And As Things Fell Apart, Nobody Paid Much Attention (My encounter w/ Teen Pregnancy)

[CKMorpheus]

Blast from the past. And in 10 minutes, my entire life changed.
My ex-girlfriend. From before Sarah. And before Amanda. And before Ashley. Before the summer. There was Sara.
Big time in love, all that stuff. We never have sex, we're too young. But we were always perfect. She was a year younger than me and a few months, but it didn't matter. When she moved when the summer started, we never actually broke up, but we knew it was kind of over. We talked sometimes during the summer. But she was kind of distant. Oh well, I guess it was just because she was too busy.
I wish I still assumed that was true.

Her: meow..
CKMorpheus: Hey you
Her: i have to stop smoking weed........sigh
CKMorpheus: :-\
Her: im pregnant
CKMorpheus: umm
CKMorpheus: what?
Her: lol, my response was more like
WHAT THE ****?!?!?!
CKMorpheus:
CKMorpheus: I thought you quit smoking weed like a year ago? You're still a virgin, least I remember.
Her: im not a virgin,lol, and weed has been my nipple for a while now
Her: i did stop, but i started back
CKMorpheus: Umm... Either this isn't Sara, or Sara is high right now.
Her: neither
CKMorpheus: WTF? I'm tired and you're hurting my head.
CKMorpheus: Could you like, explain and help me not be confused?
Her signed off at 11:26:37 PM.
Her signed on at 11:27:44 PM.
CKMorpheus: Sara, Wtf?
Her: ask me questions
CKMorpheus: What the hells wrong with you right now?
Her: nothin
CKMorpheus: Why you acting all weird?
Her: heh.. im not
CKMorpheus: Yes, you are
CKMorpheus: Will you tell me what's going on? I won't be able to sleep untilI know what's going on.
Her: what do you mean?
Her: ive had sex, im pregnant
CKMorpheus: What? Wtf? When did this happen? You're not serious, are you?
Her: totally serious
CKMorpheus: WTF?
Her: im serious
CKMorpheus: If this is a joke, I'm not laughing
Her: its not a joke
CKMorpheus: wtf?
CKMorpheus: How'd this happen? when? wtf is going on?
Her: well.. when a girl a guy get horny,lol
Her: about a month ago
Her: and alot it
Her: is*
CKMorpheus: Is this even Sara?
Her: yes, jawbreaker
CKMorpheus: Are you stoned?
Her: heh,no.. when im stoned i cant type
Her: and i told you, i cant do that anymore
CKMorpheus: Sara, I'm not talking to you until you get serious
Her: how can i prove that im totally serious?
CKMorpheus: If you are serious, WTF?!!? You're 13 years old!!!! I thought you were smarter than that!!!!
Her: well.. yeah
CKMorpheus: oh god, I think I'm gonna be sick. WTF HAPPEND?!
Her: just happened..
CKMorpheus: what the **** do you mean, "just happened"?!?
Her: you want details?
CKMorpheus: No, I want answers. How could you do something like this? And you're acting like it's no big deal? WTF is wrong with you?!
Her: it happened, and ive had my time to freak out, and im over it
Her: i cant freak out for 9 months
CKMorpheus: You'RE 13!!!!
Her: im aware
CKMorpheus: And you decide to tell me this now?!
Her: I just found out a few weeks ago
CKMorpheus: WTF happened to you? This whole summer you changed into a junkie and you're pregnant?!
Her: im not a junkie
Her: this summer i have changed i guess,but since i first tried weed ive loved it
Her: and yeah,im pregnant
CKMorpheus: WTF happened to you? You used to be so different.
CKMorpheus: Oh god I feel like I'm going to be sick
Her: i used to be really fake..
CKMorpheus: You've tunred into everything I've always hated in a girl.
Her: im sorry..
Her: im happy,actually.. i freaked but now i want it
CKMorpheus: WTF? WTF?!!?!
Her: my fiance is 18, and hes really serious about me.. we've been talking for a while and we looked at apartments a few days ago
CKMorpheus: Your FIANCE?!!?!
CKMorpheus: Oh now I've heard everything
Her: my best friends parents are taking me to the hospital for check-ups, and in my second month im going to tell my parents
Her: the baby will be born in july, and ill be out of school for my last two months
CKMorpheus: You're making me sick
Her: well...sorry
CKMorpheus: WTF happend to you? wtf?
Her: um.. i dont know,lol,do you expect me to say a fairy came down and tapped her wand?
CKMorpheus: You used to be SO different. You used to be smart
Her: i still am smart
CKMorpheus: Obviosuly not
Her: In June I'm taking a month of college
Her: and im registering to skip into my sophmore year
CKMorpheus: You're 13, having sex with an 18 year old, PREGNANT, addicted to weed...
CKMorpheus: I think you're pretty damn stupid right now
Her: im actually not addicted to weed,its pretty hard to do that
CKMorpheus: So many questions. Jesus wtf? I don't know what to say. You make me sick. This just makes me sick.
Her: im sorry, andy
CKMorpheus: I mean, did you even wear a condom?!
Her: no
Her: we decided we wanted it before
CKMorpheus: WTF?! And with an 18 year old?!
CKMorpheus: Are you out of your ****ing mind?!
Her: maybe..but im happy
CKMorpheus: This is just sick. This is sick. WTF HAPPENED?!
Her: it just happened
CKMorpheus: ARE YOU EVEN THINKING?! YOU KNOW THIS IS GOING TO CHANGE YOUR ENTIRE LIFE?! YOUR PARENTS ARE GOING TO DISOWN YOU.
CKMorpheus: 13.
Her: im thinking of how happy I should be, and how happy I am
Her: yes, and for the better
Her: and my parents will support it
CKMorpheus: You are insane. You are just sick, Sara.
Her: *shrug* im glad I have your blessing?
CKMorpheus: I'm sorry. I have to block you for a while. I need to get things through my head.
Her: thats fine..
Her signed off at 11:53:58 PM.

