JustKeepSwimming33
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jan 28, 2018
- Messages
- 4
In the throes of sub detox. Day 4. It hit me like a raging fist from the gods. That horrible unmistakable ball of anxiety/energy/pure hatred is sitting uncomfortably in my chest. Like it has found a new home, and doesn't plan on leaving soon. A no taper 8mg sub jump is nothing to sneeze at, and I knew that opening this Pandora's box of terribleness. But a couple weeks in hell is better than a life in limbo, and i try and remind myself of this as the ebbs and flows of emotion and sickness grips my body. I have had lots of clean years in my life sputtered here and there with various opiate addictions. First the magical pills from the "helpful" doc, then Methadone, then subs. Getting clean for a couple years than something happens. A new injury, a break up, boredom something always that gives us addicts that final push from sobriety to the darkside. So here I am once again, apparently never learning. I'm hoping this time I WILL REMEMBER THE PAIN. I'm using comfort meds low doses of kratom tea (I Know, I know) Imodium, vitamin b, melatonin, unisom. I'm alone in this struggle, afraid to let anyone down again. I feel like a weary traveler never quite finding home. Always getting close, but never ending up back where I want to be. So here I am looking for guidance, some type of solace. From the only people I know will understand, not superficially.... but from the bottom of their soul.
