Anxiety / depression from marijuana use (journal)

[slick_willy]

Hey guys. So I just registered to this forum because I have been having ongoing anxiety and depression which I believe is a result of my marijuana use. To give some history, I smoked weed since I was 16 and am now 28. From ages 16-about 25 I could smoke as much as I wanted and never had any problems. I would have an awesome time, get things done, talk to people without issue, talk to beautiful girls etc. but sometime around 25, I started getting more and more anxiety, which would happen only when I would smoke but would go away when I didn't.

Of course I'm a dumbass and kept smoking well after I would get anxiety, until eventually it was undeniable that the marijuana use fueled my otherwise non-existent anxiety, and so I did the right thing and quit. I am at about day 20 of sobriety.

I have done other drugs in the past but those are behind me. Once in a while I will take anti-anxiety meds if I am having a panic attack, but I try not to take those any more than I absolute have to. I have cut down on my caffeine (was at about 400mg a day to about 100 mg a day now) and also started drinking tea and eating more veggies and have always exercised quite a bit, so no problem there.

Basically, when I smoke anymore it makes me unable to connect to people at all. I have trouble looking people in the eyes and feel almost alien, which is very uncharacteristic for me because usually I am very witty and clever and can talk to nearly ANYONE. Also, I used to be a lot quicker mentally, and can still handle pretty hefty problems (I am an engineering student) but struggle more than I used to. Math used to be a breeze, but now my head gets foggy over simple concepts, which I pretend to ignore the fogginess (instead of freaking out over it = making it worse) but I know that it is there and it is probably not a result of me aging just 3-4 years.

Basically this post is for anyone who has struggled with anxiety due to drugs or marijuana, as I want to provide hope to anyone who thinks they may be stuck this way forever. I am not out of the woods yet, but some days are a lot better than others, and I understand that it can take 6 months to a year or more in order to feel back to near 100%. I feel at about 80% mentally and only 50% with my interpersonal relationships (which is a real drag) and I will add to this post every few weeks with updates or milestones as my symptoms (hopefully) progress. Whether I am 'stuck' with this anxiety or not, I accept that marijuana is no longer fun anymore and only exacerbates my emotional problems.

I wish you guys the best of luck and if you have any related experiences or advice, feel free to post it here. Stay well friends %)

 

[dhcdavid]

Here's a thought: stay away from marijuana if this is what it does to you..............

 

[Roxi808]

^This...my story was the same as yours except once I had my 4th or 5th anxiety from smoking pot episode, I quit and haven't touched it since, that was about 20 years ago, you will find its a blessing in disguise as I had no problem putting it down. I just stopped enjoying it...imagine the money and effort this has saved me over the last twenty years...

 

[Phil.McKeer]

I can confirm via the experience of my friends who suffer from anxiety issues, that cannabis exacerbates anxiety in prone individuals. You did the right thing by putting it aside. Cannabis is really an awesome mind altering substance with a very safe profile but is contraindicated in a couple situations, one being in anxiety prone individuals.

 

[Londonscouser]

Hey man, i also suffer from cannabis induced anxiety and depression !!! I smoked every single day without missing a day, 1-2 grams a day for 5 years from 16-21. I am 21 still and i quit about 7 weeks ago. I noticed my anxiety is reduced....but i still am emotionless. I cant laugh and i cant cry, i never feel happy but i never feel sad. I got anhedonia.

But yeh, my anxiety used to be like 8/10, but now its like 5-6/10 after 2 months.
No improvement in my ability to experience pleasure or feelings tho =[

 

[Mysterie]

Hey man, i also suffer from cannabis induced anxiety and depression !!! I smoked every single day without missing a day, 1-2 grams a day for 5 years from 16-21. I am 21 still and i quit about 7 weeks ago. I noticed my anxiety is reduced....but i still am emotionless. I cant laugh and i cant cry, i never feel happy but i never feel sad. I got anhedonia.

But yeh, my anxiety used to be like 8/10, but now its like 5-6/10 after 2 months.
No improvement in my ability to experience pleasure or feelings tho =[

it could take a while to figure out what things you do regularly that are still holding you back from experiencing your emotions.

what do you understand anhedonia to be? how does it differ from depression?

i used to be in depression and be unable to feel anything besides a crippling and subtle fear in the back of my mind for months at a time, unable to laugh/cry, not really leaving my room. but i'd have to make myself do things like go for runs/swimming, meditate (5-10 mins a day if your starting), restrict the time i use the internet to 30 minutes a day, get outside, use the bed for only sleeping, start reading in free time, journalling, writing lists. then feeling like i am doing things throughout the day to further the things i value (e.g. self-development), helps me to feel a sense of accomplishment or fulfilment. it could help to be clear on what your priorities are, who is the person you want to be, what can you do now to help you grow into that person.

sometimes a label like anhedonia can be a positive or negative thing to embrace, if it becomes embedded in your identity, and suddenly thats your expectation for every day, feeling empty and sad, i imagine it to be a self-limiting belief which may not necessarily be true for each moment.

