Are you ready?

[falsifiedhypothesi]

The title is misleading, there is no intrigue here. Welcome to my biyearly vent, where I talk about the things I can't ever seem to find the words for. Feel free to hvacuate

My stim binges have been taking a greater and greater toll on me. Sometimes I don't even bother responding to things people say anymore, I just nod, "mmmhmmm" and that's it. It feels like whenever I bother to let out words I put my foot in my mouth so bad that I immediately regret it, not that it's offensive, it's just very poorly thought out.

I have no control over my mind anymore, it's chaos. The fleeting moments of clarity are starting to become so disproportionate to the everyday that I don't know how much longer I can let this continue.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

The title is misleading, there is no intrigue here. Welcome to my biyearly vent, where I talk about the things I can't ever seem to find the words for. Feel free to hvacuate

My stim binges have been taking a greater and greater toll on me. Sometimes I don't even bother responding to things people say anymore, I just nod, "mmmhmmm" and that's it. It feels like whenever I bother to let out words I put my foot in my mouth so bad that I immediately regret it, not that it's offensive, it's just very poorly thought out.

I have no control over my mind anymore, it's chaos. The fleeting moments of clarity are starting to become so disproportionate to the everyday that I don't know how much longer I can let this continue.

Well, that sounds like a fairly shitty way to have to live. It sounds to me like you are entering a psychosis brought on by the stim abuse.

Are you fairly mentally healthy other than the stim use? I mean do you have any diagnoses and have any psych meds been scripted previously?

What's keeping you abusing the stims even though you are aware that you are in mental trouble? Addiction or is it just compulsion?

At least you are aware of what is happening and can hopefully do something about it. I wish you strength and peace.

 

[Phoenix_03]

The title is misleading, there is no intrigue here. Welcome to my biyearly vent, where I talk about the things I can't ever seem to find the words for. Feel free to hvacuate

My stim binges have been taking a greater and greater toll on me. Sometimes I don't even bother responding to things people say anymore, I just nod, "mmmhmmm" and that's it. It feels like whenever I bother to let out words I put my foot in my mouth so bad that I immediately regret it, not that it's offensive, it's just very poorly thought out.

I have no control over my mind anymore, it's chaos. The fleeting moments of clarity are starting to become so disproportionate to the everyday that I don't know how much longer I can let this continue.

Your reluctance to respond to people stems from the stim use? Or are you just tired of peoples shit and can’t be bothered to put energy into responding? Cuz there’s a big difference between the two, I think. I personally can relate to the latter, I hate talking on the phone, am willing to text but barely. I don’t dislike people as a whole but have encountered such shitty ones that I’m just complacent overall and only care about my family or closest friends.

Overdoing stimulants on the regular is still bad news. It sounds like you’re either on the edge of stim psychosis or already in the middle of it. Try to cut back, slowly If you must and take care of yourself in every other way possible. If you find stopping on your own is impossible, reach out to a close friend or family for help, If it’s an option. If not, there’s many other ways to get help as I’m sure you know. Hang in there,

 

[falsifiedhypothesi]

Thank you for the responses, it has kind of shocked me into realizing I may be getting too carried away with amp lately. I've never had stimulant psychosis symptoms until now, i'm very busy and very stressed as of recent, I am sleeping 6/7 nights a week with the help of 100mg of diphenhydramine but I only get 3-5 hours.

Due to a marked decline in executive function over the last few years i've lost my ability to be articulate, which has nearly destroyed my comedic timing and ability to have a fluent conversation. On top of that, my voice doesn't carry, so normally I don't even realize how quietly i'm talking. Sometimes i'll say something in a group and no one will respond. Then I have to guess whether they just don't care and/or couldn't hear what I said, and since I'm not confident in my words anyway, I just don't bother saying anything.

I haven't been diagnosed with anything, but I also haven't seen anyone about it. That is mostly because I don't want to be labeled by people using an inexact science. Judging by the cycles of mood in my life i'm fairly confident I have either borderline, bipolar ii, or some mixture of the two.