Mental Health An SSRI/Dep./GAD/SAD succsess story (sort of)

[ib_PYRO]

I don't think this really belongs in trip reports, so here is the beginning of my story with psychiatry. It seems unusual in how effective the SSRI + lifestyle change was. Seems most ppl get modest benefits at best with SSRIs. Of course I later set my progress way back when I got cocky with Rx adderall and booze, but here it is:

My experience with Lexapro seems abnormal in the respect that it is surprisingly effective for me, especially the first time around. I really expected them to not work at all. That might be b/c I made lifestyle changes before deciding I need meds and continuing them while on meds.

I was quite and awkward in high school, but I had friends. Sometime around senior year I decided I'm going to change my lifestyle, eat healthy, exercise, go away to Uni, build new social circle, be involved in life - and then, after a semester, if I'm still not happy to try meds. This did help. I had built enough confidence and social skills and joined a fraternity of great guys my first semester. This got me very involved. However, despite my progress I still had anxiety and depression (didn't even know how bad it was until I started Lexapro). So, second semester I went to psychiatrist and got 20 mg Lexapro, the newest, most expensive brand name AD at the time (I was pretty sure this is what I'd be given before from my research). Also got a beta blocker for presentations to reduce visible symptoms of anxiety. It was like I discovered a new world. I found out I was funny and could make ppl laugh. I could give great presentations. I became a leader and influential member of my fraternity. I worked hard and played hard. I got off like a yr later, withdrawals were horrible, depression came back although I retained the social skills and outgoing personality. Before I make this sound like an advertisement, I got back on it and long story short it would have probably worked again in combo with prn benzos but adderall and alcohol abuse completely fucked me up. I didn't really need the adderall at the time but I was very busy and the Rx was practically offered to me. Years later I am still recovering from the damage.

 

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Hey ib_PYRO, welcome to Bluelight.

Is there anything that we can help you with? Did you try any other medications before Lexapro? Did you get any bad side effects from the Lex?

Please share more :D

 

[ib_PYRO]

Hey ib_PYRO, welcome to Bluelight.

Is there anything that we can help you with? Did you try any other medications before Lexapro? Did you get any bad side effects from the Lex?

Please share more :D

I actually had an account here back in like '05 but thanks for the welcome. No, Lexapro was my first psychiatric medication. I only tried it after very significant lifestyle changes were not enough to help me to my satisfaction. No significant side effects after the first two weeks, even then I only had mild stomach discomfort. Of course they drastically reduce the effects of psychedelics and MDMA but that isn't that important. I'm not really looking for advice just wanted to share because I've read so many negative reports regarding SSRI's. What really set me back later on was abusing adderall and binge drinking. I didn't set out to get on Rx stimulants but I was at a busy point in my life and was offered them without me really trying to get them. I don't believe I had significant ADD at that point, but after prolonged use of high doses, then stopping for 2 years I feel that they have altered my brain to need low-mod doses.

The benzos were never a problem for me, I used them prn for a couple years, sometimes taking weeks off with no withdrawal. For some reason the doc kept upping my Rx without me asking, up too 6 mg kpin/day. I found myself going months without filling my script but for someone who finds that they like being benzo'd out into oblivion that would be a srs problem. I simply do not find them "moorish" after I have taken enough to alleviate anxiety. Unfortunately a doctor convinced me to take 3 mg daily (I believe that he thought I might already be physically dependent due to long half life and was trying to cover his ass in case I was and had a withdrawal seizure or something). Being in a weak state of mind I listened. I'm Rx'd 1.5 mg now but have gotten down to .5 mg daily and use the others prn. This is the way I intend to keep it for the foreseeable future. Now I have been physically dependent for about two years. Going less than .5mg/day is where the withdrawal really starts for me.

My three big pieces of advice here are if you are Rx'd something then you should definitely use it only for medical purposes, SSRI's are worth consideration if you have depression/anxiety, and if a doctor advises you to take a drug with the kind of physical dependence benzos can produce, get other opinions and think about it carefully before taking the plunge.

I have changed my mindset about recreational drugs and am now on lex, trazodone, and about to start a low dose of vyvanse. I have quit drinking completely (go to AA meetings) and also have changed my mindset about stims/other hedonistic drugs; I use them to get high or to get that laser focus or work all night. Only use doses that allow me to function "normally". I've never been a fan of pot and only use kava/kratom to catch a buzz, and maybe psychedelics a couple times a year. I hope maybe someone can benefit from what I am sharing, unfortunately I was fully aware of the risks too but thought I was too smart to have significant drug related problems.

Have also been Rx'd ativan, wellbutrin, effexor, abilify for short periods and lamictal for a while but I don't believe it effected me much (positively or negatively).

Feel free to ask me questions if you find you can relate to this experience.

 

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^ So the Lexapro helps you with anxiety too?

I suffer from severe anxiety and am dependent on Xanax. I was doing real good for a while with a taper but now I'm back to what I was using before- which is 6-8mg/day. I fear anxiety. I'm taking a VERY low dose of effexor (37.5mg) but it's still not helping the anxiety much, and I'm still using the Xanax.

