I just had to say something...I guess its thank you... for putting that in words so I can in someway explain to my husband how I feel day after day. I wish you peace and love.
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Mental Health Anxiety Disorders MEGA thread
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junglebook
Bluelighter
i wholeheartedly agree with what you say in your first paragraph. i can apply that to myself perfectly.
halfwaycrooks
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jul 24, 2012
- Messages
- 2
i need help with my life problem ;(
Okey so during my senior year(June2010-june 2011) Ive smoked weed everyday right after school to just chill, play ball, have fun and laugh. I also smoke before going into school and during lunch break because it keeps me focused and my mind gets interested in studying/learning like I'm in the zone.. I even did my friends final project to pass a required class to graduate. I even smoke when its midnight to enjoy a movie before bed. So basically Im saying weed was a good enjoyable herb that I take to relax and for the fun during my school year.
But during my senior year I met a guy that I don't know only because I see him hanging around the bus stop I go to catch the bus to go to school and he's a type of tough rugged bully kind of guy and also his friends and we chat and to find out they smoke weed also and of course harder drugs. So he told me if I wanted some weed just let him know. Then another day later I asked for half an Oz and he said ok and him and 2 older guys drove to where I was. Once they arrived we shook hands said wassup and then one of his friend asked to see if the money is real so I gave it and they went to the car saying ill get the weed but then they drove off as it was a set up the whole time. I never talked to him/them until a month later I ran into him and his boys then we talked and he acted like he was forced too do it because his cousin(the one who took my money). Then he said if we were cool about it and I said yeah.. only because I didn't want this to turn into a big fight with his boys and my boys because I moved from a nearby district where these boys have problems/rivalry with. After the incident I got a bit scared walking around my neighborhood knowing that they know I'm from a place they envy/hate and is always be alone.
That didn't stop me from smoking weed after graduation (June2011- July 2011) though I just worry about running into them. BUT THINGS CHANGED.. so a day around August 2011 i was going to the bus stop to go to work and I ran into one of the old guys and he asked if he can borrow my phone to call someone but instantly I thought this is another set up( I'd thought he'd call backup to jack me or to steal my phone) I also went through a panic attack for the first time ever and I was sober butvluckilu the bus came and I said I gotta go. I was scared, slit went through my mind.
It came to October 2011 my friends I worked with planned to rent an apartment on the other side of town and since it was by our working place I joined to move in with them and because I was terrified of my neighborhood now. So we lived in an apartment and it was a party house mostly everyday/night( I'd still go back to my home some days but just a bit more worried than the set up incident, like is sweat a bit and my heart race when I get off the bus to go home and id watch my back walking to my house... So one day at the new apartments with my friends, a friend brought meth and I was peer pressured but yet I didn't thought it was a big deal, so we did it from time to time. Then by the end of October2011(smoking free method for a good month) the high hit me, I had a bad trip like anyone was talking smack about me or strangers who look intimidating would jump me and all those paranoia. Sadly my friend stopped paying rent and we went back living at our old places and I went back to the neighborhood and I ran into the guy I got setted up from and it was at night I was by myself and so was he and we shook hands and I got home and I was home alone. I started tripping like he came back with friends and every noise I heard I thought it was them by my Windows so I called my uncle to help me and I called the cops. But to find out no one was outside and cops didn't show up idk why. And since that day I go through paranoia at night and every noise bother me like its them. Then I quitted my job cause I couldn't even go out anymore because I'm paranoid.
From end of October2011 to maybe march 2012 I went through full on paranoia but from April 2012 - may2012 it settled down like is enjoy being home with no problem but I get second thoughts to catch the bus(the day after I called cops/the bad trip until now July2012 I didn't leave my house to catch bus). Now its July 2012 I wonder how to move on with this problem because its stoping me from having a job due to the fact I have to catch bus to go work. I also can get into the mood to show face and catch bus and if they do something is fight back. But I'am also different now due to my messed up mind.. think negative when i smoke weed so I stopped also I'm a lot more quiet and shame to do things around people, friends and even family I also feel like I forgot how to eat, my food sometimes fall and I get toooo worried if people would think idk how to eat. I want to get my mind set back to normal and leave this past behind but its so hard.
SO MY QUESTION IS: WHAT AM I GOING THROUGH? AM I RIGHT THAT I'M PARANOID? & LAST HOW DO I OVERCOME THIS/PARANOIA (SPECIFICALLY THE FEAR OF GOING OUT AND GET BEAT UP BY THE BULLIES)
PS* I know I sound like a scared dude I just don't want to go through a beating due to the fact I'm alone in my neighborhood with every boys here would go against me. Also if I do fight them I'm just worried they would come to my house looking for me and may harm my family but please hear me out and give me honest and good advice!