 

[lambda_infinite]

I experienced something like that once, but then I dropped acid and all my problems went away. These days I can take or leave weed because the acid put things into perspective. I'm not saying that acid is a panacea, but when I was like how you describe I needed a spiritual experience. Many people smoke weed because they're seeking a spiritual experience weed can't give you.

 

[Londonscouser]

it could take a while to figure out what things you do regularly that are still holding you back from experiencing your emotions.

what do you understand anhedonia to be? how does it differ from depression?

i used to be in depression and be unable to feel anything besides a crippling and subtle fear in the back of my mind for months at a time, unable to laugh/cry, not really leaving my room. but i'd have to make myself do things like go for runs/swimming, meditate (5-10 mins a day if your starting), restrict the time i use the internet to 30 minutes a day, get outside, use the bed for only sleeping, start reading in free time, journalling, writing lists. then feeling like i am doing things throughout the day to further the things i value (e.g. self-development), helps me to feel a sense of accomplishment or fulfilment. it could help to be clear on what your priorities are, who is the person you want to be, what can you do now to help you grow into that person.

sometimes a label like anhedonia can be a positive or negative thing to embrace, if it becomes embedded in your identity, and suddenly thats your expectation for every day, feeling empty and sad, i imagine it to be a self-limiting belief which may not necessarily be true for each moment.

Anhedonia refers to the inability to experience pleasure. Its not so much that it differs from depression, but it often co-exists with depression, anxiety and psychiatric disorders (mainly schizophrenia) & other potential symptoms such as apathy and lack of motivation.

It can also be biophysically induced via specific substances such as antidepressants, stress and drug abuse.

The actual science behind anhedonia is poorly understood, however it seems that its a biological mechanism the brain uses to 'cope'.

I understand what you're trying to get at with the whole label thing, but for some of us its very true...=[ i've actually suffered from it for at least 3 years, and its actually the reason i quit all drugs. Anyways i wasn't insinuating the creator of this thread suffered from this particular problem

 

[Stargazer]

I thought I was the only one who experience this!! I used to smoke weed pretty regularly, then one night, experienced a panic attack while high. So that was the end of that... Very interesting thread.

I have tried about 3 times w yrs in between to smoke, the last time was 2 days ago, and it was horrible, anxiety, panic. Some of us just can't smoke. Wish I were able to.

 

[crunchyplanets]

I had the same problem, but i think i MAY know why it occurred for me.

I started smoking weed at the age of 16, no problems, i loved it.

So, i started smoking cigarettes at the age of 18. About a year later i started feeling funny here and there. (I smoked everyday, all the time, constantly high)

i realized that i was having panic attacks, only because i had cut down my usage because I didn't have a job and would smoke with family members /friends. I realized that it was the weed because every time i would smoke i would feel like i couldn't breathe, I would get derealization/depersonalization, heart pounding, everything was foggy. I quit and i improved.

I can't smoke weed unless I'm really REALLY drunk. Otherwise i still have panic attacks, and it's been years.


I honestly think it has something to do with me starting to smoke cigarettes, but that's just me.

 

[Maya]

I rarely smoke weed these days but everytime I do it gives me some type of paranoia. I will feel good for an hour and then if I continue smoking paranoia kicks in.

 

[slick_willy]

Thanks for all the replies, glad to hear that you guys have some similar experiences.

Well in this thread, I promise to be honest about my experience to give a true accounting of what this journey will entail. I slipped up a few weeks ago after seeing a friend I have not seen in a while, and I smoked with him. I also smoked for a couple days after that because "fuck it, I can handle this no problem." And what do you know, today I am irritable, anxious, and sensitive to sounds and shit like that... it's totally fucking lame. I hate posting this but I have to be honest about my struggle and my journey, and at this point I see no reason to ever smoke again in my life. I have been here before, and I will start to feel better, and then I will light up because of my arrogance, and it puts me right back to where I am now. I am sorry that I smoked and let this be a reason not to repeat the same mistake next time. Today is my new day 3 of sobriety. I also cut down caffeine and got way serious with my diet and exercise.

Good luck to all you guys. And Londonscouser, I have heard that the anhedonia goes away after 4-6 months so hang in there man. You are ahead of where I am at, just make sure to keep it that way!

