Another deep down I think I still love my ex thread

[MrSpeedyG]

I think I've run into a problem. Deep down I would still take my ex back without hesitation, I know I still really do love her. It's been just over a year since I got dumped, we haven't spoken since. I saw her out maybe 3 months ago and she acted like a total stranger to me like I wasn't even there.

I think it may be the reason why I have not felt ANYTHING to any other girl since my ex. What I felt for my ex and still do must be the meaning of true love. But it will never happen again, and I miss her, but it's been a year of denial I am over her with spurts of yes I am deffintily over and while the nightmares are gone, the flashbacks and all that have died down, I still have that spot in my heart for her.

The one thing that can make me remember my ex so vividly, and it makes me feel so euphoric yet sad at the fact they are now memories of us and we are no more, is when I smell the same perfume she wore. It's just crushes me, yet the feelings of love I felt for her and still do is still there and it hits me in the face like a train. I almost felt like I was high on MDMA, literally like a low dose when I was with her.

Any suggestions? Or am I fucked with it and going to continue a weed habit to numb me to this.

 

[severely etarded]

I'm kinda the same way too. idk if that helps though. I guess your first love is hardest to get over. But I don't wanna get back together with my ex. I just wanted to be friends but she was too immature to allow that to happen. Strangers passing on the street, after 5 solid years of partnership. And it fucking pisses me off the cunt has the nerve to message me on FB whenever nobody else wants to talk to her.

 

[95Land]

I was with my last ex for most of HS and then we rehooked up after a 8 year hiatus and were together for the last 2 years.
We really started making each other miserable and I thought the split could be amicable but it was anything but.
I immediately jumped into another relationship. I've never done that in my life. Not that quickly. I just did not want to be alone.
My ex wants to get back together and let's me know on a fairly regular basis.
She guilts me. She has a son who, while he's not mine, became like a son and I miss him and her and feel very guilty, even without her added guilt trip, that I'm not around for them.
I do still love her. I really like my new gf but I can't help but think that in some ways I'm doing her a disservice by not always being fully there emotionally/distracted by thoughts of my "past life."
It's fuckin hard, gents. I feel what both of you are saying. I too have dealt with ex's that when I saw them out and about after we had broke up, they acted like I didn't exist.
That sucked but I'd prefer it to this "please come back" shit.
Ugh. Time. I'm hoping time will fade her strong emotion and mine, strengthen my current relationship and hopefully lead her to finding someone else. I ultimately just want her to be happy.
Hopefully the passage of time will help you guys, too.

 

[pofacedhoe]

hmmm OP i feel for you. first loves are difficult to deal with but you can do it

dont let it get you down

time heals all wounds as does being away from the trigger (your ex)

when i got dumped from my first relationship which was only a month but there was a very strong connection. we were together all the time for a month. anyway i cheated because he wasn't out, was bi 26 and wanted kids and i was 18 so it would never have worked. anyway i did the thing where you treat them bad until they break up with you and boy did i feel shit.

but in time it got better

 

[Lysis]

I do believe that true love never dies. If you really love someone and there is a connection then it will always be there even if you break up and get back together when things are better.

Problem is that there has to be a real connection and sometimes love isn't reciprocated. That's when it hurts like hell. That's when it won't happen.

I've been in your shoes too op and I realized later (a while later) that I didn't really love him. The weird part about it is he *did* come back 2 years later and I was able to think with a clear head. My thoughts were that if he loved me he wouldn't have needed time to see other people or go away for so long. I figured if he loved me he would have at least talked to me and also how stupid would I feel if I let him do the same thing to me. After i knew he was capable of disappearing. So we did hang out for about a month and I stood him up twice and he stormed off. Weird how much I wanted him to call and when he did I didn't care anymore.

 

[Lustmord]

And how would you ever trust that person again, after they've ripped out your heart and wolfed it down?

 

[llama112]

Once you're finally able to get over your ex, you will find someone BETTER for you than her. Trust me. But that won't happen until you get over your ex.

 

[MrSpeedyG]

Thanks for the replies everyone !

I'm kinda the same way too. idk if that helps though. I guess your first love is hardest to get over. But I don't wanna get back together with my ex. I just wanted to be friends but she was too immature to allow that to happen. Strangers passing on the street, after 5 solid years of partnership. And it fucking pisses me off the cunt has the nerve to message me on FB whenever nobody else wants to talk to her.

Yeah it's not the first time I have heard your first true love is the hardest to get over and you may always have that place in your heart for them. Damn that sucks for you though, that feeling of them seeing you as a complete stranger is shit.

