Almost 23 and have never gotten laid

[jr6654]

Doubt that will help in his case.
It will take long years to get there, don't do it to yourself, walking around with that stache is not going to do you any good. With all the lumberjacks walking around it will make your stache look even worse. I get that you want a masculine facial hair, but it doesn't look good. Moustache is not fashionable these days. So do yourself a favour and shave.

Or do what i'm doing right now and take minoxidil which is a chemical that over time makes you grow hair on your face, it works but very slowly. I'm starting from nothing but there are cases of guys like me who ended up with a full beard :D

Any other guy would accept his lack of facial hair and realize there are girls who don't like beards. Unfortunately i am pretty materialistic to me

And all you have to do is walk into a bar or whatever to realize that sadly shallowness trumps personality, it's just a lot easier to realize that shallow is how it works.

Can't do shit about my height though

 

[Durzo1258]

And all you have to do is walk into a bar or whatever to realize that sadly shallowness trumps personality, it's just a lot easier to realize that shallow is how it works.

Being this bitter is not going to help. And no shallow does not trump personality. Unless you want a shallow and miserable relationship. Sex is good but it's not that good to be stuck in a relationship with some girl who'll make your life hell.
Self despair on the other hand does trump personality. I don't have the height, I don't have the facial hair, I don't have this and that. People see that in you. And it's not a desirable characteristic. I had a flat mate who was way shorter than me, had less facial hair than me and yet he didn't give a fuck about the things he couldn't change and it worked.

 

[jr6654]

Being this bitter is not going to help. And no shallow does not trump personality. But I'll tell what does, self despair. I don't have the height, I don't have the facial hair, I don't have this and that. People see that in you. And it's not a desirable characteristic. I had a flat mate who was way shorter than me, had less facial hair than me and yet he didn't give a fuck about the things he couldn't change and it worked.

He got girls?

 

[Durzo1258]

Yes he did, one of whom was my height and did yoga. She had to bend her knees to kiss him standing up.
If a girl turn you down only because of your height or facial hair she's not worth the effort. He knew that. He knew his disadvantages and worked over years to overcome them. I know we often spoke on the subject when we did drugs together.

 

[jr6654]

Yes he did, one of whom was my height and did yoga. She had to bend her knees to kiss him standing up.
If a girl turn you down only because of your height or facial hair she's not worth the effort. He knew that. He knew his disadvantages and worked over years to overcome them. I know we often spoke on the subject when we did drugs together.

I've often found smoking weed has helped me stay more positive about myself and women. Thanks for the story, that is somewhat encouraging

 

[Durzo1258]

Look it may sound like a pep talk. But most people have self esteem issues, bigger or smaller but they do. Work on them if you can, and if you can't just try and accept it over time. Also don't rely on drugs / alcohol, they can help break the ice but it's only a temporary solution.

 

[jr6654]

Look it may sound like a pep talk. But most people have self esteem issues, bigger or smaller but they do. Work on them if you can, and if you can't just try and accept it over time. Also don't rely on drugs / alcohol, they can help break the ice but it's only a temporary solution.

You're right. All this whining and griping is unmanly. I think there is a bigger man within, it can just be incredibly discouraging and hard to stay positive

 

[hydroazuanacaine]

I've often found smoking weed has helped me stay more positive about myself and women.

this will not help you get laid.

you're missing out on companionship. sex is overrated. if you take some photos that are not in the dark on your couch (best if they're photos of you out being a person with other people), create a tinder account, and swipe right you will get matches. some one them real girls. you will know they are interested in you. that's a start.

 

[Durzo1258]

Isn't tinder a vanity fair ?

 

[jr6654]

this will not help you get laid.

you're missing out on companionship. sex is overrated. if you take some photos that are not in the dark on your couch (best if they're photos of you out being a person with other people), create a tinder account, and swipe right you will get matches. some one them real girls. you will know they are interested in you. that's a start.

why is sex overrated?

 

[hydroazuanacaine]

there are all kind of people on tinder. especially for someone in their early 20s. all anyone needs to do in order to find matches is create a normal looking profile and swipe right.

"why is sex overrated?"
don't know how to say it without sounding preachy. find out. Durzo1258 and Bagseed's explanations are agreeable.

 

[Durzo1258]

why is sex overrated?

It's good, it can even be very good. But everyone is so obsessed with it that it has been blown out of proportion. And it creates a problem, people who don't get it at all or not as much as they would want to are starting to feel inadequate because everyone keeps bragging about it.

there are all kind of people on tinder. especially for someone in their early 20s. all anyone needs to do in order to find matches is create a normal looking profile and swipe right.

I wouldn't know, don't even have facebook.

 

[Bagseed]

sex is great, especially with a good partner, but once you loose your​ virginity, you will see that not much will have changed after getting laid.

I'd say that sex is overrated by virgins because they see it like this mystical kind of thing which will change everything when in reality it won't.

ps you look fine, work on getting courage and at some point you will find a girl which will like you back. in the meanwhile, try not to overobsess on the issue.

greets

 

[CoastTwoCoast]

You're not ugly, as others said, it's mostly an issue with your low self-esteem. Do things that you enjoy and make yourself feel good so you're not obsessing over being a virgin. I'm a female and I was a virgin until 24 years old. I'm not ugly or anything, I was just waiting for the right person. It's definitely worth holding onto your virginity until the right woman comes along. Someone who is understanding and caring. Do not feel bad about your situation. Just work on yourself and everything else will fall into place. Gotta get that confidence up! I think it's sweet you're a virgin actually.