I sent her an e-mail today.

Sara,
Since you've told me what you've told me, I've been in a state of melancholy. I don't know what bothers me more. The age difference, the drugs, the fact that you're PREGNANT. Maybe all of them. I'm not sure.
The passions that drive us should be the ones we respect and admire. To feel contempt for ones own motivations is a vulgar thing.
Too often, it seems, I've succumbed to less than admirable compulsions driven by this reprehensible machine of mine.
So many things inside that I can do without. Desires and urges and whatnot. So extraneous.
And now, it seems you've fallen to the compulsions of your machine.
Whether you feel contempt for it is still in the air. You say you're happy, but I don't believe it. If you decide to do it, I won't support you. I won't give you my blessings. I can't. It goes against everything I believe in. All my morals.
I'm e-mailing this to you because I can't handle talking to you. I think about this whole thing and I cry. I cried myself to sleep last night. Just thinking about what you did and how much you've changed for the extreme worst. And I realized...
Sometimes... You can cry until there's nothing wet in you. You can curse and scream to where your throat rebels and ruptures. You can pray, all you want, to whatever god you think will listen.
And still... It makes NO difference.
It goes on, with no sign as to when it might release you.
And you know that if it ever did relent... It would not be because it cared.
So I have to not think about it.
I CAN'T think about it. I WON'T.
But I can't help it.
I loved you. I cared for you. I was there for you. And I was positive you would turn out all right.
But you DIDN'T.
You're 13. 13!!!
You shouldn't be having sex. You shouldn't be pregnant. You shouldn't be doing acid. You shouldn't be doing weed.
This is wrong. It's immoral. It's illegal. It shouldn't be this way. NO.
Are you prepared for this? The midnight feedings? The earaches? The illness? The BABY?! Hell, I have a baby sister and I still feel the pressure. It's a total pain in the ass to watch her for 20 minutes sometimes. You have NO clue what you're getting into.
And if you think your "Boyfriend" is planning to stick with you, you can forget it. Statutory Rape? Ever hear of that?
And think about the kids childhood. It's going to be hell.
You have ****ed up your life, and I won't have any part of it. You make me sick. I can't believe you'd ever do this. You have becomes one of the most terrible persons I know. You don't have my blessings. You don't have my support.
Andrew

Yes I know some of it is from JTHM, so shoot me, I needed to express my feelings somehow.

She came online and I told her to check her e-mail. Then she e-mailed me back.

Andrew,
I am happy. Richie and I are both happy. It's very judgemental for you to make such harsh accusations so early. But, I respect your decisions and will take you off my buddy list. Unlike most people, another person that hates me really doesn't hurt, nor help.
*Kitten*

And now the short convo I had with her.

