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Anxious about my next roll help!!

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ducednig

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 5, 2009
Messages
153
Location
california562.
Hello everyone, i haven't posted here in a while lol well first off i've been invited to a party(birthday) and was told that every single person is going to be rolling. with many "pretty girls" too, and was asked to roll also.
the thing is, past year on june 2009, i've sort of "misdosed/used" (i didn't want to say overdosed) ecstasy and was in a state of hell, psychosis, insanity, hyperthermia, dehydration, acute dystonia, and basically everything that is listed as overdose symptoms on wikipedia for 9 to 11 hours. It was an AWFUL AWFUL experience, i had a good roll, but those hours after the roll was just ridiculous.
to make this thread shorter, i'm thinking about thizzing at the party i was invited.
It's been a year and 2 months since i've been clean of ecstasy, and my anxiety has finally gone down completely.
i had major anxiety and panic disorder for couple of months after that tragic event from june 2009.
I sometimes think my anxiety has gotten even better than before i even popped my first ecstasy.
i always got bad anxiety from smoking green, but now i smoke it and have no anxiety at all.
hardly anything makes my heart pump ridiculously fast.

it's just that im wayyyy too scared to pop, but i also REALLY want to and im just not sure if i will be going through that horrible experience again.
oh and btw if you ask the pills i have are pokeballs and are tested with being very much more than clean.
since i know bluelight has alot of experienced users and are willing to give good help and support, im putting this up =]

also I'm actually not really even much of an experienced roller, only rolled a few times, with everytime being anxiety free and good. except that one night in 2009 as i stated above.

well if any of you guys want to know more about the details of what happened that night as i misdosed, look into my threads ive made. i've actually made a quite few asking about that horrible experience.

oh yea and i was in a really bad condition that week i popped in june 2009, i had raging fever, bad cold, cough, i was very sick and took alot of ibuprofen that whole week and that night i rolled, i drank robitussen too to help ease my cough. im thinking i might of had a very bad reaction to the ecstasy since i was so sick. but im still not sure.....

sorry if this post is really long but this is really important for me. i have to make up my mind to whether i should pop or not..


*Edit* I just came back from the party and boy was i rolling nuts lol. my anxiety wasnt FULLY gone but the roll sort of diminished/dulled it so i had a good time. i came down wayyyy smoothly and barely noticed the roll fading out and there was no bad experience after. Slept for 5 hours after the roll and js ate some mcdonalds hahaha thanks guys for the support! =]
 
Last edited:
sweet, first reply! (ive noticed that can shape a whole thread)

With most hallucinogenics (which MDMA is classified as), any anxiety for a decent period before, even if not the day of, can resurface during the trip. Especially true for "true" hallucinogenics, like LSD, mescaline, and psylocibin (shrooms), any anxiety can cause a horrible trip, a\nd you are bound to be out of whack for a couple days.

Stimulants (which MDMA is as well) ABSOLUTELY DO NOT MIX with anxiety. badbadbad. 2 different reasons for the same things? heart rate increase, hyperthermia, etc., from 2 different sources? no thanks.

Extasy can cause some of the same things from both. If you are prone to anxiety or motion sickness, the effects can be quite overwhelming. I personally had my first iffy roll, with minor motion sickness a few days ago, and whilst rolling, its NOT enjoyable.

However, if you feel that you are in sound mental and physical condition, go ahead. BUT, some advice:DONT take more than you usually do, 1-2 pills should be enough. If you start to feel overwhelmed, sit somewhere cool and quiet, focus on one point, breathe as slowly and deeply as is comfortable, maybe smoke a cig, just chill. listen to some quiet music maybe, and dont throw up on any furniture.
 
mixing cough meds with MDMA is dangerous and that could be the reason you had such a bad experience. DXM is the active ingrediant in most OTC cough supressants and it can cause alot of issues when mixed with MDMA...I am sure other OTC cold meds could have made it even worse. sudephed + MDMA + DXM in my mind would = racing heart + virtigo+overheating+nausea and the rest could be attributted to panic attack :\

Just take it slow and don't overdue it...if you have benzos you can keep them around to abort the roll if things go south.
 
oh yea and i have some xanax which i can take if i feel like im going to die again. lol. maybe i can take like .5 mg before the roll to help ease my anxiety?
 
ducednig said:
Hello everyone, i haven't posted here in a while lol well first off i've been invited to a party(birthday) and was told that every single person is going to be rolling. with many "pretty girls" too, and was asked to roll also.
the thing is, past year on june 2009, i've sort of "misdosed/used" (i didn't want to say overdosed) ecstasy and was in a state of hell, psychosis, insanity, hyperthermia, dehydration, acute dystonia, and basically everything that is listed as overdose symptoms on wikipedia for 9 to 11 hours. It was an AWFUL AWFUL experience, i had a good roll, but those hours after the roll was just ridiculous.
to make this thread shorter, i'm thinking about thizzing at the party i was invited.
It's been a year and 2 months since i've been clean of ecstasy, and my anxiety has finally gone down completely.
i had major anxiety and panic disorder for couple of months after that tragic event from june 2009.
I sometimes think my anxiety has gotten even better than before i even popped my first ecstasy.
i always got bad anxiety from smoking green, but now i smoke it and have no anxiety at all.
hardly anything makes my heart pump ridiculously fast.

