Almost feels like im losing my mind

[kanyeknievel]

update: Now its been about a month and a week, the depressions really fading, the anxiety was really bad a few days ago, and i got some social anxiety aswell which freaked me out, but the anxietys down a lot now, I am starting to recognize myself in the mirror again. The D/R is still sticking around though , not as bad though. My self esteem still isnt were it was before.
A few days ago I felt a lot of blood flow to my head and my eyes were really big and I heard thats a good thing.
I went 4 days without weed but smoked weed yesterday and didn't have a bad reaction to it, or any bad after effects.

Heres great advice. When you wake up each day, or go on through the day. Don't rate how you feel or think "okay I feel X amount better today". Your still like thinking about it and it being on ur mind. Its okay if u notice the things like u said as ur going on thrugh the day, that may be the case, but dont like THINK about it when u wake up or go through the day.

But yes thats usually how it works the first month is mass confusion and panic cause its so strange and think your actually going mental from drugs. I dont know if doing any drugs is a good idea to be honest for your recovery , i mean i have heard of people that smoked and still recovered but then again everyone is different. I know I cant smoke, well i can but i get panicy if i dont take benzos with it, so i dont do it anymore... i can wait till im back to normal to blaze again.

<triggering/unnecessary>

also the anxiety, depression, social-anxiety is all normal. I have or had all of that and its getting much better. I mean i dont go out nearly as much as i used to for those reasons, and because when i aways went out it was to smoke all over the place, but its gotten better and so will you

This will make you feel better. Im dong a paper of DP/DR for Phsyc and I asked my teacher if he knew anything about it. And he told me yes, when he was about 18/19 he used to smoke a ton of weed and he smoked too much one time and it triggered all of his underlying anxiety and depression causing the DP. He had to for two years he said and now he smokes all the time still. Hes the coolest teacher ever

EDIT: Also, I bet it another culture out there, DP/DR is something envious of people to have. I bet some culture out their thinks that it is an experience or moment of enlightenment or spirtuality so you can become more with the earth, rather than just yourself. and preceive things in a different point of view.... too bad we dont live in a culture like that, or it would be the exact oppoiste of how we feel now haha

 

[kanyeknievel]

Btw someone should make a DP/DR mega-thread for people to post how it happened to them, support, etc. So people know they arent NEARLY the only ones, and you recover and support for people in distress or hopeless etc.

I would but I dont have the time to make a thred and include a bunch of info like links on what it is, how it happens, etc ( all the info u need to know basically ).

But if someone does make it i am writing an essay for my psychology class about depersonalization and i would love to share it with you guys when its done cause it will be really detailed and have a shit load of information on it and for people that dont know alot about it.

 

[inmymindimeveryone]

Hi there. I deal with DR/DP constantly as an after effect of trauma (PTSD and a dissociative disorder) and probably substance use doesn't help. I also am diagnosed with HPPD so that's my disclaimer with this info.

I have had DR constantly for as long as I can remember, but since starting therapy three years ago I do have fleeting times that it goes away. But not while I'm thinking about it. For me this has been a breakthrough and I am 100% sure your symptoms will improve.

About the dilated pupils thing, I get that too. I spoke to an eye doc about it last time I got glasses and he said not to worry about it unless it actually was painful. It also makes my vision a little blurry at times to where I won't drive because my vision with my glasses is almost as bad as my vision without. This doesn't happen very often though so I don't worry about it, and I hope you won't either.

I still smoke weed and I really think this hurts me a lot. I don't feel more DR/DP when stoned but I do get panic attacks sometimes which sets the DR into motion even more and then the HPPD stuff gets worse and it all loops in on itself. Quitting or greatly reducing is probably the best idea.

Addressing a common thing I hear and something brought up in this thread that some cultures would find DR/DP something wonderful and think you're enlightened or something. There is a huge difference between having control over DR/DP and being forced into it by your mind against your will. It makes you feel insane and I have done some pretty stupid things trying to figure out if the world was real or not and trying to provoke ANY emotion in myself. Also it's not fun finding evidence of things you've done or said without any memory of it (or very little). Lots of cringe worthy emails sent and things missing, people calling you you don't remember meeting and etc. Maybe that's pretty extreme but anyhow I really don't think it's a form of 'enlightenment', although I have learned a lot from going from complete 24/7 DR/DP to once in a while not being dissociative... I've learned to appreciate my feelings and that feeling of being alive in the rare instances I do feel it.

I also spoke to this awesome psychologist I did group therapy with at some point about it and he gave the same advice - don't focus on it and you'll learn to live with it and one day you'll realize it's gone.

edit: Benzos made it worse overall, I wouldn't recommend them. Sure they help but they (IME) don't actually reduce DR/DP and are band-aids at best. My DR/DP never got better until I stopped them. CBT all the way, like others have stated.

 

[kanyeknievel]

CBT is awesome agreed. I think your's has lasted a lot longer than ours, well if me and him are in the same boat from weed, because of the PTSD, Dissociative disorder, continued drug use, HPPD, etc. All of those gotta be HELL for DP/DR, i know u will recover but u should realy stop the substance abuse if you want that

 

[inmymindimeveryone]

Thanks man, you're right and I know it. The smoking weed again thing is only the past few months but I'm totally self medicating with it (again). Facing life sober is an ongoing problem for me but one that needs to be addressed for sure.