THANKYOU ALL FOR READING MY PROBLEM/MESSEGE, LOOKING FOWARD FOR SOME ADVICE!!
Okey so during my senior year(June2010-june 2011) Ive smoked weed everyday right after school to just chill, play ball, have fun and laugh. I also smoke before going into school and during lunch break because it keeps me focused and my mind gets interested in studying/learning like I'm in the zone.. I even did my friends final project to pass a required class to graduate. I even smoke when its midnight to enjoy a movie before bed. So basically Im saying weed was a good enjoyable herb that I take to relax and for the fun during my school year.
But during my senior year I met a guy that I don't know only because I see him hanging around the bus stop I go to catch the bus to go to school and he's a type of tough rugged bully kind of guy and also his friends and we chat and to find out they smoke weed also and of course harder drugs. So he told me if I wanted some weed just let him know. Then another day later I asked for half an Oz and he said ok and him and 2 older guys drove to where I was. Once they arrived we shook hands said wassup and then one of his friend asked to see if the money is real so I gave it and they went to the car saying ill get the weed but then they drove off as it was a set up the whole time. I never talked to him/them until a month later I ran into him and his boys then we talked and he acted like he was forced too do it because his cousin(the one who took my money). Then he said if we were cool about it and I said yeah.. only because I didn't want this to turn into a big fight with his boys and my boys because I moved from a nearby district where these boys have problems/rivalry with. After the incident I got a bit scared walking around my neighborhood knowing that they know I'm from a place they envy/hate and is always be alone.
That didn't stop me from smoking weed after graduation (June2011- July 2011) though I just worry about running into them. BUT THINGS CHANGED.. so a day around August 2011 i was going to the bus stop to go to work and I ran into one of the old guys and he asked if he can borrow my phone to call someone but instantly I thought this is another set up( I'd thought he'd call backup to jack me or to steal my phone) I also went through a panic attack for the first time ever and I was sober butvluckilu the bus came and I said I gotta go. I was scared, slit went through my mind.
It came to October 2011 my friends I worked with planned to rent an apartment on the other side of town and since it was by our working place I joined to move in with them and because I was terrified of my neighborhood now. So we lived in an apartment and it was a party house mostly everyday/night( I'd still go back to my home some days but just a bit more worried than the set up incident, like is sweat a bit and my heart race when I get off the bus to go home and id watch my back walking to my house... So one day at the new apartments with my friends, a friend brought meth and I was peer pressured but yet I didn't thought it was a big deal, so we did it from time to time. Then by the end of October2011(smoking free method for a good month) the high hit me, I had a bad trip like anyone was talking smack about me or strangers who look intimidating would jump me and all those paranoia. Sadly my friend stopped paying rent and we went back living at our old places and I went back to the neighborhood and I ran into the guy I got setted up from and it was at night I was by myself and so was he and we shook hands and I got home and I was home alone. I started tripping like he came back with friends and every noise I heard I thought it was them by my Windows so I called my uncle to help me and I called the cops. But to find out no one was outside and cops didn't show up idk why. And since that day I go through paranoia at night and every noise bother me like its them. Then I quitted my job cause I couldn't even go out anymore because I'm paranoid.
From end of October2011 to maybe march 2012 I went through full on paranoia but from April 2012 - may2012 it settled down like is enjoy being home with no problem but I get second thoughts to catch the bus(the day after I called cops/the bad trip until now July2012 I didn't leave my house to catch bus). Now its July 2012 I wonder how to move on with this problem because its stoping me from having a job due to the fact I have to catch bus to go work. I also can get into the mood to show face and catch bus and if they do something is fight back. But I'am also different now due to my messed up mind.. think negative when i smoke weed so I stopped also I'm a lot more quiet and shame to do things around people, friends and even family I also feel like I forgot how to eat, my food sometimes fall and I get toooo worried if people would think idk how to eat. I want to get my mind set back to normal and leave this past behind but its so hard.
SO MY QUESTION IS: WHAT AM I GOING THROUGH? AM I RIGHT THAT I'M PARANOID? & LAST HOW DO I OVERCOME THIS/PARANOIA (SPECIFICALLY THE FEAR OF GOING OUT AND GET BEAT UP BY THE BULLIES)
PS* I know I sound like a scared dude I just don't want to go through a beating due to the fact I'm alone in my neighborhood with every boys here would go against me. Also if I do fight them I'm just worried they would come to my house looking for me and may harm my family but please hear me out and give me honest and good advice!