CKMorpheus: check your e-mail
CKMorpheus: Are you aware of what's going to happen? You're "boyfriend" is going to go to jail, are you aware?
HER: only if my parents press charges
HER: which they wont
CKMorpheus: How could you do this? Why did you do this? Are you aware of the pains of caring for another life?
HER: im sick of hearing it, andy
HER: you seriously dont think ive thought of this
CKMorpheus: I just need to understand.
CKMorpheus: Why?
HER: AND, its all done now, even if your preaching gave me this great miracle and i was good again, im still pregnant
CKMorpheus: I'm aware. But I still want to know why? Why do you feel the need to ruin your life?
HER: its not ruining my life
CKMorpheus: Oh, trust me. 13 and pregnant... This is going to destroy any life you will ever have.
HER: maybe
HER: but, i guess ill have to see..goodbye
CKMorpheus: But stop evading the question
CKMorpheus: Why?
HER: IT JUST ****ING HAPPENED
HER: I DONT KNOW HOW TO ANSWER YOU!!
HER: if i disgust you so much stop talking to me
CKMorpheus: Because I need to get a sense of closure
HER: get it on your own
CKMorpheus: Otherwise this is going to bother me for a long time
HER: im through
CKMorpheus: This is sick. And if you think that you're life is getting better. It's not. It's only going to get worse.
HER signed off at 4:02:45 PM.

This is just totally ****ed up.
I just have this feeling when I see something like this happen, I don't like seeing peoples lives fall apart. It totally depresses me. And to have this hit so damn close, it's tearing me apart.

------------------
Hope is just another phase you grow out of.

 

[melissa32]

Obviously you still have feelings for this girl, but you better find a way to put them away now.
I doubt she is doing herself any good having a baby now, I agree that this guy is not going to stay around...
There is not a Goddamn thing you can do about it.
She has made choices for herself and the child that she will shortly bring into this world and those are her choices, she doesn't need you telling her that she is wrong, sick or anything else. It won't help anything now, the deed is done. It is up to her, the father and her parents to handle things now. You should take her off the IM, change your number and let her live the life she has set before her.
Let it go and go on.

 

[Thelazer]

What melissa32 said.
Let it go, and move on.. block her AOL Screen name and never Email her again.. or your going to end up being the daddy.... and you DO NOT need that being only 18 years old.
Jay
------------------
"The youth of america, blissed out on E and ready to fuck!"
"Do you have stairs in your house? please go by the stairs we must protect you by pushing you down the stairs.. we are here..to... protect you"
"Roads, where we're going we don't need any roads."
"fuck morals, it's all about getting off"

 

[CKMorpheus]

Thelazer,
I'm not the father, and I'm not 18. I'm 15.
------------------
Hope is just another phase you grow out of.

 

[EastCoastGirl]

You should back off. Its not your responsibilty to take care of this girl. She was your girlfriend from a while ago. I think you are just really wrapped up in the drama of all this right now. All you succeeded in doing is pushing your friend away. Your not the father, so your life is not over, why are you acting like it is? Your only 15, there is a lot more to come.

 

[CKMorpheus]

I know it's not my responsibility, but I have a character flaw where if one of my friends is in pain or they are hurting themelves, I end up abosrbing their problems and it gets me all depressed. I wish I couldn't worry about her.
------------------
Hope is just another phase you grow out of.

 

[Psykosiz]

u think you're making anything any better by acting like a dickwad? she's made a mistake, we all do to different extents.. we have to make the best of our situations. you saying repeatidly, how she makes you sick and how you wont support her will not make things easier for her and makes you a shit friend.
but ur only 15, you clearly dont know how to act.
yes, i know she has got herself into a mess. 13, pregnant, drug user, not telling her parents.. i think being her ex-bf has made this complicated for u.
we all know she has her whole life ahead of her and that shes at a bad age to making life decisions... but real friends stand by each other.

 

[CKMorpheus]

I didn't mean to act like a dick, and I regret I did. But I was kind of in a state of shock in that time.
------------------
Hope is just another phase you grow out of.

 

[EastCoastGirl]

Sure you can worry about her, but who do you really think you are to tell her how to run her life? Being concerned about your friends and taking action when you see them fucking up their life is one thing. Telling them they make you sick and that they are stupid when make a decision you don't like is quite another.

