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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards

Am I gonna survive

K

Kevin_W

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 11, 2014
Messages
36
Just as I was getting ready to take to wean off this shit I hit a severe depression attack. I had history of depression and anxiety for 22 years.

NOW THE ONLY THING THAT HELPS ME WITH DEPRESSION IS OXYCODONE, WTFFFFFFFF.....

This more of a venting thread....I should survive this but Im afraid once I kick off oxy then my deoression will never leave. IS THIS TRUE? That scares me more than anything.

I cant go to hosp for detox cuz for one I dont wanna methadone or sub. How else they gonna help?

I have been on high doses of antidepressants gor 20 years and also klonopin pretty high dose. I cant change AD at this point.

I havent taken a shit in weeks. Lexatives including enema barely help.

Looks like I have to decrease oxy despite everything as I have beaten depression before except not with oxy withdrawal.

My other fear is, although I never was suicidal, this battle may make me so.

Im fucked.

Not even gonna mention other stresses in my life such as my kid having cancer, my father going for lung cancer surgery next week etc et ...

GOD HELP ME
 
I've heard of oxy being prescribed by psychs when all other measures for major depression fail. But I only know for sure of it in one case.

Anyone else?

Actually, come to think of it, my pain doc (during one of my meltdowns in his rooms, they only occur there), has commented a few times that an oxy increase might help my mood, but not my pain.

Rtp
 
I'm sorry you are in such a horrible place at the moment. I understand, feeling fucked and like there is no way out.

When I was on a lot of opiates, just the mere thought of quitting made me anxious and depressed. Opiates gave me the illusion for a long time that they helped me with depression. They would give me energy, which allow me to do things I wouldn't otherwise… as well as help with pain, temporarily.
On the down side, long term my pain was increasing and my depression worsening, as they are addictive and use up all the pleasure chemicals over time, so the brain cannot make it's own endorphins.

BUT, Good news is the brain 'can' regenerate… it just takes a while and getting through acute phase and post acute withdrawal. Not to say the underlying dp is not still there but the substance induced depression will lift, in time.

I would make a taper plan with the oxy if I were you, depending on severity of use, longevity, amount and body weight. You don't have to get on methadone or subs.

If you go into the hospital they will probably prescribe Clonidine and Gabapentin (depending, as you are on benzos). Good news is opiates are not as difficult to get off of as benzos, or to decrease amount… and you are looking to drop the opiate intake only for now. :)

I'm very sorry to hear about your child, hang in there, you are worth it!

Smoky <3

Heroin, long ago used to be given for mental conditions… but shouldn't be today, opiates… not long term… or at all I would think. :)
 
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Thanks for encouregement Smoky. Your every sentence is true. I will fight it. I dont know if I have enough to taper off but will do rapid taper then. I have gabapentin.

Do you think I will ever feel happy again once I quit oxy?
 
Thanks for encouregement Smoky. Your every sentence is true. I will fight it. I dont know if I have enough to taper off but will do rapid taper then. I have gabapentin.

Do you think I will ever feel happy again once I quit oxy?
 
^You'll definitely be happy again. It doesn't seem like it from where you're standing but it's there. Try to fill that hole in your life with something productive, creative, time consuming that's not a drug.

I'm sorry to hear about everything that is going on for you. I can't make any opiate recommendations personally, but I've been lower than low before, and you don't sound near there. Whatever's best for you and those around you, you'll ace it.... just gotta really want it.

BTW, Do you not prefer subs? A lot of my friends have had really good success with it, but I guess with depression its a whole different story.

Hang in there it will only get better, hopefully some of the other people here have some solid opiate-based advice for gettin you where you need to be.
 
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