I was with my last ex for most of HS and then we rehooked up after a 8 year hiatus and were together for the last 2 years.
We really started making each other miserable and I thought the split could be amicable but it was anything but.
I immediately jumped into another relationship. I've never done that in my life. Not that quickly. I just did not want to be alone.
My ex wants to get back together and let's me know on a fairly regular basis.
She guilts me. She has a son who, while he's not mine, became like a son and I miss him and her and feel very guilty, even without her added guilt trip, that I'm not around for them.
I do still love her. I really like my new gf but I can't help but think that in some ways I'm doing her a disservice by not always being fully there emotionally/distracted by thoughts of my "past life."
It's fuckin hard, gents. I feel what both of you are saying. I too have dealt with ex's that when I saw them out and about after we had broke up, they acted like I didn't exist.
That sucked but I'd prefer it to this "please come back" shit.
Ugh. Time. I'm hoping time will fade her strong emotion and mine, strengthen my current relationship and hopefully lead her to finding someone else. I ultimately just want her to be happy.
Hopefully the passage of time will help you guys, too.

Tried jumping into a different relationship to get over her, but I haven't felt anything for anyone since that and the first girl after her I just wished it was my ex. It's fucked! Your right though, time does heal a lot.

I do believe that true love never dies. If you really love someone and there is a connection then it will always be there even if you break up and get back together when things are better.

Problem is that there has to be a real connection and sometimes love isn't reciprocated. That's when it hurts like hell. That's when it won't happen.

I've been in your shoes too op and I realized later (a while later) that I didn't really love him. The weird part about it is he *did* come back 2 years later and I was able to think with a clear head. My thoughts were that if he loved me he wouldn't have needed time to see other people or go away for so long. I figured if he loved me he would have at least talked to me and also how stupid would I feel if I let him do the same thing to me. After i knew he was capable of disappearing. So we did hang out for about a month and I stood him up twice and he stormed off. Weird how much I wanted him to call and when he did I didn't care anymore.

Yeah maybe it's that the true deep down love won't die and always be part of you, but as time goes on you know it's there and accept it and it's not a problem. But I truly love her, but she obviously doesn't so it won't ever work...unless we end up together in a few years time and she has sorted her shit out. Love needs reciprocation yes too true.

I'm interested to see how I feel in 6 months time or so... I have no desire to get into a relationship after this whole year of seemingly wanting one, it's time for me to give more focus to my love that never let me down since I started it 3 years ago, getting fucking staunch ahaha.

And how would you ever trust that person again, after they've ripped out your heart and wolfed it down?

That is a great way for me to look at it, I do say that after sitting back going through memories of me and my ex together and picturing scenarios where we see each other out somewhere and she just comes up and hugs me... then I realise sometimes why would I want to be with her after she messed with me. But then il be thinking about her in a few days again and forget that, repeat.

Once you're finally able to get over your ex, you will find someone BETTER for you than her. Trust me. But that won't happen until you get over your ex.

The thing is though, I'm not over my ex really and realised I am not interested in finding anyone better or amazing, but don't get me wrong if a girl comes my way and sweeps me off my feet and I do have feelings I can't help then I'm deffintly go into it but I am not actually seeking it per se. I'm not fussed in staying single and just having fun until I am truly over me ex anyway, but I know if she came back I would take her back. But that won't happen.

 

[Pagey]

How long were you guys together? A year isn't that long when it comes to getting over a serious relationship, unfortunately, but that absolutely doesn't mean you should give up.
I think you're absolutely right not to focus on getting into another relationship now - frankly not much good can come out of that if you're still hung up on your ex. You need to focus on yourself until you're ready to be committed to someone else, however you may want to do that - choose hobbies, focus on classes/work, improve your social life, go to the gym, whatever helps you. I think improving self-confidence is always key to getting over a break-up and working on that will definitely help you get down the right path. Best of luck.

 

[severely etarded]

How long were you guys together? A year isn't that long when it comes to getting over a serious relationship, unfortunately, but that absolutely doesn't mean you should give up.
I think you're absolutely right not to focus on getting into another relationship now - frankly not much good can come out of that if you're still hung up on your ex. You need to focus on yourself until you're ready to be committed to someone else, however you may want to do that - choose hobbies, focus on classes/work, improve your social life, go to the gym, whatever helps you. I think improving self-confidence is always key to getting over a break-up and working on that will definitely help you get down the right path. Best of luck.

qft... Spot on advice imo.

