fall behind. Benzos also. The memory loss from stimulants and downers, the anxiety and shallow breathing, and that they decrease sleep quality, are pretty bad. I am only seeing this now in hindsight. I would benefit from a very long hiatus from any drug minus tobacco and a trip here and there. This would bring me back to baseline and put me in sync with where my spiritual and psychological maturity missed out on. I suppose stimulant abuse is in itself a hiatus, but one that is taxing if done too often.
At some point, I lost the reason I did stims. The euphoria makes it hard to focus on any one thing. I feel fine. I can work, I can code well, I'm in a great relationship, I can do this and that, but I realize I could have been much better at ALL this if I used the stims JUST on my self development and in moderation. This lost time would have given me insight into these other areas of my life and this builds a good foundation of new sensory information that is increasingly richer and deeper. It allows more realistic and feasible ideas which integrate well with reality. If the stim's effects were permanent, you probably *can* rule the world. This is a delusion because it doesn't take into account that when the drug wears off, you'll be lazy and disinterested like any normal person.
If we come to find out that 4-Fa (or any potent stimulant) is neither neurotoxic nor cardiotoxic, the less obvious harms may be the little things you didn't realize you missed. The key is to have a routine so that your mood is not constantly in flux.