 

[Londonscouser]

I totally know what you mean by the 'fuck it, i can handle this no problem'. I have been living like that for a few years, and even thought yeh i could handle it, now i just want a change in my life.
Great that you are reducing caffeine. Personally i used to drink about 2-3 coffee's a day, and always had red bulls ect. Now i only drink green-tea.
Exercise is probably the most important thing to do for people like us who are trying to recover from our negative symptoms.
Also (i haven't tried this yet) but meditation apparently is super good.
Also, fish/krill oil and vitamins such as B (B6,B12), C & E all help to reduce anxiety. Try a cup of green tea, and see how you feel btw ! L-theanine reduced anxiety/irritability, but it could also increase it, however its worth a try

Anyways, well done on 3 days, and make sure you carry it on this time ! no matter how difficult it gets, and believe me there are some days where you will be thinking ahh fuck it, might as well toke up. Keep us updated mate and good luck !

 

[slick_willy]

Thanks for the reply London... here is an update at day 9 of full sobriety

I have felt very good the last two days. The brain fog is always there but is tolerable and I can interact socially through it and be funny and clever at times. Today I felt pretty depressed all day and generally down, and this might be because I did drink a Rock Star energy, but it might just be the natural cycle of my mood... or maybe even stress from school. But, it doesn't matter because my new philosophy is that no matter what anxiety/depression/dp/brain fog I experience, I will not 'wait for it to clear up' before deciding to live my life and have a good time. Part of my smoking weed for so long was fueled by the idea that "I'm still young, I have time to waste and can do all the important shit later." Well I am in my upper 20's now and going to school full-time for math and so it is challenging, so I am done with weed and all the bs that goes along with it (of course, the times we had together were very fun) and now am just trying to get back to normal.

For a little more detail about my symptoms, the brain fog is the most pronounced and unwavering symptom. I have trouble concentrating or reading, and have difficulty remembering things. Often times, people around me speak but I am sort of in my own little bubble and have to consciously make an effort to hear their words and interpret them, whereas before I would be able to simply listen to them while I did something else and chime in now and again... now I can only do one thing at a time and have to concentrate on that almost entirely. The symptoms come and go, and I'm sure that almost no one would notice that I feel so distant, but my emotions feel blunted, like I only experience my emotions at about 20-40% of their previous intensity. I have some times when I can not relate to people at all, and when I talk to people face to face, it feels like I'm staring at a light bulb and want to look away. This sounds like social anxiety except that I do not feel anxious when talking to people and was very social before. I still am at times, but not nearly as much as before and sometimes I am not social at all, to the point of where it's a problem. Growing up I was always very bright and things came easily to me (not the social interaction / social norms part, but I learned that very well on my own) but now everything that used to be easy is now a chore. I took the ease of things for granted and would do these things high, now I'm paying for it with my lack of attention and focus.

I will keep you guys updated but I will keep fighting this battle. Good luck everyone

 

[slick_willy]

I also want to add that things that used to be funny before to me aren't anymore... I have a seriousness which is not characteristic of my personality (I was always the class clown and always made noises and did accents that people used to love) and now I am unable to do that stuff as I did before.

To deal with these symptoms, I take fish oil, Multi vitamin (including b-vitamins), and also diet well and exercise very regularly. Meditation does help, especially on heavy anxiety days, and I've found yoga to help as well. I was prescribed and am currently taking a low dose of an antidepressant (the lowest dose available) and really do not want to have to take it, so I am kicking my weed habit and then will go off the anti depressant after about 6 months of sobriety... to eventually get my brain back to zero.

I know that peoples' personalities change over time, but the way I have changed is different. I am a shell of blunted emotions and faked expressions because I do not feel things as much anymore, but I remember how they used to feel and I react/use expressions that I used to use when I was able to feel things. I hope that over time the feelings will come back and the fog will lift, and I realize it could take some time. I am hoping that after smoking for ten years that I haven't done permanent damage and that in 6-months to a year, I will be back to something resembling my usual self. This new version of me is like 70% of the old me, if that makes sense haha. Again, good luck everyone!

 

[bdomihizayka]

Marijuana induced anxiety AND OCD in me. Same story- everyday smoker from 17-20. Then I had a panic attack whilst high, the first one in my life.

7 years out, my baseline anxiety is elevated, and I have intrusive thoughts (from a thought loop induced by the marijuana that never really went away).

You couldn't pay me enough to inhale that shit ever again.

And oddly enough, psychadelics have been quite kind (bar a few really horrible experiences that still don't come close to trumping Marijuana panic) to me the handful of times I've taken them in the past few years. They don't bug me out like good ole' Mary Jane.


Even a horrendously horrifying LSD trip is preferred over a single puff of a joint. Dead serious.


Quit that stuff for good.

 

[slick_willy]

Wow bdomihizayk.. sorry to hear you had a such a horrible experience with smoking... I definitely loved it until I hated it. Now I feel that it's left me in a daze that I hope will subside. My anxiety and depression (especially the anxiety) seems to be getting better.

