Hi there, neversickanymore. Sorry to pester you again, but I had a question I thought you might be able to answer after doing a lot of research on my own the last couple of weeks. Please forgive me if this is too personal a question, but do you have ADD or ADHD? The reason I ask...I've always had so much trouble being organized, getting myself motivated to do things other people seem to find easy (housework, homework for school, making phone calls, etc.) I've made huge strides in organizational skills with A LOT of work involved over several years' time, but still face procrastination, distraction and motivation issues constantly. I'm organized and keep a pretty clean home, but it takes everything in me to maintain things in that way. And I had these focus and motivation problems long before the pain of fibromyalgia started, really they go back as far as I can remember in my life.
I don't think the problem is inherent laziness. My family doctor (whom I've known since I was a teenager) thinks ADD might be to blame, too, because in his opinion I'm not lazy at all. My mom, who knows me better than anyone at the end of the day, also says that I'm definitely not lazy, but she notices that I do get flustered easily and have trouble with routine. Most of my life I wished that I WAS a person who was stable, reliable, hard-working, focused, got things done on time- I just didn't often meet my goal of being that person. I try very hard, and I get good grades now because I force myself to study constantly, but it is always an uphill battle.
Then I ironically get this weird reversal of personality, where I'm able to focus intensely on one thing for hours without stopping, though not necessarily on what I should be doing, lol. Like I can write an article on something I love for six hours on end, but I find doing homework for more than forty-five minutes awful. My focus is a wreck. Since you mentioned that you take Lamictal and methylphenidate now, I just thought I'd ask your opinion on the whole subject. Again, sorry if I'm prying too much into your own life. I'm just trying to figure out the mystery that is my brain. None of my good friends in "the real world" (i.e., not online friends) have these types of issues, so I was thinking maybe someone online could comment. You seem very smart, too. I was wondering if you thought people with ADHD/ADD might self-medicate or get on medications incorrectly for anxiety and/or or depression, leading to even more problems down the road. I'm very afraid to start any new medications or even supplements at this point (which I'm sure you can understand). But I also see my problems with focusing much more clearly since I've been going to college full-time, trying to manage a household, do homework- all without much of the structure a full-time job provides. I worked full-time for many years before going back to school, but my job was always very highly-structured and supervised. I know that I could not have gone to college at eighteen years old and succeeded because I didn't have any time management or organizational skills at that age, no matter what my natural intellect might be. I also think maybe ADHD/ADD accounts for some of the anxiety and depression I've experienced periodically through the years. So much of what goes on in our lives, what we think are moral failings or personality quirks, seems to come down to brain chemistry, the more I study and read...Sorry for this long post, but I thought I should explain why I was asking you what you thought on this subject. Thanks for all of your helpful advice and support since I've come on the boards here. :D
.. yeah I crushed my addictions as well and am happier than i've ever been.. but that involves a whole lot more than returning to base line as more nuro systems are involved.. best of luck TE