 

[jr6654]

You're not ugly, as others said, it's mostly an issue with your low self-esteem. Do things that you enjoy and make yourself feel good so you're not obsessing over being a virgin. I'm a female and I was a virgin until 24 years old. I'm not ugly or anything, I was just waiting for the right person. It's definitely worth holding onto your virginity until the right woman comes along. Someone who is understanding and caring. Do not feel bad about your situation. Just work on yourself and everything else will fall into place. Gotta get that confidence up! I think it's sweet you're a virgin actually.

Thanks, i guess the thing is i want sex but i am smart enough to know just hooking up or whatever wouldn't be for me. I would feel cheaper i think and i would just want sex more, so it would become about the chase rather than a compatible partner and companionship.

And thanks haha I'm glad you think it's sweet. I think people usually think virgin guys are pussies

 

[jr6654]

sex is great, especially with a good partner, but once you loose your​ virginity, you will see that not much will have changed after getting laid.

I'd say that sex is overrated by virgins because they see it like this mystical kind of thing which will change everything when in reality it won't.

ps you look fine, work on getting courage and at some point you will find a girl which will like you back. in the meanwhile, try not to overobsess on the issue.

greets

thanks i know intuitively it won't change anything, it's mostly that i think no sex at all gets unhealthy the older i get haha

 

[-=SS=-]

As others have said, build a positive mindset first. You're angry and frustrated. We understand. Most guys have known it at some point. But taking it out on yourself only hurts.. yourself. It's OK to be angry, but use that as fuel and motivation to build yourself up to where you want to be, and not to self-destruct through bad habits or self-loathing. You only cheat yourself by not acting in a positive way for you. The thing is, as others have said, sex is overrated. In the context of a solid relationship it can be good, but it shouldn't be the centre of your world.. just the icing on the cake of a good relationship, and ultimately for creating babies. Modern society idolizes the act and doesn't celebrate the healthy context surrounding it.. because sex and quick thrills sell.. long term goals and morality don't.

The thing is when you go through this struggle and carve yourself out good, you will be happier for yourself, and as a bonus you will be receptive to inviting female presence in to your life.. but at that point you'll be content enough that it doesn't matter if you have someone or not anyway! On a side note most women have little idea what it means to be a man, to light a fire under your own ass and conquer your inertia, self-loathing, and inner demons that hold you back, and become something great. They just don't. But once you find that drive inside yourself and begin to own it, they see it in you because it affects the way you hold yourself, your composure, your words, everything. That's what they're attracted to, the dynamic male energy, energy that blasts forth from nothing to create something.

Get in the gym. You will feel better because you're exercising. You will grow and that lifts you up in many ways. You can see the results of YOUR effort and success. It's the best thing you can do and its a wise choice in terms of time and energy. I've gained 20lbs in the last 9 months, 3 hours of gym a week, eating healthy. The hardest part is diet and getting enough sleep! Seriously, channel your anger there and let yourself succeed.

EDIT: Get yourself some proper material for the mind too. There's SO much free stuff available that can change your life it's unreal, and most people have no idea! I seriously can't believe it sometimes. Read up on psychology, how to be success, how your mind works, how you can change your own direction. Here's a book to get you started and acquainted with the idea of success:

http://eventualmillionaire.com/Resources/ThinkandGrowRichebook.pdf

 

[jr6654]

On a side note most women have little idea what it means to be a man, to light a fire under your own ass and conquer your inertia, self-loathing, and inner demons that hold you back, and become something great. They just don't. But once you find that drive inside yourself and begin to own it, they see it in you because it affects the way you hold yourself, your composure, your words, everything. That's what they're attracted to, the dynamic male energy, energy that blasts forth from nothing to create something.

That's what i always suspected, they sense it for sure but may not always understand it or be able to put it into words. So it's a good thing to get started on. I can't guarantee you I will go the gym route, I have been heavier and more muscular than I am right now and it made little difference in my confidence. A complete psychological change may be better suited to me

 

[-=SS=-]

It's not just about being more muscular, though that does help your self-esteem, it's the process of doing something and getting better at it that helps boost confidence.. confidence in your ability to achieve, to apply effort (and make mistakes) but still succeed. You have to lift yourself up man, no one else can do it for you.. certainly not a woman (though companionship can make life flow a bit more).

Confidence is also largely not attaching yourself to imagined failure, and essentially not giving a fuck. Right now you care way too much about sex/your virginity and it's paralyzing you. You need to examine why you care so much about it, then you'll gain back your confidence.

 

[jr6654]

It's not just about being more muscular, though that does help your self-esteem, it's the process of doing something and getting better at it that helps boost confidence.. confidence in your ability to achieve, to apply effort (and make mistakes) but still succeed. You have to lift yourself up man, no one else can do it for you.. certainly not a woman (though companionship can make life flow a bit more).

Confidence is also largely not attaching yourself to imagined failure, and essentially not giving a fuck. Right now you care way too much about sex/your virginity and it's paralyzing you. You need to examine why you care so much about it, then you'll gain back your confidence.

I agree, it's just hard not to care when people, the guy who lives next door for instance (and is younger than me, i might add) is having so much sex and i feel like i am missing out. I know that's the wrong mindset but it's difficult.

I think exercising is good but i guess my body goals are different. I'd rather have a subtle physical presence yet a powerful one, not so much about being big. One of the most masculine guys i know is 5'5" and 120 something. He's not ripped nor jack but when you meet him you just know.