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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

All meth addicts, recovering especially!

A

abbazabbaaa

Greenlighter
Joined
May 17, 2015
Messages
19
I have been through a lot with my addiction. I know at the end of my day what has happened in my dance with the devil and what has not... I feel like a lot I read on here is about opiates. Nothing wrong with that... Just curious about people's thoughts who have shared (and do share) the same addiction as me. When recovering off of severe abuse... How did you feel? How have you all dealt with the anxiety, paranoia, lack of interest in everyday acticties that comes during addiction as well as in recovery? Just wanting to hear some stories about what you went through specifically. I am curious to learn more. Any comments or experiences, please feel free to share!
 
The comedown is a nightmare for me when I don't have benzos or weed. Im crashing as we speak, and if I didn't have my Xanax I would have been for a rough ride. All I want to do is stay in my bed and not interact with anybody. At this stage the depression and the anxiety has kicked in. The guilt I feel for doing this is consuming me. I always tell myself it's the last time, but then I go out drinking and bam, the dance with the devil begins. When I used to do this, I would just buy some hard liquor to loosen me up and hopefully get drunk enough to fall asleep. I can't wait for this to go away.
 
Antipsychotics, typical or atypical, are a Godsend for methamphetamine comedowns. Benzodiazepines come in a distant second place, and alcohol is third.

As for my stimulant addiction, its been going on for 19 years and counting. The only difference is now I rely on Benzedrex (propylhexedrine) daily instead of methamphetamine or crack.
 
I've been struggling with the amphetamine cycle fora good while now, use fro 4-5 days, feel shit for a week or so and use again telling myself it's the only way I'll feel better.....even though I know that it's just jumping back on the train. Recently it's been more meth than the common Amphetamine Sulphate we get in Europe, but IME the result is much the same.

Benzos are an common and obvious choice to deal with both use and come down but having been in deep with Diazepam in the past I rarely indulge, they can be as much an enabler as anything for me. I have been on APs in the past but in general I don't suffer those kind of symptoms despite my years of abuse, deep depression is more the issue and APs didnt help with that.

Rest, light exercise, good eating and keeping busy is the only regime that has brought longer spells of abstinence, week 1 seems like I'll never feel well again but from there on in things start to improve, unless you have a specific mental health issue I would avoid medication, more self medication is the last thing you really need and the rebound anxiety from something like Xanax is enough to drive me back to square 1.

I do think I would be better off not taking these drugs but at the same time I manage to remain functional and keep it under some level of control, beating myself up about it doesnt help and distracts me from making steps that may help me change the situation. Stopping isnt the issue for me I rarely use for more than 4-5 days straight, mostly less, the challenge is making changes that will help me continue to not use.....I'm working on that one :)
 
Meth has been a nightmare for me. All I can really say is good luck. I only started roughly... 5-6 months ago. In that time... I've lost nearly everything... Been kicked out of 2 outpatient programs.. And just relapsed yesterday after over a month of sobriety from meth. I created a mountain of regrets in that 6 months... Credit card debt.. Lost friendships... Damaged relationships with family... Etc. It's an ongoing struggle. I tried heroin a few times... Didn't get hooked. Even tried it IV 3 times or so. Tried meth... And I binged on it for 6 days. Been hospitalized for what j thought were heart attacks at the time twice.. Shit even now.. Its almost 4 am... Last I smoked was at noon yesterday. Can't sleep, feel like shit...burning up... Jaw hurts... Chest hurts...tingling in my extremities. Etc. Part of these symptoms scare me... But honestly... I've had these symptoms almost every time I smoked meth... Rather than iv... And every time I went to the hospital I was fine. So I'm hesitant to assume the worst. But honestly... Even if it was a heart attack. Good.

Psychosis hasn't gotten better. The paranoia is always there.. Constantly craving.. Wishing I could be the old me again. I was addicted to cocaine, Benzos, oxycodone, adderall etc. Honestly... The withdrawals of all of those ... Even cigs... Seem insignificant next to the power of the cravings for more meth.

Meth is just.... Not good. Honestly. I urge anyone considering trying it to reconsider... And for those of us addicted to it well... Fuck us right? Hated by society, viewed as the worst criminals... Yet seen as weaker and not real addicts compared to the heroin addicts. Everyone keeps saying, "at least it isn't heroin " lol... I dunno... I got a buddy who was addicted to both. He says meth is far more addictive for him. He quit smack. He still can't quit shit(meth).

I hope we all can find freedom from it. I've seen so many get hooked quick.. And honestly therapy... Etc. Doesn't help me. Since finding meth...I can't stand sobriety more than ever. I even fiend for weed like its tweek. And in the last month I've been battling a hydromorphone binge. But eventually it all lead to relapsing yesterday on meth. The day I was supposed to start my cold turkey sobriety from weed and dilaudid. As you can see... It didn't work so well.

Best of luck c:
 
I just remember after getting sober how hard every little minute thing was for me. Getting up was took an immense amount of effort. Having a conversation with others, even my own mother, was next to impossible for at least three months. All I could spit out was one of two word responses. I felt like my brain just wouldn't work the way it used to. I had terrible anxiety and depression, which I know is usual. But years later it has not left. I used to love smoking weed, it used to calm me down in every way... But now a days most weed gives me anxiety. I used to be totally outgoing. Laughing and smiling all the time... That is not entirely who I am today. I have healed, but it's so frustrating wondering if I robbed myself of the internal joy I used to hold within me at all times. I am happier than I was... But lower than I used to be before I started fucking my head up on drugs everyday for waaay too long. I feel as though I could never, and I mean never, give up smoking cigarettes because when I do go through those rough patches, that is all that will calm me. That and a stiff shot of tequila. Some weed helps, mainly dominant indica strains. But most weed makes my brain race. I can't even get too drunk or I freak out. I feel like I am right back to where I was as an addict. I feel very vulnerable and uncomfortable and it is not good for me. Curious if anyone else feels any of these post use issues.
 
I feel that way too. But with weed I find it amplifies the anxiety I already have. When the anxiety kicks up, try really listening to it. It may be motivating you to make changes in your life.

Also remember... Cigarettes dont lessen stress... They worsen it. They create a void... And only nicotine can fill it. When you smoke the extra stress of nicotine withdrawals causes your overall stress to be reduced... But smokers are and forever will be more stressed than non smokers ... Unless you break the chain. But who am I to give advice. I'm in the bog and sounds to me you've already climbed out of the bog. But now its about finding which direction to go from there that will make life worth living. A cause. A career or something that gives us what drugs took away.
 
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