 

[fizzygirl]

When I was 15, my best friend decided that she wanted to have a baby. For some reason, no one in her family felt that this was a bad idea. Every guy that she dated she just "knew" that she wanted to marry. Finally she found one that agreed, she got pregnant, and got married. She quit school the day she turned 16. When I talked to her family about this, they said "well, she wasn't doing good anyway". I couldn't fathom how she thought she would be happy or get by. She's had rough years, but she is still married, with two children and a margial job--but it was her choices.
I never understood, I still don't. I think some things stem from her relationship with her family, but who knows? We worry about our friends when we think that they are making decisions that will hurt them. We want the best for them. You obviously cared about this girl to become so upset. In the case of your friend, however, many of these decisions have already been put into motion. The baby is already going to happen...there's no point in beating her down about it. It may be a good idea to calmly try to talk with her about some of her other ideas (marriage, etc). For her to marry or live with this guy, she would pretty much have to have parental permission i think. Your outrage is somewhat justified...but know that however rational and competent she feels about all this right now, she will be scared at some point and will need support.
a spoonful of sugar...

 

[CKMorpheus]

I've had some time to calm down about this, and I sent her this e-mail...

Sara,
I'm sorry for snapping at you before. It's just... there are so many things that are about to happen. What you've done is going to set so many things is motion that you haven't even contemplated.
I just don't understand what was going through your head that made you want a baby at 13. I mean, you're still a child yourself. I just don't understand how you could have done all this stuff. Pot, acid, and whatever else. You've had sex, okay, I understand. But do you understand the consequences of your actions? If you were a parent (which you obviously will be), could you ever think of your child doing the things you've done. Would you want your kid to do acid? Do pot? Have sex when he/she is only 13 years old? Would you want it to take care of a baby at 13 years old?
I'm sure you've thought of these things. But I'm just trying to get this all through my head. Everytime I think about it, I just hear the same thing. 13 years old, baby, 18 years old, baby, she's 13, only 13. I mean, why would you want to have a baby? I understand you don't believe in abortion, but think about what you're going to do to the kid. This kid is going to have a terrible life.
And why do you think your parents aren't going to snap? Or press charges? If you really belive that, why do you want to wait until the second month of your pregnancy? I try to picture my baby sister in a few years, doing acid and pot and having sex unprotected, and I can't even contemplate it. I can't even picture it.
You're 13. God damnit, 13. KIDS SHOULDN'T HAVE KIDS!
You can't move out. You're still under your parents responsibility. I'm not trying to run your life, I'm just feeding on my emotions.
Were you stoned when you did it? Why did you do it? And don't say, "It just happened" because you said you were planning this before you even did it.
What were you thinking?
Why?
Just, why?
These are the questions that are going to keep me up at night.
Please IM me or e-mail me back.
Andrew

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Hope is just another phase you grow out of.

 

[Psykosiz]

chances are her baby will be brought up by HER parents and raised unaware of the fact her older sister is her real mother... i saw it on jerry springer!

 

[Famine]

Ummm, a few things
She obviously fucked up big time, with both the drugs and getting pregnant. At such a young age, she or her "boyfriend" have no idea whatsoever about the real world and their responsibilities
One thing though, theres no point ranting to her about being pregnant, that really doesn't help, whats done is done

 

[pinger]

Leave it alone.
She's fucked up. Don't continue to press her to answer your questions so that you can justify your anger at her.
Let it go, and worry about living your own life.

 

[CKMorpheus]

So I called her up... It was awkward at first... Just talking a little bit. There was a lot of talking, some tears, there was understanding... But I've gotten my closure. I now understand, that what's done is done... and the only I can do is just listen and talk to her.
They say you never forget your first love... And I didn't want this to be my last memory of her. But it is... and I can accept that now.
I'm very content now. I've talked with her, and she seems okay right now. I'll talk to her occasioanlly, to see how things are going, but we've come to a point where we are content.
There's nothing I can do or say that can change what has been done.
There are things that really sadden me...
The fact that she only met this guy a month before halloween.
The fact that she's 13.
There are many things said that I cannot repeat here. Many things that I don't want to hear again.
But in the end, I learned a lot. I can't really say much more, but I can say that what I just experienced really helped me apprieciate stuff more. I apprcieate life more right now. Because life is fragile... And people change, not always for the better. But it's that persons descision, and I might not be happy with it, but as long as they are, everything is alright.
And I know that didn't make any sense.. I'm kind of feeling light right now. All this closure is getting to my head

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Hope is just another phase you grow out of.

