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Alcoholism Thread V. ti martwonies

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Sorry for not logging on to the thread in a while.... Hope everyone is well...

@Red: 8 days! Congrats!!! Mornings do get better don't they heheh :)
@PA: Hopefully the depression gets better. It's probably a combo of a lot of things, but being off the eTOH definitley helps.
@Chompy... baby steps. as lame as it sounds, its true. Try 48 hours. Then go for 72, then see how it goes. It will get easier and you will get off of it!
@Laser! Whats up man. You are doing awesome! I just can't grasp the place you were in at the beginning of this thread and where you are now. You are doing amazing! BTW share with us how long its been for you being sober.....=D

Ive just limited myself to drinking not even once a week, so thats good, and benzos have been eliminated, but the opiates do come in occasionally, BUT much better for me. I feel tons more healthy because of laying off the booze. GOod luck everyone.
 
gj to all you guys that are staying off the drink. its day 2 of not drinking and I was able to sleep last night for 7 hours but woke up drenched in sweat. I had restless legs last night and walking for 40 minutes helped relax my tense muscles. otherwise im feeling physically fine, but mentally im pretty thirsty
 
It's better than weed for me atm.

Drinking now, plus 30mgs of phenergan, just to help me sleep. I can get by on a day to day thing wiothout beer though. My mum is different, she is on naltrexone and xanax to help her not drink, but since we are both kicking drugs she is happy to share her xanax and let me drink in peace.
 
Sober sister here. I relapsed, may have fucked up the best thing that has happened to me, and I'm kicking with an alcohol taper. I have some phenazepam but I got in some trouble when I eyeballed it (note: propylene glycol is your friend in its dissolution, I don't want to break guidelines) but it's really the only way to dose this one safely.

Also, don't mix with alcohol or Soma.

I am no stranger to GABA agonists but this combo put me on my ass. No arrests but injuries were sustained (by me only, and no, I did not drive). I feel guilty for not feeling more grateful, so hopefully this post will serve as a significant warning for you, those of you who are tapering/co-using with phenazepam.

Currently 100% alcohol free. I have to have a little tomorrow per the taper but I definitely cannot mix it with anything. I can't be pulling this Amy Winehouse shit anymore.

I would not have made it through the last few days if not for some of the people in this forum and this thread. I have other problems, bad ones, that it would not be right to reveal publicly, but thank you for your support, everyone. I will need even more very soon, I think, because I may have to make a huge life change. I may not; it is dependent on forces entirely outside of my control and I am a control freak.

This is the reality of alcohol abuse.

Mods, would it be OK with you if a master thread was made to "Tell your story with alcohol" so that all of these can be kept in one place? Or perhaps a separate thread is not necessary. Now that I'm Crew, you make the call. <3 I can help do a master links thread like PA did if you want. <3

Alcohol is in immediate danger of taking over my life, if it has not already. I am not at the point where I would be best off in detox but one more drink besides the taper just might be that bottom we all find. I am hoping my amazing support system (IRL and OL both) will help me get through this hell. I have never needed you more.

I am not suicidal, not self-harming, but I am having horrible, dreadful thoughts. Please pray that I am brave enough to get through this. I cannot control this, and it is killing me.

<3
 
I'm surprised to find myself adding onto an alcoholism thread- I never thought of myself as particularly alcoholic but now I have to wonder....

I never drank regularly until about four yrs ago when my mom died. My brother had to move in with me and we just drank like every damn night. Taking antidepressants really really made we wanna drink too. I guess that it was that period I established that it was ok to drink on a daily basis whereas before I never would have done that.

I gave drinking a break last year (october) when I graduated from school and started taking opiates. It helped pass the time as I couldn't find any employment whatsoever (and still can't). Well, taking opiates became just too much of a fucking hassle and I quit in april. In june-july, I started taking up drinking again as the boredom of no work got to me.

Fast-forward to this past week. I've been suffering an incredible amount of anxiety/panic attacks for the last two weeks so I decided I'd stop smoking cigarettes and lay off the booze. In addition- I'd just keep exercising like I have been since I quit the opiates in April. That TOTALLY worked- no anxiety/panic attacks and have been feeling great. I made a deal with myself that I'd only get fucked up on the weekends. The last time I drank was saturday night and I wanted to make it to friday. Well today is wednesday and I couldn't take the boredom anymore and went out and bought a six pack.

I should be working harder to find a job. I should be brain-storming free-lance projects to make money but I'm sitting here drinking beers and wasting my time feeling weak and sorry for myself.:!
 
My (budgetary) demotion 2 months ago both helped+hindered my alcoholism .. On one hand, I now have less $ than at any point in the last 10-15 years, so I really shouldn't be drinking .. But hey, when does that stop us?
I absolutely hate my newest work assignment; combined with canabis abstinence (gotta stay clean if a new job does come my way ..) the motivation to grab a cold 6-pack (or even a simple nightly dose) walking thru the neighborhood on my way home isn't always resistable .. But this week I still have over half of the 12-pack my visiting Father donated to my fridge (hooray alcoholic families!)
My ability to not feel like sh*t during/the day after drinking has steadily decreased from a level of 8, to 5, to 3, and now just 1 beer (tho the desire for more is always there).

I'm hoping my newest combination of poverty + LSD + motivated desperation may get me to complete sobriety by my 25th birthday (naturally, my 4-year alcoholic anniversary, occasional good-natured underage binge-drinking excluded).

