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Asking For Help With Heroin Addiction

C

corpsecircles

Greenlighter
Joined
May 25, 2014
Messages
8
I'm trying to figure out how to tell my boyfriend and mom I relapsed. I moved back in with my mom 6 months ago to get clean. I managed to get past withdrawals twice and immediately relapsed. I found an outpatient rehab program I can go to, or the clinic for subs. I don't think I can do it in secret, but I am pretty certain I will get thrown out if I tell my mom I started using again. The only reason I keep telling myself I can't stop because if I get sick they will know I have been using so it's a vicious cycle. I finally have a new job, but don't even make enough to support my habit so I'm borrowing on top of spending my whole paycheck and in a huge hole. I only work to use my whole check to buy enough to maybe not have to call in sick. It's worn me down more mentally than before I told everyone I had a problem in the first place. I can't move back in with my boyfriend because we lost so much money to my secret habit that we had to move into his parents basement and they won't allow me back after I came clean the first time. Any advice would be appreciated. Mostly looking for support because I know I will eventually have to do this.
 
uh that's such a horrid situation, one i am also (kinda) in.
i know that if my mum found out before i told her, it would be a million times worse, but i'm currently on a maintenance program and using on the side, so i'm gonna keep rolling those dice..

were there any contributing factors to your last relapse? not excuses, there are none, just pressures, pain, anything that made life sober unbearable? I mean that could go one of two ways, for me if i attempted to attribute my relapse to anything other than my complete lack of self control my parents would lose their shit.
 
I've been in a relationship for ten years. We lived together, starting using together, and he stopped about 5 years ago and I kept using and haven't stopped yet other than a few shots at being clean I've fucked up. I was sick of lying to him. It made me feel worse than anything and so I left. He still doesn't understand the addiction is why I left and still thinks I don't love him and will leave again. We got back together and he basically watched me for 7 days straight while I got clean then as soon as I got money I took it and ran ... I really do love him and haven't been happier than when we were happy. Now we aren't living together and it was really rocky .. He almost left me for someone else and that's what has been eating at me.I'm also manic depressive and my mom is a lunatic. Things are starting to get better bit I was in the darkest place I've ever been in the last 6 no the and sobriety without the proper tools just didn't have any chance. Love for the drugs will always trump even the most true love... everything. It's horrible
 
Im so sorry for what you are going through. Opiate addiction is the absolute most insidious of all the addictions in my book. Your love of drugs line really hits home to me and I find it very true.

Do you have insurance or Medicaid? Could you afford a Suboxone doctor rather than clinic? I am going to move to Sober Living as they are the experts at this. But I wish you the best of luck.
 
Literally same story as I have it is heroin is extremely hard addiction and eventually will take everything and everyone away from you. Can you go to the clinic before work? Pain management will also write prescription for Suboxone and you don't have to go every day. Is that a option? I'm with you though I was on h for years and moved back home went to clinic too. Sucks when you go through that terrible sickness once but a few times god bless you.
 
I am so sorry for your situation - my heart goes out to you. That is no way to live. You have so much going on, you said you are manic depressive - are you being treated for that because that is a huge factor in being able to stay sober.

As for you boyfriend, can you come clean to him? You've been together for so long, but you left - that must be devestating to him. He may not agree with the addiction but at least he knows why you left and that you still love him, regardless of the consequences.

You say your Mom will kick you out if she finds out you relapsed, but you guys are having issues anyway, is there anyway you can go to a long term treatment facility for like a year or so? It would give you time to get clean, focus on your mental health, and go through some PAWS before you leave. You can then transition to a sober living house and set up a solid foundation for yourself.

I hope you don't take offense to my suggestions, I feel so bad for your situation and for the length of time you have been fighting addiction. It just really sounds like you need to take a break and just focus on your health, physically and mentally. its so important to address and resolve the underlying issues that are driving you use.

I chronically relapsed for several years until I finally addressed my motivations to use. After I did that getting and staying sober wasn't so difficult. I now have over two years, and many more to come. I did have to take a total break from life to work on myself though :/

At any rate, I hope you find the answers that work for you, deserve better. Hugs!
 
I went through a similar situation for years before I got on methadone. Look into maintenance
 
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