THANKYOU ALL FOR READING MY PROBLEM/MESSEGE, LOOKING FOWARD FOR SOME ADVICE!!
pammy
Bluelighter
I started to suffer with chlostraphobia in the last 4 to 5 years and yesterday got stuck inside a 2 by 2 room 70 degrees outside i couldnt breathe i strarted to cry losing my breath i had severe pains in my chest like iv never experienced in my life i panicked so badly i had a panic attack.I honestly thoght i was ready to drop to the floor,i cant understand though why iv only got chlostraphobia quite recently iv never felt as bad as yesterday it just really worries me that i felt that bad for what seemed like hours but it was actually about ten minutes?im thinking that as iv got Bipolar Disorder i do tend to generally suffer from anxiety but just nevber realised how bad it could be at times i feelm like i embarrased myself but i honestly couldnt help hot i got its the worst anxiety iv had in my life is this quite a niormal thing to deal with?x
MissNervosa
Bluelighter
I'm too tired to read through this thread right now,but I saw it and thought I'd drop in and say hi,as I need to be here! I have panic disorder with agoraphobia.Looking forward to chatting to you guys 
pammy
Bluelighter
@MissNervosa
Hi nice to meet you,Pammie x
Hi nice to meet you,Pammie x
Bostonterror
Greenlighter
Is someone able to give me a little information on Depression vs Anxiety disorder. I never suffered from either but became ill with cancer in November of 2010. Now I am diagnosed with BOTH. I always thought they were the same thing. This is all so new to me. I am on Zoloft which seemed to work for a few months now does nothing. I also was prescribed Atavan (not sure of spelling) but instead of calming me down it made me more nervous. I am trying to so hard to get back to being myself. I was always a happy and positive person. Now all I want to do is sit in my room and watch TV. I have no interest in going out with friends anymore. I actually get really nervous if I know I have to leave the house. Like.....WTF.
Hi - I am new and would like to ask some questions about depression/anxiety to members in the groups who are experienced about recreational use of drugs.
Recently, I have been diagnosed with depression which manifests in anxiety in areas that I cannot control. The anxiety became very accute recently, but in retrospect, I suppose I have been quite flat/mildly depressed for about a year, with anxious episodes. I am very concerned that this has been caused by MDMA.
I started using 2 years ago (mid-2010), quite regularly, for about a year. There could be months when i wouldn't use at all, but then there could be a fortnight where I would hit it hard - thre was no specified pattern, but I did have fun with MDMA. After this pattern of use for about 8 months, I completely stopped. 5 weeks later, I felt very sad, but put this down to hormones, but now I am unsure - could it have been 'withdrawal'? I didnt think I had taken nearly enough, but I didnt take anything again until a few months later in the summer. At the end of August (2011), I took over one gram of MDMA in one day and suffered hugely as a consequence, really depressed for about a month, which scared the shit out of me and I stopped using for ages, only taking little bombs here and there with at least a month apart when I felt stronger. Looking back though, I think I was generally quite flat all year but didnt really notice, with a few random anxious episodes which I put down to high stress levels relating to work. Now, at the end of the summer, I have had this v intense anxious time after quite mild use in the summer.
I eat well, exercise regularly and keep busy. Depression runs in my family and I used to a bit of an anxious child. The anxiety I have seems to be not random, but triggered my certain events/thought processes. How viable is it that drugs have set off this? My therapist doesn't seem to think so, but I'm unsure and a bit of afraid to start anti-depressants, which has been recommended to me. I like to think I haven't brought this on to myself, as I know young women my age do develop these things, but with drugs in the mix, who knows....
Recently, I have been diagnosed with depression which manifests in anxiety in areas that I cannot control. The anxiety became very accute recently, but in retrospect, I suppose I have been quite flat/mildly depressed for about a year, with anxious episodes. I am very concerned that this has been caused by MDMA.
I started using 2 years ago (mid-2010), quite regularly, for about a year. There could be months when i wouldn't use at all, but then there could be a fortnight where I would hit it hard - thre was no specified pattern, but I did have fun with MDMA. After this pattern of use for about 8 months, I completely stopped. 5 weeks later, I felt very sad, but put this down to hormones, but now I am unsure - could it have been 'withdrawal'? I didnt think I had taken nearly enough, but I didnt take anything again until a few months later in the summer. At the end of August (2011), I took over one gram of MDMA in one day and suffered hugely as a consequence, really depressed for about a month, which scared the shit out of me and I stopped using for ages, only taking little bombs here and there with at least a month apart when I felt stronger. Looking back though, I think I was generally quite flat all year but didnt really notice, with a few random anxious episodes which I put down to high stress levels relating to work. Now, at the end of the summer, I have had this v intense anxious time after quite mild use in the summer.