 

[FallingAngel]

Oh man o man...she really got herself into a nutshell here...First of all, drugs. I have no problem with people doing them recreationally, i mean, they enhance the feelings that we have, and while they can be harmful if abused, every once and a while, i think that it is alright. Second, sex. Okay, just imagine a 13 year old having sex. With an 18 year old. EWWWWW! Then add the fact that she is having UNPROTECTED sex. Damn... can you say statutory rape? And if she HASN'T told her parents, how is she so sure that her parents are going to be soo happy for her and give them their blessing and shit...i don't know abut you, but if that happened to me i would be in so much shit that i would never be able to get out. and who's to say that the father is going to stay around. sure he might like the IDEA of a baby, but when he finds out what it;s really about...he's gonna want to get out of there. if her parents decide to turn him in, his life will be fucked too. Wherever he goes, he will be a sex offender. Then ask her...how do you like the idea of being a 26 year old GRANDMOTHER??? sounds fun right??? i think not...

 

[munki]

Wow...this is a tough one. The only thing you can do though is try to support her...even though you said you wouldn't. She definately sounds messed up in the head and doesn't have much inclining on reality. (calling someone she met only about a month ago her "fiance", actually wanting to have a baby before she had sex; what happened to her parents edumacating her??)
You should really push for her to put up the baby for adoption if she refuses to get an abortion. She is incapable of taking care of herself, let alone a child. Getting knocked up at 13 is incredibly irresponsible! Have you tried talking to her parents at all? Maybe you should talk to a school counselor to see if they will talk to her. She obviously isn't thinking rationally so she needs some outside "Adult" advice.

 

[CKMorpheus]

A little more information... Since she was one of the top students in her school, she was able to go on a 2 month trip to Europe with many other inteilligent students. This was about a month before she moved. What I learned from one of her friends has made me forget all about what I thought I knew.
I sent her this letter.

THE LEAST YOU COULD HAVE DONE WOULD TO TELL ME THE TRUTH AND NOT LIE TO ME!
HER: i did NOT have any boyfriend on the trip
HER: shes a lying piece of shit,andrew
HER: if anything im being as honest to you now as i have ever been
What a goddamn joke. Tess told me everything you couldn't.
That you really DID have 3 boyfriends. That football guy, ME, and some GUY IN THE MILITARY?! When she told me that, I knew I never loved YOU. I loved some random person that wasn't real.
I'm sick and tired of these fucking mind games.
I'm not sorry for what I'm writing now.
You fucked with MY HEAD. Made ME feel like I was the bad guy because of the things I said to you on Halloween night.
I never once lied to you, cheated on you, or held anything back on you. And I feel now that I have been betrayed, and beaten with a lead pole.
FUCK IT.
I have no reason to care for YOU. I never cared for YOU. I cared for a lie.
You better come clean RIGHT NOW or I might do something I won't have to regret.

She's cheated on me... done drugs behind my back... everything...
I don't care about her anymore. FUCK HER. FUCK WHAT HAPPENS TO HER. I JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE. I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY AT HER, I MIGHT JUST CALL HER PARENTS AND TELL THEM IN SPITE.
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Hope is just another phase you grow out of.

 

[TheTruth]

Well, telling her parents may not be such a bad idea. Sorry to hear about the shit you've been going through, but I'm sure you'll get over it with time and make your peace with the situation.
Good luck.

 

[JB]

One question, where do you get off on paradeing other people dirty laundry. This is not your problem, all you are doing is being selfish because she is an ex and you still have feelings for her. Now she is pregnant you feel it's put a close on anything between you and her hence you being pissed off. Is it not bad enough for her without you pileing more worrys on her. Yes 13 is young but having the baby is the only responsable thing to do, prehapse when your a father (or just a little older and wiser) you will see what an ass you are telling her to get an abortion. I'm not anti abortion but would never consider killing my child (imagine that fetus is you), if and when it happens I will know it was meant to happen and I will love it. If my partner decide to have an abortion I would support her through it but wouldn't be able to love her any more. Anyway sorry about getting into an abortion rant but bassicaly fix up your life mate, get your personality straightend out and then worry about the girl.