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Am I Addicted?

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sm7125

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 4, 2011
Messages
36
Location
Chicago, IL
Hey everyone! Hope y'all are having a super fun rollin-summer!

You can look at some of my other posts for the back-story and context if you wish. Briefly, I've rolled on average about once a month for the past year - never had done any drug before this. I'm 39 years old, very healthy, active, and own my own business which produces a very nice income for me.

As my own boss, and living the life I've chosen, I have a lot of free time, and really enjoy that. I have outside activities which I partake in regularly and continue to be very productive and engaged in every aspect of my life.

Here's where my curiosity is: I LOVE MDMA. L-O-V-E it. I think about it all the time. Although I wait a month between rolls, and am increasing that to two currently, I always get SO excited for those 30-60 days awaiting my next roll. I listen to music and think about what it would sound like on a good roll. I run outdoors and imagine how the views would be enhanced if I were rolling. (Not that I roll when I run ever.) On quiet nights, during those 30-60 days, I do sometimes have a little quibble with myself about how I have to wait... but I really don't want to. I DO wait... but I wish I could do it again... most weeks between rolls.

Does this sound like "addiction" to you, or just someone who REALLY likes something. I ask because while I like Ice Cream or going on a cruise, or going to a concert, I don't constantly think about it. I have never maintained the level of excitement about a thing as much as I do about MDMA. (Except maybe some really good sex.)

Additionally, I have been looking into an alternate drug to have fun with in the meantime, between rolls. (I KNOW it will not be the same or similar to MDMA... I'd love to try LSD - it sounds like it's really up my alley, but I haven't tried it yet.)

I'm open to your thoughts. I respect the people on Bluelight, and appreciate all the care you show for others, keeping them safe, out of harms way, and in a position so they can have continued fun in as safe a way as possible!

What do you think? Am I addicted?

Truly - SM7125 :\
 
addiction: To cause to become physiologically or psychologically dependent on a habit-forming substance:
Click to expand...

well you could say that its an addiction, if you're having legitimate trouble passing the 1 month mark.
but i think that everyone feels the same way, MDMA is just that great.
addicted is kind of a harsh term though imo

oh and if you dont start spacing out your rolls, you may find that the quality begins to diminish (aka losing the magic) Sasha Shulgin thinks that 4x a year is perfect.
 
Like Fyasko said, that's just the way MDMA is. How can you not be giddy and excited for such immense joy and fun. I was a lot worse off than you, as far as how often I rolled, but I managed to get a hold of it when I realized once or twice a week was too much.
 
i get that too actually. not so much more now cuz im not doing it as often.

but i remember when i was doing it every month, id be lying in bed, not being able to sleep cuz all i was thinking about was mdma.

and, like you, id be listening to music thinking about how amazing and beautiful it'd sound on E!

and it was SO hard not to think about it! tbh id think of it as an addiction. not one where you break into sweats and get headaches, but just a habit. a bad habit.
 
i'd think if one is addicted to a substance, they have trouble using said substance responsibly and have issues with sticking to just occasional use along with not being able to stop said substance even though its causing them major issues in life
i'd say you're fine
 
OP:
I can relate to you a lot- I run my own business successfully, and found myself (and still do) more mentally preoccupied with MDMA than actually abusing it in reality.

I think MDMA provides a lot of us with unintended therapy, and offers to be a far deeper and more meaningful experience than we anticipated. I know for myself, I spent the first year of my use trying to talk to almost every friend I thought I could bring it up to, all the music I listened to were songs specifically about MDMA, if I heard a stranger say "ecstasy", I'd likely go out of my way to clarify what they said and even risk embarrassing myself etc. etc....I think making MDMA an important part of your life is a common occurrence for a lot of people. I think this phenomenon is fairly unique to MDMA, because it is a very emotional and life changing experience- some people feel this way about LSD and shrooms to an extent too, but I think it's specifically common with MDMA.

Though I don't think you're addicted to MDMA, I think you're likely preoccupied with it. Preoccupation with the beauty of MDMA is a huge part of what lead me to being on Bluelight so much I'm a mod here ;) I think it's important to keep it in check, and focus on what your MDMA experiences bring to your every day sober life, and how it's helped your perspective (assuming it has). I'd focus on making the MDMA experience as meaningful as possible, and challenge yourself to take longer breaks (it may sound insane, but I've only rolled 2x this year!) each time so every session is more meaningful. Preoccupation can be unhealthy all on it's own, but I think it's also natural for a while.
 
Don't lose the majic! Really, use less frequently and you will be more satisfied with each roll. Once you've be rollin' in a pattern such as once a month every year you WILL lose the touch. I mean you want to still be rollin once a blue moon when you are older, right?

Try to appreciate each coming roll more and embrace it for the time being. I have found its easier to go longer without using mdma if I dabble with some other drugs [such as psychedelics!] in the mean time (don't recommend-just saying).

Don't make it 'your thing' as there are many good groovy enlightening things out there to be had.

Please stay safe and hear me out- space your rolls out for longer periods of time.
 
First off kudos for keeping your rolls spaced out every month when you are so preoccupied. I was just as much or more preoccupied than you and couldn't wait more than 6-7 days to roll again. It's great that you take all of the advice you read on here seriously.. don't break the rule.

I think that it is definitely possible for somebody to be mentally preoccupied/addicted to MDMA, but obviously not physically. Most people that are "addicted" to MDMA don't stay addicted long as they do it too frequently and "lose the magic". Stick to what you are doing and there shouldn't be a problem. There is nothing wrong with looking forward to something that is as fun as taking MDMA.
 
Thanks everyone for the great comments. Very helpful to keep me grounded.

@MarkoPolo: probably good idea thinking of it as a 'habit'... good point.

@Bsiren: I also like the term "preoccupation"... that really hits the nail on the head. Many of my thoughts are exactly that... preoccupied with thoughts of MDMA.

@Muddle: I am definitely trying to space my rolls out more. I totally understand the risk of not doing so, and I totally don't want to lose the magic. That would suck! I am looking for something else that I can use between rolls for entertainment.

@ChiTown: I have rolled a couple times with only a week or two in between, but it usually doesn't work well, so I stopped it. And, I do take all this stuff serious... so many here have so much more experience, and I rarely see anyone trying to bust someone elses chops for no reason. This site and you all are amazing. And you have been especially helpful to me. Thanks! With the unbelievable good stuff in Chi - how could you not look forward to the next roll?

Thanks for the perspective everyone! I'm gunna keep this all in check and look forward to an unbelievable roll late July... Just 26 days away! 624 hours! 37,440 Minutes! Not that I'm counting. LOL
 
wow, this has made me feel so much better now :) i too thought i was addicted. i tried to hide my love for MDMA :) ahaha!!! awesome, next time august :)

wahaay :)
 
Good to see that you can still control yourself though. As long as you stick to your rules and space it out nicely you should be fine.

Personally, I like to smoke some herb, so maybe try that out and see how you like it.
 
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