Today mediocre at best. Rained and consequently the atmosphere outside battleship gray and thus myself was feeling battleship gray. Plus side is that cutting cycle is over. Out of shape a few months ago and have been on strict regime of supplements and vitamins. BMI is now at 10%. According to statistics, under weight but now have perfect foundation for bulking cycle and one more cutting cycle. Add in fact I stopped with the heavy drinking and partying , and over active metabolism, will be looking and feeling very healthy come summer.
Just got back from a walk. Needed to get out of house so I grabbed cigarettes, music, and fired up Conjure One. Also fired up shot of morphine. Needed something for emotional pain. Was raining and I got soaked but did not matter. Did not mind. In a way it was almost pleasant, as if I was cleansing myself, which felt needed because lately been feeling weird. High and low. Days where I get this euphoria, feeling of divinity, as if I am drug of sorts and then there are days where I want to spend it in bed, encased in armor of black and golden thread to keep self safe from harm. Gets rather confusing sometimes and causes great deal of stress. Whats amazing though is despite how bad I feel, can swing back from it in a snap now. When with girlfreind for instance, veil of depression runs off my shoulders instant I see her, or when I start laughing with freinds it slowly lifts away and dissipates into nothingness. Sometimes I just start laughing for no reason to self and I feel better. Although when it comes to girlfreind, its mutual as far as making each other feel good and bringing each others heads and hearts back into aether, something still in awe over. Have also been reading book girlfreind gave me. Taught me to cherish and savor the moment instead of dwelling on things. Also taught me to drown out machinery in my head without the aid of chemical. Meditation and acupuncture I have been dabbling with also helping. Sat back today and thought about how far I have come and I have blossomed like a flower emotionally, intellectually, and physically. Unfortunately every rose has thorn and my petals wither time to time.
Tomorrow shall be good day. Will be chilling with the love of my life, one and only Little Miss after she gets off of work. Excited. Saw her yesterday but I miss her already.
Just got back from a walk. Needed to get out of house so I grabbed cigarettes, music, and fired up Conjure One. Also fired up shot of morphine. Needed something for emotional pain. Was raining and I got soaked but did not matter. Did not mind. In a way it was almost pleasant, as if I was cleansing myself, which felt needed because lately been feeling weird. High and low. Days where I get this euphoria, feeling of divinity, as if I am drug of sorts and then there are days where I want to spend it in bed, encased in armor of black and golden thread to keep self safe from harm. Gets rather confusing sometimes and causes great deal of stress. Whats amazing though is despite how bad I feel, can swing back from it in a snap now. When with girlfreind for instance, veil of depression runs off my shoulders instant I see her, or when I start laughing with freinds it slowly lifts away and dissipates into nothingness. Sometimes I just start laughing for no reason to self and I feel better. Although when it comes to girlfreind, its mutual as far as making each other feel good and bringing each others heads and hearts back into aether, something still in awe over. Have also been reading book girlfreind gave me. Taught me to cherish and savor the moment instead of dwelling on things. Also taught me to drown out machinery in my head without the aid of chemical. Meditation and acupuncture I have been dabbling with also helping. Sat back today and thought about how far I have come and I have blossomed like a flower emotionally, intellectually, and physically. Unfortunately every rose has thorn and my petals wither time to time.
Tomorrow shall be good day. Will be chilling with the love of my life, one and only Little Miss after she gets off of work. Excited. Saw her yesterday but I miss her already.