I'm very leery about taking new medications, especially psych meds. I always think they'll "make me go crazy". But fuck if someone can benefit from Lexapro I may as well try it too... It's the side effects that scare me.

 

[ib_PYRO]

Yes, Lexapro helps with anxiety for me. When I first started taking it, it changed my personality somewhat for the better. I was more excited about things I enjoy and more outgoing. Some people report the opposite, that they feel more dulled down and zombie-like. Its important to remember I was also actively making lifestyle changes as well, exercise included. Effexor, an SNRI, helps some ppl with anxiety better than SSRIs, but for others it can make it worse, especially when they reach a dose at which the NRI effects kick in (ppl usually say around 150 mg, but for me I think those effects started to increase my anxiety at a lower dose). I tried wellbutrin while on lamictal but the wellbutrin, a DNRI, increased my anxiety greatly (oddly enough low to mod. doses of psychostimulants calm me). Which best describes your anxiety, social anxiety, generalized, or panic disorder? Xanax has a short half life so that may be making it worse in between doses. Do you have any reason to believe you may be bipolar? B/c SSRIs/SNRIs can be very unpredictable if you are. And if you are a mood stabilizer may help anxiety. The thing that sucks is if you change docs you may end up with one that wants to lower your benzo dose, even tho it is considered unethical to put someone in benzo withdrawal against their will.

I would recommend trying to switch to a long acting benzo like klonopin or valium for your maintenance dose, with a lower dose of xanax for break thru anxiety. Most docs prefer rxing klonopin to the other benzos anyway. Benzos can actually cause depression b/c they inhibit the release of excitatory neurotransmitters in the brain's pleasure centers. So you may actually feel better if you can lower your maintenance dose. Only you should decide if you want to do that but many ppl find relief after adjusting to a low dose. For me it wasn't bad doing a slow taper (.25-.5mg reduction every 2-4weeks at a time) from 3 mg - .5 mg. I actually have less anxiety now, only needing .5 mg/day + up to 1 mg/day prn. It seems to be that last little bit that is extremely difficult to stop.

Increased anxiety is a common side effect for the 1st 1-4 weeks starting SNRIs/SSRIs. If your anxiety consists of obsessing/overthinking prozac is considered the best first choice. It is the least selective SSRI and side effects tend to be milder (but more possible ones) if you experience them. Lexapro is a good 1st choice for other anxiety/depression and starts working faster than other SSRIs. It is also the most selective. I don't really get side effects from it, only a little nausea during the first week. Most docs will probably start at 10mg, if that doesn't work try 20 mg, after that its probably best to try something else. The most common side effect is lowered sex drive, which for some reason I don't experience. The high dose xanax is probably already doing that, however.

These two drugs can be taken with ssris - I also take trazodone, not an SSRI, mainly for sleep but it seems to help anxiety a little and will help you save your benzos for daytime anxiety. Mirtazapine is also used for sleep and seems to be a much more powerful antidepressent/anti-anxiety drug. It makes ppl extremely hungry however so weight gain is common.

Hydroxyzine is sometimes rx'd for anxiety prn b/c it is not addictive, it is an antihistamine and only a very mild anxiolytic.

None of the anti-depressants will do anything to relieve benzo withdrawal anxiety, however.

 

[ib_PYRO]

Also depression and anxiety for me doesn't seem to be correlated to whats going on in my life (things like whether or not I'm dating etc.) You may want to make a timeline of your life including mood, anxiety levels, social life factors, grades, work-life, your dating life, drug use, medication use, exercise habits etc. and see if you can find any patterns. It is also worth getting some blood tests including sex hormones/thyroid hormones/corticosteroid levels if you haven't already.

 

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Which best describes your anxiety, social anxiety, generalized, or panic disorder? Xanax has a short half life so that may be making it worse in between doses.

Generalized anxiety and panic disorder best describes me. I'm anxious about everything all the time. I also have obsessive-compulsive thought patterns and behaviors. I get random panic attacks over the tiniest things because i keep thinking about the worst case scenario and obsessing over it.

Do you have any reason to believe you may be bipolar? B/c SSRIs/SNRIs can be very unpredictable if you are. And if you are a mood stabilizer may help anxiety. The thing that sucks is if you change docs you may end up with one that wants to lower your benzo dose, even tho it is considered unethical to put someone in benzo withdrawal against their will.

I believe I have bipolar disorder because of my drug usage, I go through "highs and lows", and during the highs I spend a lot of money and just do really stupid impulsive things. It seems like it is in a cycle that it happens. I went through acute benzo withdrawal once and I legitimately almost committed suicide.

