I am on 50 mg a day. Started at 30mg daily 6 or 7 years ago. increased gradually due to increased working day duration and tolerance. i used to be good and take the prescribed amount only, but I have no self control with use now, I don,t even bother counting how many I take anymore, when i run out I just stay in bed until I am allowed to pick up the script, or use the not so legal alternative if money permits.
Is everyone else able to stick to the prescribed dose?
Hey,
Ive been on 30mg a day for 8 years now. I would be on more if Qld didnt have such strict Dex laws.
For the first 6 years I used them as prescribed. I was diagnosed with Adult ADHD, but I was never really convinced of that, but at the same time I was so desperate to kick my Ice habit and I
needed something (less severe) to fall back on. I think this stems back to my 15 years of heroin use, and relying on methadone to kick the opiate habit.
So the first 8 years were great. The dex allowed me to completely change my lifestyle, start a career, rebuild my family and I never lapsed back into using for that entire time.
I actually convinced myself that I was no longer an addict. That Dex didnt count as a drug considering the drug habits I had kicked in the last 25 years, I believed I was 'fixed'.
The last 3 years have been a slow occuring nightmare that just seemed to gain more and more momentum as I lost control. To this day I still have no idea why I suddenly started
to abuse my scripts. The only thing that stands out is doing 2 years of night shifts, and changing my dosing times to suit my shifts. There was no major drama, loss, or event that stands out.
Im on weekly pick ups and once I have them I keep dosing until they are gone (usually 2 days) and Then I cant function for the remainder of the week until I pick up again.. Repeat..Over and over..
Obviously this is not a normal way of life. I have 2 kids and a husband who has reached the end of his patience levels (non user). The last year I have taken them with me on my downslide thru hell.
I reached out to a new psychiatrist, was totally honest and asked for help. Story cut short, He was a money hungry prick who made me come in every fortnight ($160 per visit) which put more strain
on my family and our finances and for 5 months worth of visits, I got nothing from him in the way of help.
Now Im going back to my G.P to get scripts, much cheaper, but still on the merry-go-round.
So cut to now, present time.. my family waits and hopes that i will be able to get my shit together and get off the Dex, or at least go back to using them properly, daily as prescribed.
My husband even got me scripts of Modafinal, but they did shit for me and were also really expensive. im actually really pissed off with myself. the shit Ive walked away from, the drugs
that were 20 times harder to kick, I kicked by myself each time (I dont believe in rehabs). And now Dex shit has me fucked up beyond understanding.
I got some speed a few times, but very quickly realised that it was no replacement for the Dex and hardly took away the craving. luckily, I have no desire to score anymore , as I am
mentally aware that its just a waste of money I cant throw away. But no in control enough to use my script correctly, and still more than willing to suffer for 5 days and enjoy 2.
I dont even know why the fuck Im posting this. As per usual, everyone is asleep, and Ill be up all night either writing or doing sweet fuck all until the morning.
What I know for sure: I love my family, but lack the ability to try harder to kick. Everyday I see the level of pain I cause them because I cannot function as a mother or partner
or in the workforce for most of the week. I think i have already lost my man, he just isnt the kind to kick me when Im down, so he wont leave..At this point. Hes tired, I can see that.
I have no more justifications, excuses, ideas or optimism for him. Just gonna have to walk this path until theres no path or choice left. Im actually calm and at ease with this option.
I can see how out of whack my priorities are, but i cant take hold of the reins. Its like im outside of myself, watching myself go downhill and yet have no desire to stop myself.
My idea of a perfect solution for this problem would be to have the right to dose myself everyday without restriction, yet not to the point where I cant sleep or eat.
Most times, I dont feel like taking extra tabs, but I need to know I have them there, like a security blanket. I dont wanna use them recreationally all the time, but since Ive been
put back to weekly pick ups, and am being watched by the docs for chemist hopping, I just pop them till they are gone.
Yeah its bullshit.. of all drugs, dexies hahahha. Friends from years back would have a massive laugh at this.. Glad that I dont have to face that humiliation ha!
Anyways, this site was a epic find. it helps at times like this , where I can just type out how I feel. I wish we had something like this 20 years ago, Im sure alot of people
would agree.
This is by no means a cry for help . so please, no have you tried this? or have you seen that? advice. Im not trying to be difficult or ungrateful, but i can honestly
assure everyone I have tried pretty much everything.
Maybe someone contemplating getting on Dexies will read this and reconsider the idea. Who knows.
Thanks for the opportunity to pour some of this out.
Cheers and safe using to all