I eat well, exercise regularly and keep busy. Depression runs in my family and I used to a bit of an anxious child. The anxiety I have seems to be not random, but triggered my certain events/thought processes. How viable is it that drugs have set off this? My therapist doesn't seem to think so, but I'm unsure and a bit of afraid to start anti-depressants, which has been recommended to me. I like to think I haven't brought this on to myself, as I know young women my age do develop these things, but with drugs in the mix, who knows....
i just had surgery last week and ive been on percocet until the day i took some lsd which felt like it has some amphetamines in it after it kicked in. i did not hallucinate or trip in any way but felt severe anxiety to the point where i couldnt be in the same place for more than acouple minutes. i felt as if i was freezing cold and in an oven at the same time. i was sweating one second and freezing the next. as the drugs were wearing off i felt as if something were missing and eventually fell asleep. when i woke the next morning i didnt feel like myself and couldnt feel emotions toward anything. never in my life have i had anxiety problems but for the last three days after the trip i have been having panic attacks, i dont have the drive to do anything, and again i have that feeling of something missing. i feel as if i could have ss between the perc, lsd, the amphetamine, and the weed, that i have been heavily under the influence of this past week. not to mention the fact that i had shoulder surgery, im not sleeping well as it is, my arm is strapped to me, ive been stripped of all of my responsibilities including work, driving, or having any freedom because of the surgery. most exercises are out of the question due to it as well and i was wondering if you had any advice or maybe even an idea of what im suffering from if not ss.
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
I would suggest staying off of all drugs and giving your mind a chance to settle and heal. No doubt it is stressful to have your life so impacted by the surgery and this healing period for your body should be one for your mind as well. Try to just ride it out, knowing it will pass. Do you like to read? I would turn to a good book to lose myself in, or lots of film DVDs if you prefer that--do you have access to those? Mainly, don't worry about how you are feeling as that just gives you a double dose of anxiety! I hope you heal quickly--what was the surgery?
theartofwar
Bluelighter
Man I was on the end that it did nothing for but leave me with a horrific headache . I did 3 EMDR sessions , doing everything, scaling the trauma from 1-10 and it was like a slide show in front of my face - i relived and saw everything over again but NO relief for me. Honestly i left the office (last time in rehab) kinda jonesin cuz i had just relived the hardest part of my life for about an hour and half very intensely.
I'm so stoked to hear it works for others though, I know people who swear by it and that is awesome. Therapy and meds are my answer, maybe the next new thing will help me more w my trauma.. maybe by then it wont be a big deal to me anymore ! One can pray and hope.
I'm so stoked to hear it works for others though, I know people who swear by it and that is awesome. Therapy and meds are my answer, maybe the next new thing will help me more w my trauma.. maybe by then it wont be a big deal to me anymore ! One can pray and hope.
@herbavore it was shoulder surgery to repair all of the cartilage. thank you for the advice, i just dont know if im making it worse trying to pin point my problem or if i should lay back and let it take care of itself. i just went out to the store and got melatonin hoping that itll mellow me out and let my brain use the seratonin it has to help with my mood rather than turn it into melatonin. nmy unlce aslo said itlll cut the edge off. i just dont feel like i can deal with it for the extent of the time im going to be out of commission.
tokenname
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2012
- Messages
- 2,056
i think the emdr sessions sound awful and would be my last resort.
i've been thru several different therapies..and i can't say that
any have helped..tho i wish they had..
it's been nothing but alot of time wasted as far as i'm concerned.
sounds ridiculous..that's the career field i'm going into.
i'm happy for anyone who can find relief thru cbt/counseling/therapy tho.
i'd like to be one of them..
i did try![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
i've been thru several different therapies..and i can't say that
any have helped..tho i wish they had..
it's been nothing but alot of time wasted as far as i'm concerned.
sounds ridiculous..that's the career field i'm going into.
i'm happy for anyone who can find relief thru cbt/counseling/therapy tho.
i'd like to be one of them..
i did try
@herbavore it was shoulder surgery to repair all of the cartilage. thank you for the advice, i just dont know if im making it worse trying to pin point my problem or if i should lay back and let it take care of itself. i just went out to the store and got melatonin hoping that itll mellow me out and let my brain use the seratonin it has to help with my mood rather than turn it into melatonin. nmy unlce aslo said itlll cut the edge off. i just dont feel like i can deal with it for the extent of the time im going to be out of commission.