I am about day 22 of sobriety and wanted to post an update. I felt pretty good today and yesterday, still foggy and it's still not 100% natural to communicate, but way better than when I first quit. About a week ago I had a bout of really bad depression, thought alot about ending it all (not trying to be dramatic, just being honest) but I am fighting through because I know it will get better and something good is waiting at the other side of all this. I did have a couple beers the other day, but besides that I have been completely sober the whole time. I hope that I will see symptoms improve and be able to post a success story like that of biggiesize.

On the bad days, it feels like I can't get through to anyone. I believe that when you say and do things, you do them with a certain energy that can attract or repel people. For example, if you are ecstatic that you aced a difficult final exam, you might be in such a good mood that you joke with everyone and nothing can bring you down and your happiness is contagious and attracts people to you. When I have bad days, it is like the exact opposite. I try to change my attitude, to be positive and appreciative and productive, but everything I say comes out the wrong way. Jokes fall flat on their face, where it used to be common for me to be on a roll making people bust out laughing and it drew people closer to me. Now, I feel like I lost a lot of these qualities and it is much harder to show the best of myself to people. All that's left is a watered down, fuzzy-headed, awkward version of my former self. This is how I used to feel while I was high, but now I feel it all the time. I am giving myself lots of time to heal up and have improved my diet, sleep, exercise etc in hopes that it will get better. That being said, I am still way better off right now than when I first quit. I will post again in a little while or if anything major changes... and best wishes to you all.

 

[herbavore]

You are doing great! As far as the feelings of self-doubt go--try to understand that these are just thoughts and thoughts can be consciously changed. Reframe your language, especially when you feel you are overthinking your words and actions with others. Self-acceptance is what draws others to you because they instinctively feel at ease with themselves when they perceive that you have that ease within your own self. When people are acting out of self-doubt and insecurity, games get played. The only thing we humans really need from each other is authenticity. Authenticity creates humility and humility creates integrity. You are working hard at creating life changes that will nurture your own growth. Growing pains are just growing pains!

 

[Natural_lee]

Nice post herbavore, makes a lot of sense! I too am going through the same thing as you slick. I once was the life of the party and had a great personality. I started smoking weed and thought that it gave me an even better personality. Until after about a year I started getting super paranoid about government conspiracies and stuff, and then one day after about a 2 week break (longest break before that was probably 2 or 3 days) I smoked again and got waaaay too high and had a pretty bad panic attack. After that things really changed for me, I started getting really nervous around people and never knew how to respond like I was just really confused all the time and had a really hard time recalling words and information. For a while I was terrified to be around anybody even my own family. Well things have gotten better since then and I can be around people I know pretty well, although sometimes i get uncomfortable around strangers. But I still feel like I don't have much of a personality, like I never know what to say. Whenever I do say something it seems like it's forced and it's usually a pretty dull and expected response. I used to be really spontaneous and energetic and enthusiastic in conversations but now it's really hard to come up with things to say. I still have a really hard time recalling words and information, and I still have a weird problem of making eye contact with people, like I'm no longer looking at them to read their expressions, but instead i'm just staring into them idk it's weird. Also I have a really hard time sleeping at night and get really bad anxiety. My mind just runs around in circles with the most random thoughts and then it'll hit me how messed up I am and i'll get a jolt of anxiety. Seems like it goes on all night long and i'm basically always tired. But it's been about 6 months now since I quit smoking everyday and i've only smoked maybe 4 times since when I was drinking. I'm pretty worried i'll always be like this, and honestly I wouldn't want to live anymore if there wasn't hope of returning to normal because it is very depressing.

Anyway thanks for posting this, I'm glad i'm not alone and I hope you start to feel better too mate!

 

[dylan843]

i posted a separate topic about this but i should have searched first i suppose, i know this is 2 months old sorry,

i used to be the jokester could just let anything brush off but within the last few years, particularly after a bad acid trip where i started getting thoughts about how people would be viewing me negatively, people were only out for themselves, thoughts like that, i started like getting upset more about things people said or things i said and would dwell on it after this, years later the serevity of this wasn't there anymore but i was still anxious and upset about things easily and covered it with MJ that wasn't really helping and was making some aspects worse in me.

So i quit about 4 months ago, the first few weeks sucked with the minor withdrawals and really wanting to smoke, then about weeks 2-6 i started feeling good about it like i was making the right descision, and then about after the 6th week up until now, 4 months, i started just being like indifferent, unfocused, way to serious, easily offended, depressed, agitated, tiredness, not really able to feel emotions and this constant lack of feeling is pretty annoying

from here and some research other places, certain parts of the brain get numbed down/overstimulated from MJ use, and these parts of the brain have to get used to functioning without the drug, and from what i see this takes 6-12 months for most people. So lets all just hang in there, only time will make it normal again.

Oh and to lee above, i think when you smoked again those few times when your drinking, and this is just a thought, that it could have started the rewiring process over because it got the feeling it was used to before it fully healed so it said, oh ok lets just go back to this if that makes sense.