I would recommend trying to switch to a long acting benzo like klonopin or valium for your maintenance dose, with a lower dose of xanax for break thru anxiety. Most docs prefer rxing klonopin to the other benzos anyway. Benzos can actually cause depression b/c they inhibit the release of excitatory neurotransmitters in the brain's pleasure centers. So you may actually feel better if you can lower your maintenance dose. Only you should decide if you want to do that but many ppl find relief after adjusting to a low dose. For me it wasn't bad doing a slow taper (.25-.5mg reduction every 2-4weeks at a time) from 3 mg - .5 mg. I actually have less anxiety now, only needing .5 mg/day + up to 1 mg/day prn. It seems to be that last little bit that is extremely difficult to stop.

I'm afraid that if I ask my doctor to switch me to a different medicine that she will think (maybe know is a better word) I am addicted and then I'd be flagged in my medical records and never be able to get anything to help me ever again. Like i know that probably won't happen and I'm just thinking worst case scenario, but there's a possibility that it could I guess. I just want to fucking stop relying on xanax because it seems like it's making things worse for me...

Increased anxiety is a common side effect for the 1st 1-4 weeks starting SNRIs/SSRIs. If your anxiety consists of obsessing/overthinking prozac is considered the best first choice. It is the least selective SSRI and side effects tend to be milder (but more possible ones) if you experience them. Lexapro is a good 1st choice for other anxiety/depression and starts working faster than other SSRIs. It is also the most selective. I don't really get side effects from it, only a little nausea during the first week. Most docs will probably start at 10mg, if that doesn't work try 20 mg, after that its probably best to try something else. The most common side effect is lowered sex drive, which for some reason I don't experience. The high dose xanax is probably already doing that, however.

Perhaps I'll talk to my doctor about switching me to Prozac because my anxiety is mostly over thinking and obsessive thoughts. How common do you think it is to have serious side effects from anti depressants?

Also depression and anxiety for me doesn't seem to be correlated to whats going on in my life (things like whether or not I'm dating etc.) You may want to make a timeline of your life including mood, anxiety levels, social life factors, grades, work-life, your dating life, drug use, medication use, exercise habits etc. and see if you can find any patterns. It is also worth getting some blood tests including sex hormones/thyroid hormones/corticosteroid levels if you haven't already.

My anxiety is only somewhat related to whats going on in my life. For example, work stresses me out but I'm also stressed and anxious at home, so I don't think it's just situational. I actually haven't had blood tests now that I think of it. I do get increased anxiety before my period, I know that, so perhaps it's something hormonal. I'm 22, if it matters. If it's something hormonal or internal that would be easier to fix I would be so happy.

 

[ib_PYRO]

As far as asking for a diff. benzo goes, I'm sure your doctor assumes you are physically dependent on them if she is Rx'ing you enough to take 6-8 mg's/day. A good doctor will differentiate between physical dependence and abuse/addiction. It's considered unethical to force someone thru benzo withdrawal against their will, but I understand your concern b/c there are plenty of docs out there who are only in it for the money and are more worried about covering their ass's then helping patients. Bipolar disorder is over diagnosed b/c a lot of ppl experience mania caused only by drugs, Rx or recreational. If you only have had manias that were drug induced, you do not fit the diagnostic criteria for bipolar, however it may be a sign you need to be extra vigilant. Effexor btw is considered one of the worst of the SSRI/SNRIs for causing mania. Effexor is usually only Rx'd after an SSRI has been tried.

Learning meditation and mindfulness techniques may be useful for slowing the obsessive thinking. They take some practice but being able to focus on what is going on here and now instead of obsessing is worth it. Therapists often teach these things but I'm sure a google search will yield a lot of info.

As for bad side effects from SSRIs go, I know quite a few people who take them. To me it seems that long term side effects after stopping and withdrawing are rare, and the more common side effect (might only be happening b/c they are working) is some people I know end up going out more, drinking more, and behaving recklessly.

 

[ib_PYRO]

I will also add that I take about 1 gram phenibut/day. I find that it allows me to take a lower dose of benzos and seems to give a mild mood lift. Effects vary by person but for me I have never found it to be recreational, it is a long acting GABA analog that kicks in very slowly. I never really felt it kick in, only noticed that I feel slightly less anxious and less depressed.

I'm not sure if I can give sources for something that is considered a supplement and not an RC, but it is available for cheap through health supplement websites, some supplement stores, and the mainstream online market places. It is a pharmaceutical in Russia. For me the withdrawal occurs on the 2nd day of not taking it and consists more of increased sadness than anxiety (much milder than SSRI withdrawal). You should be aware that some ppl report very serious withdrawal symptoms requiring medical treatment so YMMV. For that reason it is probably best to limit use to a few times/week.

I should also warn you that when I first tried it, I was expecting too much and kept re-dosing without feeling much more. Then I woke up the next morning throwing up, pupils very dilated, and feeling very uncomfortable. I recommend 0.5-1.5 grams/dose and no more than 2 grams in a day.

If you are experiencing significant benzo withdrawal it's effect on anxiety is negligible.

 

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Thank you so much for all your help.

I have some phenibut powder, which I've been afraid to try. Perhaps I'll give it a shot. I also have some caps too of phenibut. Which do you recommend? Are there any possible adverse effects I should be alerted to? I don't want it to like make me hallucinate or something since that's a big fear of mine.