gotit4cheap
Bluelighter
If smoking weed gives me anxiety, If I continue to do it am I gonna give myself really bad anxiety when Im sober? Or any mental problems or anything
Something changed in my brain chemical wise and it doesn't affect me the same anymore
But it was my first love and used to always calm me down, now I just get paranoid and anxious..but it's hard to stop doing it becuase Im still expecting the old feelings
Something changed in my brain chemical wise and it doesn't affect me the same anymore
But it was my first love and used to always calm me down, now I just get paranoid and anxious..but it's hard to stop doing it becuase Im still expecting the old feelings
sconnie420
Ex-Bluelighter
As stupid as it sounds, I have only recently discovered the roll anxiety has played in my life, and quite frankly its killing me...
This is some hard ass shit to live with.. BetwEen this and the massive depression, idk what to do..
You guys have any suggestions for lowering anxiety, othr then meds? I've just started a script about 2 weeks ago and while its helping a little I guess, the anxiety is definitely up. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, I feel like I'm loosing my damn mind and it sux!
This is some hard ass shit to live with.. BetwEen this and the massive depression, idk what to do..
You guys have any suggestions for lowering anxiety, othr then meds? I've just started a script about 2 weeks ago and while its helping a little I guess, the anxiety is definitely up. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, I feel like I'm loosing my damn mind and it sux!
spork
Bluelight Crew
^Have you looked into mindfulness mediation, sconnie? It's something that has really helped me. As hard as it may be, trying to take things moment to moment when you're feeling anxious really does help me through it. I definitely feel you on the anxiety though, it's something that I'm still trying to conquer and I think I always will be. Keep fighting it, hun. 
My anxiety is almost unbearable today. I've been pretty much crying all morning over this and I'm toying with the idea of calling in sick to work. I want to just be normal and not have to deal with this, but I need to just accept that that's something that I just will never be. I know what works for me in regards to my anxiety, but when I'm actually experiencing it I have a really difficult time going through the steps. Sometimes I feel like I've come a long way, but days like today I just feel like I'm back at the beginning and there's no hope. I'm feeling incredibly weak right now.
My anxiety is almost unbearable today. I've been pretty much crying all morning over this and I'm toying with the idea of calling in sick to work. I want to just be normal and not have to deal with this, but I need to just accept that that's something that I just will never be. I know what works for me in regards to my anxiety, but when I'm actually experiencing it I have a really difficult time going through the steps. Sometimes I feel like I've come a long way, but days like today I just feel like I'm back at the beginning and there's no hope. I'm feeling incredibly weak right now.
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sonicwhite
Bluelighter
Oh how I hate anxiety. Like when I lost my marbels back in 05 I detox from every drug in jail. I didn't even know how to use the phone. This anxiety I feel now is residue from that episode and well OCD. I have a bag full of fears and phobias and I noticed that when you withdrawal from facing your fears the bigger they become. Sometimes I have social anxiety when I'm talking to ppl. I don't get out much. I know I'm going to have anxiety when I see the judge for stealing. It was a really stupid choice to make and I'm going to make sure I never do that again. But, all around anxiety sux!
sconnie420
Ex-Bluelighter
^Have you looked into mindfulness mediation, sconnie? It's something that has really helped me. As hard as it may be, trying to take things moment to moment when you're feeling anxious really does help me through it. I definitely feel you on the anxiety though, it's something that I'm still trying to conquer and I think I always will be. Keep fighting it, hun.
My anxiety is almost unbearable today. I've been pretty much crying all morning over this and I'm toying with the idea of calling in sick to work. I want to just be normal and not have to deal with this, but I need to just accept that that's something that I just will never be. I know what works for me in regards to my anxiety, but when I'm actually experiencing it I have a really difficult time going through the steps. Sometimes I feel like I've come a long way, but days like today I just feel like I'm back at the beginning and there's no hope. I'm feeling incredibly weak right now.
Honestly, I haven't looked in2 much.. My therapist has mentioned "self talk" but 2bh that seems like a big load 2 me.. I should look in2 meditation, but I'm just leary bc when I get going, its so incredible hard 2 stop.. I often times don't, until I pop enough pills and it goes away..I just hate this so much, along w/ my life in general.. I often wonder what's stopping me, u know.. Idw keep living like this, I just dnt know what 2 do anymore.
But, hun, I get the never feeling "normal" hot damn I'm the same way.. I'm nevr happy, ever.. I nevr feel normal, ever.. Jesus life is hard when you're miserable..
areros18
Bluelighter
Prozac is the only SSRI'S that has actually worked and controlled my panic attacks. Before that- no other med did. I don't even need benzos anymore.