Articles for discussion - got one you want to add? Comment on any shared?

TheLoveBandit

Retired Never Was, Coulda been wannabe
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Articles for discussion - got one you want to add? Comment on any shared?

I've come across a few articles lately, which I think could apply for several of our TDS members. Please, feel free to discuss how these are way off base or if something like them has helped your situation. Additionally, if you come across something you think is worth sharing with the others, go ahead and link it for discussion. :)
 
Throw a lifeline to your future.

Key points:
  • Know what future you want. So what do you really want? Look in your heart of hearts for that really big thing you want. Maybe it’s making a million bucks a month, or fulfilling your lifelong ambition, or finding The Right Girl or The Right Guy. Be honest - there’s only you and me here - and I won’t talk. Now write it down where only you will see it. That’s the big beautiful future you want to get your lifeline around so you can pull yourself to it. Refer to it often. Look at it when you go to sleep, look at it when you wake up.
  • Let go of your luggage. That’s right, stick all the emails decaying in your inbox into a new folder, move all the hundreds of documents littering your desktop and My Documents folder to a new folder, drag all those bookmarks and favorites you just had to mark to a new folder, delete all your saved voicemails, bag every task lingering on your to do list older than a week. Heresy! Blasphemy! Nope: Reality. If you want to get to the future you’ve got to let go of the past, and besides, to be brutally honest, what are the chances you are going to deal with all those dead open loops? Slim to none. Lighten your load. So let go.
  • Know that if other people have done it, you can do it. Go visit a bookstore or library’s biography section - find someone you like, that you admire. Get that book and read it. Odds are good it’s going to be a recounting of someone who had it worse that you, who struggled like hell to pull themselves to the life they wanted, the things they believed in. If they did it, so can you. Not convinced? Go buy or check out another biography.
  • Every single day, do one tiny doable thing to make that future happen, and do it the very first thing. You want to write a bestselling novel? Spend 30 minutes a day writing the very first thing you do. Want to run the company you work for? Do one tiny step to towards that future before you do the rest of you job. Want to write a great app you can be proud of? Spend the first 30 minutes learning what you have to learn and doing what you have to do to make that happen. What about all the things you’re supposed to do? They can wait for all of 30 minutes while you do some tiny, but constructive, step for you.
 
Personally, I think the first point is asking a lot - many of us don't know what we want. It's easy to say the things we don't want, but figuring out what we *want*? That requires a real hard look in ourselves, something a lot of us are afraid to do, or just so unpracticed at it that the challenge seems overwhelming and leaves us lost. I know I've felt that way at times. I suppose my only comment to that point would be if you can only identify things currently in your life that you don't want, focus on getting them out of your way. Avoid those people, those places, those situations - whatever it takes to remove something unwanted from your life, the space will get filled with something else, and who knows...it could be something you *want* ;)

I know I have a real hard time letting go of things. I am a grudge-master, just ask my sister ;) And the last bit about tiny steps, I've heard and believe (a tiny step is better than no step, and they add up) but damn it's hard to keep the faith when all you feel you're doing is little steps - makes you doubt it's worth it or that it's really going to make a change. I'll tell you from experience, they *do* add up, and they *do* lead to a change. Don't try to eat an elephant all at once, take tiny bites and you'll get there.

One of my biggest points to people is to look outside themselves - you'll find someone else is always worse off, someone else has overcome the same problems you face. Basically, don't think you are the only person to be in whatever situation you're in. But a lot of you know that, being TDSers, as we all share with eachother our issues, and how we try to face them. I suppose that's my key reason for posting this, as a reminder of why we're here. To help one another.
 
TheLoveBandit said:
[*]Let go of your luggage. That’s right, stick all the emails decaying in your inbox into a new folder, move all the hundreds of documents littering your desktop and My Documents folder to a new folder, drag all those bookmarks and favorites you just had to mark to a new folder, delete all your saved voicemails, bag every task lingering on your to do list older than a week. Heresy! Blasphemy! Nope: Reality. If you want to get to the future you’ve got to let go of the past, and besides, to be brutally honest, what are the chances you are going to deal with all those dead open loops? Slim to none. Lighten your load. So let go.

