olypen
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 5, 2015
- Messages
- 117
I consider myself clean and sober and so does my NA group. I want some other opinions, realizing full well i will get some answers that i like, some I dislike and some I just plain hate. Nonetheless outside input, constructive criticism and opinions are welcome by me for consideration and introspection. I am not asking for medical advice or anyone to tell me how to manage my med regimen. If i posted in the wrong forum, move the thread, but since i am basically asking if individuals think i am living sober i thought this was the appropriate place.
Here's some history. I've been off and on opiates and other drugs for a couple of decades. I've always used a geographic relocation approach to get clean, basically run away. I've never been to treatment and I've never even considered NA anything other than a Jesus filled cult. I've also been diagnosed as bipolar by several psych doctors but always thought it was bullshit and eventually go off the meds and go back to using.
After a recent nasty run extracting fentanyl to smoke/slam I looked up sub doctors and found one who was also a psychiatrist. I figured that was sign from the universe and i went in for both managing the bipolar and getting clean. So i started suboxone @24mg a day, because of the amount of fent i was using and it was still miserable at first. I also restarted psych meds at these daily doses, some are not taken all at once but broken up: Celexa 40mg, Topamax 200mg, valium 20mg and Restoril 30mg.
At this point I have cut the subs down to 16mg and plan on going as low as possible without the craving coming back before i am strong enough to handle them. I have also found out the NA isn't a Jesus filled cult and have started attending meetings 5 days a week, which is every day they have them here. I am working on getting a sponsor, i just have to call him every day for 30 days before it's official.
Right now i'm in a manic phase, so people tend to think i'm on speed even when i take the valium and i do not abuse it. I also would get zero sleep without the restoril. I've tried stuff like remeron or trazodone, but they leave me in a fog well into the next day.
I could increase the Topamax, but that just increases cognitive impairment which isn't good at work. The shrink mentioned increasing the topamax, decreasing the valium and adding vyvanse or adderall for cognitive functioning, but i didn't think that was a good idea. I also refuse to take any antipsychotics because I've seen tardive dyskinesia first hand and there is no way in hell I am risking that. So, what do you think? I know i am making progress, but am i actually living a sober life? If you made it reading this far, thanks and if you bother to post i REALLY appreciate it!!
Here's some history. I've been off and on opiates and other drugs for a couple of decades. I've always used a geographic relocation approach to get clean, basically run away. I've never been to treatment and I've never even considered NA anything other than a Jesus filled cult. I've also been diagnosed as bipolar by several psych doctors but always thought it was bullshit and eventually go off the meds and go back to using.
After a recent nasty run extracting fentanyl to smoke/slam I looked up sub doctors and found one who was also a psychiatrist. I figured that was sign from the universe and i went in for both managing the bipolar and getting clean. So i started suboxone @24mg a day, because of the amount of fent i was using and it was still miserable at first. I also restarted psych meds at these daily doses, some are not taken all at once but broken up: Celexa 40mg, Topamax 200mg, valium 20mg and Restoril 30mg.
At this point I have cut the subs down to 16mg and plan on going as low as possible without the craving coming back before i am strong enough to handle them. I have also found out the NA isn't a Jesus filled cult and have started attending meetings 5 days a week, which is every day they have them here. I am working on getting a sponsor, i just have to call him every day for 30 days before it's official.
Right now i'm in a manic phase, so people tend to think i'm on speed even when i take the valium and i do not abuse it. I also would get zero sleep without the restoril. I've tried stuff like remeron or trazodone, but they leave me in a fog well into the next day.
I could increase the Topamax, but that just increases cognitive impairment which isn't good at work. The shrink mentioned increasing the topamax, decreasing the valium and adding vyvanse or adderall for cognitive functioning, but i didn't think that was a good idea. I also refuse to take any antipsychotics because I've seen tardive dyskinesia first hand and there is no way in hell I am risking that. So, what do you think? I know i am making progress, but am i actually living a sober life? If you made it reading this far, thanks and if you bother to post i REALLY appreciate it!!