Best of luck to all in your battles

(And as an aside, I wonder to myself, as a hapless city-dweller who longs to escape to the countryside .. What's worse? Living in urbanity, surrounded by liquor stores a quick stroll away, and street-corners littered with empty cans and homeless alcoholics? Or living safely away from the urban decay, where, as a result of the occasional inevitable moment of weakness, you stock up on liquor? (Or perhaps are even more depressed from the isolation/successful sobriety)?
The greatest boon to my sobriety (from drugs) has been a lack of supply, but conversely, stocking up on anything rather than just buying enough booze for the night ensures the addict in me will place moderation/conservation as a distant second, and more than one night of drunkenness shall ensue )

I guess the short version of my aside would read: "is Utah / Islamist Republics the Promised Land for recovering alcoholics, or simply a higher level of Hell?" :D
I guess my state falls in the middle for USA on alcohol restrictions, I can't say the limitations on liquor availability haven't helped me (marginally) avoid the hard stuff .. Though the extra resulting calories can't have done me any favors.

Us drug addicts/alcoholics should team up with the Religious Righties to repeal the 21st Amendment ... all-or-nothing, I say (as a Libertarian non-smoker)
 
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Mariposa-
I'm sad to read your last post......
I hope that things look up soon. <3
As far as your request for a 'Tell your story with Alcohol'/Introduction sort of thread- I think this would be just fine, and a good idea- To help separate a bit the stories and the support part of this thread......Though I think in this thread hearing someone story and history gives others a better understanding of the persons situations, which leads to better advice and support....... (so I am torn;))
If you would like to start this thread, please do.
If you meant something different and I am misunderstanding, let me know.

Red- How you doin' with Alcohol right now?

SF-Nice to see you on again!

theseeker-I hope things settle for you soon.....have you been checking out any other threads on anxiety/panic attacks? There are a number of them in TDS if you do a swearch-many with excellent advice and options for stress relief.
 
I drink almost every day, but I'm not sure that I have a "drinking problem." I usually drink to enhance the effects of other drugs, namely stimulants. Sometimes I drink to help me sleep after a binge. I rarely drink just for the effects of alcohol alone. In fact, when I don't have other drugs in my possession, I don't drink at all. However, I almost always have other drugs that I like to combine with alcohol. I wonder if I have a subtle addiction to alcohol, or if I'm just over-thinking this.
 
I am an alcoholic, i recently started drinking again, heavily, because of my breakup. This is costing me a job i adore and employers who adore me but had to give me a warning today because i am always late and today just didn't show up. This will kill me if i lose this job, i feel like the drink is going to cost me my life one day. How do you be a functional alcoholic? I can't handle not having structure in my life, i know it sounds lame but structure is what keeps all of the other broken pieces from absolutely crushing me and just giving up all together.
 
Mariposa you are inspirational, your story is one so familiar and sad as all of us in the same boat can relate to in one way or another and i'm proud of you for sharing your story and for now being sober <3 Stay strong lady!

(i forgot how dizzy double posting is with my av!)
 
Most people cannot be functional alcoholics. The ones who do seem to pull it off are the ones that really seem to keep their BAC at a fairly constant level around the clock, and their life just kind of "re-normalizes." But if you're drinking to forget, with a constant up-down-up-down, it's pretty much impossible. The life of a functioning alcoholic really does not include much "numb" or "up" time at all. It becomes pure maintenance to ward off WDs.

That's really sad to hear that you've fallen under again, trancegirlie. How long has this current drinking habit been going? I know it's like the worst idea ever, and one which seems like would lead to a sad and incomplete life, but you sound like a person who needs to go sober for good. Or choose to go out young and in bad shape. None of us want to see the latter, but trust me there are a number of us roughing out the former (or trying to come to terms with it) who will always be here to support you <3
 
This current heavy drinking stage has been going on for about a month, before then i was going good for a while, not completely sober but i felt like a had control. If there is such a thing? But heavy heavy as in a drank a 4 litre goon bag last night and a few beers, just last night. I was just so upset and wanted to numb, like you said.

I fucked up, im so scared i am going to lose my job im drinking strongbows to steady me. How contradicting can you get?

Thanks for your help redleader, on bluelight and especially in this thread you've been a contant help. I went away from bluelight for a while and i thought i had it together but it's so lovely this can still be my safe place.

I know i need to go totally sober but and there is always a but isn't there... i don't think i want to (how bad is that:() and my social environment is so alcohol orientated i feel like i would have to run away from everything. And i would just pick up and leave i really would but this job is what is keeping me here, i am doing so well and have these amazing opportunities ahead of me and i am fucking it up..

I wish this never ever started
 
trancegirle said:
I am an alcoholic, i recently started drinking again, heavily, because of my breakup. This is costing me a job i adore and employers who adore me but had to give me a warning today because i am always late and today just didn't show up. This will kill me if i lose this job, i feel like the drink is going to cost me my life one day. How do you be a functional alcoholic? I can't handle not having structure in my life, i know it sounds lame but structure is what keeps all of the other broken pieces from absolutely crushing me and just giving up all together.
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Oh honey, I am so sorry to hear you're going through this :(
*big hugs*
I know you're strong enough to quit. You've done it before and you can do it again. I just hope it doesn't come to the point of losing your job before you get to that moment of clarity.
Is there someone you can confide in at your work to tell them what's really going on?? If they know the truth they can help you.
You know I'm always here for a chat if you need to PM me okay??
You WILL get through this hun <3 <3 <3
 
^ Sorry to hear you're having a rough time trancie, *hugs*

I’m not doing that great either. I managed a sober Sunday (well alcohol-free, there was plenty of codeine involved) and lasted up to Monday evening. I had to do some grocery shopping on the way home from work and ended up spending my weekly budget on cask wine & whiskey instead. I’m not drunk throughout the day but have been drinking until passing out pretty much nightly for a couple of years now. I shudder to think what damage I’ve done to myself :(
 
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