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Am I the only woman against marriage?

Tude

Tude

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Aug 20, 2011
Messages
11,204
Hi everyone :)

Like the title says, I'm a woman who is adamantly against getting married. I can't possibly be the only one, can I? I'm just trying to gauge my fellow woman's opinion on this, since all the women I know seem to want marriage, with the kids to go with it. By the way, I 100% don't want those either, but I think that's a topic for another post. So, what do you all think?
 
How old are you?

Women aren't for marriage, however weddings and the outcomes of favorable divorce laws are another question.
 
i think there are women who like the idea of marriage and want kids.
i think there are women who like the idea of marriage and don't want kids.
i think there are women who dislike the idea of marriage and want kids.
i think there are women who dislike the idea of marriage and don't want kids.

alasdair
 
alasdairm said:
i think there are women who dislike the idea of marriage and want kids.
alasdair
Click to expand...

*raises hand.*

Already has a kid. Doesn't really want to get married. Likes the idea of a longterm steady significant other but all that other ish.... *shudder*
 
Thanks for all the responses so far!

I'm anti marriage for a few reasons, some more valid than others, admittedly. My main reason is, 50% of marriages end in divorce. No one gots into marriage thinking they'll end up divorced, but it happens. I don't want to have to go through lawyers to split up a union that isn't working. Not to mention the financial ramifications involved. Another reason, going back to the not wanting kids deal. I don't really see the point in getting married if I don't have/won't have kids. I'm not saying people should only have kids if they're married, that's far from true. I know plenty of unmarried people who are great parents and vice versa. My reasoning is as far as legal protections for the kids of married couples go. My third reason is simply that a piece of paper has no meaning to me. I'm going to love the guy I end uo with with our without being married, so to me it's useless to get married.

This is just my point of view of course :)
 
Whoops I forgot to answer the other questions haha

Beamers, I just turned 21, and as far as favorable divorce laws go, I'm not a gold digger :) Oh, and weddings suck.

Alasdair, I already knew that. I guess I was just trying to rally the troops? Lol

Munki, I agree with your wanting a long term SO but not the other stuff that comes with that. A lot of people that I've told about my "strange" predilection think I never want to be with someone. They tell me I'll "get lonely," etc. but being married to me doesn't equate companionship.
 
Rincewindsrocks, do you want to get married? A lot of my guy friends want a wife and kids someday. At least the ones that haven't already acquired them.
 
I just can't fathom the idea of monogamy. No matter how in love I am with a man, I will always want other people physically and I'm not stupid in assuming he does too. What works is if you see each other as just great companions for future endeavors of your separate lives, and if you both hold enough interest each other to want to fall asleep with together every night.
alasdair's right, but you're going to find those combinations in all groups of people. The legal benefits of having a spouse are good for not only couples in love but like old women living together who just need to share health insurance, etc. I'm still undecided, I'm sure I'll be living with my partner for a decade or so and have kids before I decide to do anything further
 
personally ( and these are the same opinions i have expressed to my gf) i thinkk being agains marriage is stupid. Marriage is a beautiful thing, and i believe it is thrown away to easily these days. Not to say that divorce is wrong - if you make a mistake, why not fix it if you can - but i also think people rush into marriages these days - why go into something lie that if you are not sure?

basicaly, i want everyone to be happy. a comitment ceremony is important because a) it erases any doubts in both parnters minds b) it is something for the family of both participants c) it is something to remember when things get hard...you do love this person, and you will get through it. also, and this is secondary, but there are government benefits to being lawfully married...this is actually the strongest argument for gay marriage in my opinion.

but yeah, i know im not going to convince anyone that refuses to be convinced...im just saying keep an open mind
 
LadyLucid, there's some days I think I'll be with the same guy forever, and some days that I, like you, can't fathom being with only one guy forever.

Rincewindrocks, I totally agree that people that do get married should never rush into it.

Cane2theLeft, rotfl!
 
Marriage is what you make it. I dated my husband for 10 years before we got married. Our relationship has not changed in the two years we have been married. We are both independant and have our own interests. We might have kids down the road but there is no presure just because we are married.

