apathy must be our jesus.

[rewiiired]

woke up at noon, the peak of the day
so why is everything still black and gray?
keep thinking you'll wake up and it'll all be over, but you
dream a four-leaf clover, wake up beneath a boulder

keep the cynicism, just laugh at your reflection and this hell
every day drains you all the more, but you don't need yourself
but if nothing's really real at all, then why does it hurt so much?
dreams are all but useless, tough times call for a better crutch

You try to calm myself: remember, nothing really matters
happiness? she's bulimic. nihilism? he's all the fatter
and when hope has failed us, then apathy must be our jesus
a myth that protects us, a stupid delusion that can free us

but you can't help but realize that you're a slave again
that hope can kill a man, a torturous death that never ends
you scream, deliver me from the swamp here, lift me above the muck
put me in a state of mind where I just don't give a fuck

yet you wanted so much more, and it beats you black and blue
you figured freedom came to the man who had nothing left to loose
yet here you sit with nothing real to sit on, nothing to reach for but air,
your hands, long empty, stretch to catch more of what isn't there

but when hope has failed us, then apathy must be our jesus
a myth that protects us, a stupid delusion that can free us
still you scream, deliver me from the swamp here, lift me above the muck
but you're the only hand that can lift you, and you just don't give a fuck.

 

[Nietzche]

Thats a rather interesting messiah you've got there! I rather liked this, but I must confess . . . I find it . . . conceptually incomensurate (uh, the whole apathy, jesus thing) but whatever . . . it caught my eye.

 

[rewiiired]

Thank you. And though there is no real relation between the whole apathy-jesus thing in my own life, it was a symbol I was trying to use to indicate some relation between some people's idea of `jesus' and how hope and apathy is in my life. As in it's some delusional myth used as some weapon to ward off the harsh realities of life. For some it's that their god or the son of their god will save them if only they follow a certain path or play by certain rules. For others the idea that saves them is merely hope: `if I put my midn to it I can accomplish anything, anything at all, and if keep trying nothing can stop me'. And when one myth, like god or hope, fails us, we fall into another. For instance, we believe that apathy can be our savior: i I don't care, I'm invincible. If I dissociate, if I'm numb, not reacting, if I totally give up on caring what happens to me and the world -- maybe that will `save' me. But these thoughts are just thoughts: a wall you build between you and reality. Thinking someone will save you, focusing on the thought that everything will be all right if you keep dragging your feet, or giving up entirely and believing you don't care -- these are all delusions we use to try and deal with life without actually dealing with it.

Eh, fuck it, it's too hard to explain, and I'm no fucking ubermench. I hate explaining poetry, mostly because poetry itself is a way of explaining something that can only be conveyed through poetry. But I tried... thanks for the comments, none the less.

 

[TiberCross]

these words tear down walls

 

[Cat Again]

i have been in those same shoes. i thought apathy would be my savior. i thought i would escape my problems through it. but before i had a chance to dive head first into nihilism i realized i didnt know what i was running from and to escape i had to first figure out wat it was that i was escaping. enough about me
this is def on my top 10 list. def one of your best, it speaks to me more than anything ive read in a while. really an amazing poem.