I like that one TLB, I've only lately got into the joys of letting go of the past. Its such a fucking relief, I can't actually believe some of the crap I was clinging so furiously too. Nice thread :)

Be_Here_Now.gif
 
Great idea for a thread! I'm sure I'll find lots of stuff to add. :)
 
I've got a couple more, but didn't want to slam the thread from the get'go :\ I'll throw another one in a couple of days from now, but if you got one you wanna discuss - go for it. :)
 
Yeah, good article. Considering im really close to the point of looking for work now(got an idea of what i wish to do despite limited options and pretty fired up for it) articles like that help.
 
Six Principles of Change

Key Points:

1. The belief that you can change is the key to change. This is not the powerlessness message of the 12 steps but rather the message of self-efficacy. Addictions are really no different from other behaviors—believing you can change encourages commitment to the process and enhances the likelihood of success.

2. The type of treatment is less critical than the individual's commitment to change. People can select how they want to pursue change in line with their own values and preferences. They don't need to be told how to change.

3. Brief treatments can change longstanding habits. It is not the duration of the treatment that allows people to change but rather its ability to inspire continued efforts in that direction.

4. Life skills can be the key to licking addiction. All addictions may not be equal; the community-reinforcement approach, with its emphasis on developing life skills, might be needed for those more severely debilitated by drugs and alcohol.

5. Repeated efforts are critical to changing. People do not often get better instantly—it usually takes multiple efforts. Providing follow-up care allows people to maintain focus on their change goals. Eventually, they stand a good chance of achieving them.

6. Improvement, without abstinence, counts. People do not usually succeed all at once. But they can show significant improvements; and all improvement should be accepted and rewarded. It is counterproductive to kick people out of therapy for failing to abstain. The therapeutic approach of recognizing improvement in the absence of abstinence is called harm reduction.
 
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10 Ways to Instantly Build Self Confidence


Self confidence is the difference between feeling unstoppable and feeling scared out of your wits. Your perception of yourself has an enormous impact on how others perceive you. Perception is reality — the more self confidence you have, the more likely it is you’ll succeed.

Although many of the factors affecting self confidence are beyond your control, there are a number of things you can consciously do to build self confidence. By using these 10 strategies you can get the mental edge you need to reach your potential.

1. Dress Sharp

Although clothes don’t make the man, they certainly affect the way he feels about himself. No one is more conscious of your physical appearance than you are. When you don’t look good, it changes the way you carry yourself and interact with other people. Use this to your advantage by taking care of your personal appearance. In most cases, significant improvements can be made by bathing and shaving frequently, wearing clean clothes, and being cognizant of the latest styles.

This doesn’t mean you need to spend a lot on clothes. One great rule to follow is “spend twice as much, buy half as much”. Rather than buying a bunch of cheap clothes, buy half as many select, high quality items. In long run this decreases spending because expensive clothes wear out less easily and stay in style longer than cheap clothes. Buying less also helps reduce the clutter in your closet.

2. Walk Faster

One of the easiest ways to tell how a person feels about herself is to examine her walk. Is it slow? tired? painful? Or is it energetic and purposeful? People with confidence walk quickly. They have places to go, people to see, and important work to do. Even if you aren’t in a hurry, you can increase your self confidence by putting some pep in your step. Walking 25% faster will make to you look and feel more important.

3. Good Posture

Similarly, the way a person carries herself tells a story. People with slumped shoulders and lethargic movements display a lack of self confidence. They aren’t enthusiastic about what they’re doing and they don’t consider themselves important. By practicing good posture, you’ll automatically feel more confident. Stand up straight, keep your head up, and make eye contact. You’ll make a positive impression on others and instantly feel more alert and empowered.