 

[TangerinO]

anyway i did the thing where you treat them bad until they break up with you and boy did i feel shit.

I just copped this from my High School Sweetheart, together six years in total, copped that shit for like 6 - 8 months at the end and somehow was still convinced it was all my fault until quite recently.

We broke up once, and I got back together with her OP. I was feeling much the way you are now but I can pretty safely tell you it was one of the biggest mistake of my life. I mean I learned a lot but at the price of the self esteem and new life that I had developed for myself, without her. Everything that had symbolised one more step towards moving on completely, and now you're back at the beginning of the race and twice as deep as before.

Just think really long and hard on the idea of bringing that person back into your life, and then having them potentially tear down what ever you've built independently outside of them since the break up. Seriously think about it. I didn't, and I should have.

 

[walkplanknow]

We all been into that kind of situation but most of the time its better to be separated than constantly fighting or what not. Move on, life move forwards.

 

[black53]

With ex? No, we're not even on speaking terms (her choice, I'd be fine with being casual friends since that's what we were before).

With friend I've known for 10+ years? Yes. How's that for fucked up? And no, I'm not going to cut her out of my life, since she's a good friend and has always helped me when I needed it.

 

[MrSpeedyG]

How long were you guys together? A year isn't that long when it comes to getting over a serious relationship, unfortunately, but that absolutely doesn't mean you should give up.
I think you're absolutely right not to focus on getting into another relationship now - frankly not much good can come out of that if you're still hung up on your ex. You need to focus on yourself until you're ready to be committed to someone else, however you may want to do that - choose hobbies, focus on classes/work, improve your social life, go to the gym, whatever helps you. I think improving self-confidence is always key to getting over a break-up and working on that will definitely help you get down the right path. Best of luck.

I think just the fact that I have stopped being in denial and am now accepting, yeah she will probably always have a place in my heart and just get over it. I don't ever make contact with her and be obsessive. I don't obsess over her, rather I know she still has her place in my heart even though she doesn't deserve it. But yes, focussing on me and what I enjoy in life is what I plan, making me a better person. Life goes on!

I just copped this from my High School Sweetheart, together six years in total, copped that shit for like 6 - 8 months at the end and somehow was still convinced it was all my fault until quite recently.

We broke up once, and I got back together with her OP. I was feeling much the way you are now but I can pretty safely tell you it was one of the biggest mistake of my life. I mean I learned a lot but at the price of the self esteem and new life that I had developed for myself, without her. Everything that had symbolised one more step towards moving on completely, and now you're back at the beginning of the race and twice as deep as before.

Just think really long and hard on the idea of bringing that person back into your life, and then having them potentially tear down what ever you've built independently outside of them since the break up. Seriously think about it. I didn't, and I should have.

Thinkign from a logical point of view, it would probably be a massive mistake to get back with my ex even if it was possible. I've come so far since her. I guess its lucky that it will never happen, but if it does ever which I highly, highly doubt it then I'll just have to cut off contact with her.

 

[Pagey]

I think just the fact that I have stopped being in denial and am now accepting, yeah she will probably always have a place in my heart and just get over it.

Yeah, that's a good way to look at it. Even if it still might seem a bit insurmountable now, it's good to sometimes look back on how you felt immediately after the breakup and notice the progress you've made since, even if it might feel like you've still got a long way to go. Life goes on indeed!

 

[MrSpeedyG]

Yeah, that's a good way to look at it. Even if it still might seem a bit insurmountable now, it's good to sometimes look back on how you felt immediately after the breakup and notice the progress you've made since, even if it might feel like you've still got a long way to go. Life goes on indeed!

I've come out of the denial of it and accepted it for like 2 weeks now and already I feel so much better, I don't feel like I have a piece of me missing. I'm not phased by it that she will probably always have a place in my heart, but it will merely be a reminder of how I loved her and what it felt like and to remember the memories, but that's all they will be a memory and I'm cool with that I mean after all memories is all we have eventually, it's certainly put me through a lot of hurt but that love I felt was absolutely fire and knew it was true love.

In all honesty, thinking about the two of us together and all the memories, I can actually look back now and go yeah I do miss her and I remember that time we did that together, and be happy and cherish the memory and not feel down that it's all over and she is gone to me. I think that is the true meaning of feeling happy, not look bad at the memories of good times in life and be sad, be happy and cherish the feelings that the memories bring back.

 

[Corazon]

If she was the one who dumped you, the chances are that she would have come back if she was interested.

Try to channel what you are feeling into self improvement. (important: Not with the goal of getting her back, but with the goal of meeting someone new)