Not all divorces have to get messy with courts and lawyers. I know people who decided as couple that the marriage was not working and split their assetss up themselves. To my knowledge neither of them recieves any alimony. In many cases, the divorced couple has remained friends. It seems silly to avoid doing something because of the possiblity of negative consequences.
 
Tude said:
Whoops I forgot to answer the other questions haha

Beamers, I just turned 21, and as far as favorable divorce laws go, I'm not a gold digger :) Oh, and weddings suck.

Alasdair, I already knew that. I guess I was just trying to rally the troops? Lol

Munki, I agree with your wanting a long term SO but not the other stuff that comes with that. A lot of people that I've told about my "strange" predilection think I never want to be with someone. They tell me I'll "get lonely," etc. but being married to me doesn't equate companionship.
Click to expand...

Oh, you are young, and chances are that your thoughts and ideals will change. I've been married, and it didn't work out. Now, I can go either way. I would be perfectly OK in either situation. After I got married, I had an anxiety attack. Shoulda been my clue, heh? lol I did not like the "chained" feeling at all. I'm not sure what I would do if someone asked me to marry them now. I'm OK living with someone who makes me happy, but most people I've dated have never been married, so I don't know if the men would want to get married. I've dated some really nice guys, and most of them see marriage as something that they want. I'm very independent though and I can't see myself ever asking someone for anything. I do what I want, when I want, and my partner can put in his 2 cents, but as long as it's my house and my money, the decision is mine. I will never be submissive...ever. I've also never had anyone take care of me, so maybe that is my problem. If some really nice guy with money said "Honey, I want to settle down and I will make sure you have a roof over your head," then maybe I'd have a different opinion. But I've never met a guy who makes more money than I do, so I'm always the Bank of Lysis when shit goes down. lol

My biggest issue is kids. I emphatically did not want them in my 20s, but now I don't know. I'm 35, and I would never bring a kid into this world in a stressful, unstable environment.

I should warn you now that if you don't get married and live the single, independent life, you will be alienated after 30. Most women see you as weird, and they won't talk to you. In my boot camp classes, they treat me poorly sometimes, because I'm the single, free girl who likes sports cars. I have nothing in common with them. They just talk about home stuff and kids and what little Johnny is doing this week. I have nothing to talk about with them, and women that age can be catty. I'm quiet by nature, but I found friends mostly with gay dudes and younger girls. All of my friends are married with kids. Ever made a 4chan joke in front of a 35 year old woman? They look at you like you're the devil. lol
 
Animal cookie, I guess what you said about your relationship with your husband not changing after two years is kind of what I'm getting at. I mean, if the relationship stays the same, what's the point of getting married? Although I'm glad it's working out for you. I do realize it's silly avoiding something just because negative consequences can result, but the way I see it, life is too short. I spend life trying to avoid things that can make me unhappy.

Lysis, the thought of being submissive just gives me the heebie jeevies! I'm the kind person that hates asking for anything, so maybe that's part of the reason I don't want to get married. I love my independence! I hadn't really thought about being alienated after 30, but I guess that's the price I'll pay lol. I already have a lot of gay friends anyway.

Thanks everyone for your answers. Really good stuff!
 
Tude, question: what if you fell in love with someone and they wanted to get married? No wedding, no kids. Maybe they want to do it for tax purposes. Would you still object?

Btw, I do believe there is too much peer pressure to get married and conform to societal 'norms'.
 
Max Power, I agree that there's too much pressure to get married in order to "fit in." To answer your question, I think I would still refuse on principal. However, I will concede that you pose a very tough scenario.
 
alasdairm said:
i think there are women who like the idea of marriage and want kids.
i think there are women who like the idea of marriage and don't want kids.
i think there are women who dislike the idea of marriage and want kids.
i think there are women who dislike the idea of marriage and don't want kids.

alasdair
Click to expand...

Precisely!
I want marriage ... I don't want kids.
Why do I want marriage?
I like the idea of being committed to one person for the rest of my life. I want to have someone who is always there for me, who I can always count on, that kind of thing. I want a partner in life. I feel like marriage is taking the relationship to another level. Boyfriends ... okay they can come and go. You break up. A marriage is when you know that this person is someone who you DO want to spend the rest of your life with.
 
Llama112, I guess I want the same thing you do, but without getting married. Just in case something goes wrong.
 
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