it's just that im wayyyy too scared to pop, but i also REALLY want to and im just not sure if i will be going through that horrible experience again.
oh and btw if you ask the pills i have are pokeballs and are tested with being very much more than clean.
since i know bluelight has alot of experienced users and are willing to give good help and support, im putting this up =]

also I'm actually not really even much of an experienced roller, only rolled a few times, with everytime being anxiety free and good. except that one night in 2009 as i stated above.

well if any of you guys want to know more about the details of what happened that night as i misdosed, look into my threads ive made. i've actually made a quite few asking about that horrible experience.

oh yea and i was in a really bad condition that week i popped in june 2009, i had raging fever, bad cold, cough, i was very sick and took alot of ibuprofen that whole week and that night i rolled, i drank robitussen too to help ease my cough. im thinking i might of had a very bad reaction to the ecstasy since i was so sick. but im still not sure.....

sorry if this post is really long but this is really important for me. i have to make up my mind to whether i should pop or not..
Click to expand...

Sounds like serotonin syndrome and it sounds like your robotussin was the culprit. If you're unsure, maybe you should just avoid it and enjoy the positive times you did have with MDMA. If you choose to take MDMA at this party, it is unlikely you'll experience the same symptoms again. If your pills are clean (you said they were clean and pokeballs, which means they may even be strong), I'd start with just taking a single pill and not going overboard with it. Either way, I don't see things getting out of control like they did when you took MDMA while on cough medicine for a cold. DXM and MDMA is almost a surefire way to give yourself serotonin syndrome.
 
Not really sure but I think you can kill your roll that way...better to have a beer or 2 to curb pre-roll anxiety I think. But I have very little experience with benzos and rolling.
 
holy fuck, i completely forgot about SS or STS if oyu wanna be technical.
yeah, very bad way to die too.
COD- massive headache caused by too much serotonin
 
It sounds like you have a conditioned anxiety response. They can be very difficult to get rid of, but you may have success with time and patience.

I loved MDMA and never was scared of it until about 10 years ago I took a super strong pill of MDMA on an empty stomach and came up so hard within 15 minutes that I thought I had lost my mind and would be insane forever. It only lasted about 5 minutes and turned out to be one of the best rolls of my life, but it was never the same after. Even thinking about MDMA would make me start to get scared and anxious and I would go into a full blown panic response as soon as I swallowed a pill - wasn't that much fun as it would take mega doses of drug just for me to kill the panic response without ever really getting the magic.

Here's what I did that hopefully will help you: Start with a low to low-moderate dose of MDMA in a setting where you feel completely safe, secure and in control. For me that was at home with friends who were very experienced with MDMA. The next time you can try upping your dose or staying at the same dose and trying a different setting. The whole idea is that slowly over time you reprogram your brain and it relearns that MDMA isn't something to be scared of so you don't have the anxiety and panic response. You may not get "high" or have a magical time when you're doing what I've recommended, but it very well could help you a lot. It sure did for me.
 
thanks for that response vancbc. but one thing i want to add is that i'm completely anxiety free in my regular daily life but its just that thinking that i'm going to be popping e again is kinda making me worry.
i love to think about my past rolls and ecstasy with no problems its just that i'm going to have to do it again.

but i get your point and im probably just going to start off with just half a pill.
 
ducednig said:
thanks for that response vancbc. but one thing i want to add is that i'm completely anxiety free in my regular daily life but its just that thinking that i'm going to be popping e again is kinda making me worry.
i love to think about my past rolls and ecstasy with no problems its just that i'm going to have to do it again.

but i get your point and im probably just going to start off with just half a pill.
Click to expand...

I totally get where you're coming from. I don't have anxiety in my every day life, and I can think about using E in the past and I'm totally fine. Yet somehow the anxiety and fear comes in when I think about using E in the future.

I wish you the best. I'm confident you'll be able to deal with it and work through your fear. :)
 
Good luck ducednig!
And I agree, you shouldn't take xanax before because it will minimize your roll!!! I've done that couple of times, and felt like it would have been better if I just stayed anxious until I took the pill, because once I started rolling the anxiety would go away... And that's what I do now every single time. Just tough the anxiety out, control your intake, make sure your pills are clean, and make sure you have your xanax in handy for afterward, just in case ;)
And tell us how it went!
 
Guys! i rolled last night and it was awesome! no bad comedown or overdose symptoms, just a smooth roll with a nice afterglow =]
 
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