4. Personal Commercial

One of the best ways to build confidence is listening to a motivational speech. Unfortunately, opportunities to listen to a great speaker are few and far between. You can fill this need by creating a personal commercial. Write a 30-60 second speech that highlights your strengths and goals. Then recite it in front of the mirror aloud (or inside your head if you prefer) whenever you need a confidence boost.

5. Gratitude

When you focus too much on what you want, the mind creates reasons why you can’t have it. This leads you to dwell on your weaknesses. The best way to avoid this is consciously focusing on gratitude. Set aside time each day to mentally list everything you have to be grateful for. Recall your past successes, unique skills, loving relationships, and positive momentum. You’ll be amazed how much you have going for you and motivated to take that next step towards success.

6. Compliment other people

When we think negatively about ourselves, we often project that feeling on to others in the form of insults and gossip. To break this cycle of negativity, get in the habit of praising other people. Refuse to engage in backstabbing gossip and make an effort to compliment those around you. In the process, you’ll become well liked and build self confidence. By looking for the best in others, you indirectly bring out the best in yourself.

7. Sit in the front row

In schools, offices, and public assemblies around the world, people constantly strive to sit at the back of the room. Most people prefer the back because they’re afraid of being noticed. This reflects a lack of self confidence. By deciding to sit in the front row, you can get over this irrational fear and build your self confidence. You’ll also be more visible to the important people talking from the front of the room.

8. Speak up

During group discussions many people never speak up because they’re afraid that people will judge them for saying something stupid. This fear isn’t really justified. Generally, people are much more accepting than we imagine. In fact most people are dealing with the exact same fears. By making an effort to speak up at least once in every group discussion, you’ll become a better public speaker, more confident in your own thoughts, and recognized as a leader by your peers.

9. Work out

Along the same lines as personal appearance, physical fitness has a huge effect on self confidence. If you’re out of shape, you’ll feel insecure, unattractive, and less energetic. By working out, you improve your physcial appearance, energize yourself, and accomplish something positive. Having the discipline to work out not only makes you feel better, it creates positive momentum that you can build on the rest of the day.

10. Focus on contribution

Too often we get caught up in our own desires. We focus too much on ourselves and not enough on the needs of other people. If you stop thinking about yourself and concentrate on the contribution you’re making to the rest of the world, you won’t worry as much about you own flaws. This will increase self confidence and allow you to contribute with maximum efficiency. The more you contribute to the world the more you’ll be rewarded with personal success and recognition.
 
The walk fast and personal commercial 8) ...um, yeah, I'd have to pass on those. However, I can speak from personal experience that some of my happier and more productive days were when I'd make it a goal to compliment 3 people that day - anyone, on anything - you'd be suprised how much telling someone they look nice or thanks for doing something simple can actually improve YOUR mood :) That goes hand-in-hand with gratitude, because it makes you pay attention to others, look at their contributions and find something you could thank them for - appreciate what they do, and you may discover you do things too that you or others take for granted, you may appreciate yourself more.

Focusing on contribution is great - it takes your perspective out of the current 'life sucks' mode, takes your mind off yourself - opens your mind to what's around you, who is around you. Definitely brightens your outlook.

And, I'll confess, the 'dress nice' and 'posture' stuff is easy to call bullshit on, but try it for awhile and see if it makes a difference. There is a difference to 'faking' being happy and confident VS what this article is suggesting. It's not a matter of pretending for the sake of others, it's a matter of practicing behaviour that is reflective of confidence and self awareness - practicing can help bring out that attitude within you. I've seen it work for me and others.
 
I also dont think the clothes one is too important. It takes confidence to be able to wear shit clothes and feel good dont ya think? I like the numbers 5,6 and 10 though.
 
I would like to add to the confidence one.

11) Look upto yourself, not down. I just nearly had an anxiety attack and realized i was sending myself negative messages, if you look upto yourself you'll send yourself positivity and become more confident i find.

12) Look forward to your own good times ahead/be pleased for others, then your own good times will be more enjoyable, and you'll be more confident.
 
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