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Alcoholism Thread V. ti martwonies

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LaserHosen said:
Oh, panic in paradise, it looks like I hadn't read your post properly. I was tired and didn't notice that you went because you had to.

I agree that AA isn't for everyone and there is more than one way to deal with alcoholism, and can only assume it's a similar thing with narcotics.

Sorry if it came across a bit preachy. :o
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nah, what ou said is true, all the meetings are the same basically, but there are a lot of small differences, expectations, and order of things that make a difference between each and every meeting, they are all different. when i would frequent na/aa meetings, there were some that had nothing of interest to me, and then there was my home meeting and other like minded groups. my home group was called 'spiritual tweakers' instead of seekers... they had a loud sense of humor about things and were a bit on the fly, behavior other groups would not tolerate, haha.
 
Went to a grocery store tonight at 11:30pm, which usually would be the time that I'd be rushing to buy up the booze before sales close at 12. But I just bought my grapefruit juice and v8, no booze! I actually walked down the booze aisle and stood in it for about 5 minutes just starring at everything. Very surreal.

I did have a craving earlier today, but it only lasted about 20 minutes. I forget even what triggered it. This gabapentin stuff I think is actually helping me with my cravings. So all is going well on the alcohol front (bar still a bit of appetite supression, intenstional discomfort and a desire to dry heave)!

Now we just have this little thing called xanax withdrawal that is kicking in exponentially and is going to make the alcohol part seem trivial. But I guess round 2 is always harder than round 1 8). Just got to keep telling myself that I will be free in a week. And I WILL be free in a week.
 
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Ah well done Redleader. Some people at AA say they have to give the booze aisle a wide berth in case they impulsively by some but I don't have a problem with looking at the bottles as I know the control's in my head.

You should work your way up to eating lots, even if you feel like you're pigging out. After the initial body shock of putting food into it again it might help with sleeping. I pigged out a bit and once my physical withdrawals were over I stared exercising a lot to get back into shape. I'm not sure if eating lots is compatible with the xanax withdrawals but your body is probably craving food instead of the dead calories it's used to from alcohol.
 
I have enough liquor to kill an elephant in my apartment, so I think it's just that fact that allowed me to go so easily shopping. I find that I drink most when I am not stocked up, and buying on a day-to-day basis, panicing if I didn't have enough in case some form of doom struck. But ya, I am probably going to dump my stash or give it away around the 2 week mark. Just for now, I know that my chances are, ironically, much better getting out of this sober if I keep my apartment full of booze. If that makes sense in a twisted way.
 
^ Completely makes sense. I have had to sanitize the home front more than a few times. Most temptation is more beatable if there are extra steps involved regarding acquisition of target and execution of plan.
 
I couldnt see AA working for me either. The thought of going to a place where people sit around in some hall where they talk about nothing but drinking doesent seem like something to keep my mind off alcohol. Thats always been the key for me try not to think about it as much as possible. Also at the first of it i can't be around people who drink or bars or anything like that.

Walking by the liquor store used to be horrible as well because id look at all the bottles of rum, whiskey, vodka and gin and think of all my favourite brands of booze. Id think wouldnt it be nice to get some white rum and make some margarita dacquires? Surely 1 or 2 wouldnt hurt :p .

Honestly as of late it's just brought back bad memories though. Even the smell of alcohol kinda makes me sick these days. My bro had spilled some rum in the kitchen last week and the smell almost made me fucking sick!

So i think that i have a fair shot of staying off now. I hope to god i never touch it again to be honest. It's one drug that has actually cost me too much.
 
I havent drank in almost 48 hours and I sweat a lot in my sleep and have minimal appetite. Also my body is sore and I feel tired from light exercise like walking up the stairs. I don't feel nauseous though so I take it my withdrawals aren't too bad.
 
^Just build yourself up to heavier exercise mate. And start eating if you can.

When I last detoxed myself I went swimming and the first couple of lengths of the pool felt like I was gonna drown I was so shaky and nervous. A month later I can smash out 50 lengths no problem.

Drinking alcoholically 24/7 does what you describe: stops you from eating and makes your body/mind fragile and useless.
 
First time in along time i want to get drunk. Im fed up with the lot of it here my whole situation sucks. But at the moment i can't do fuck all about it.

Right now id love a bottle of JD to forget all my problems. Maybe abit of blow to go with it.
 
^ I'm sorry your life's giving you problems. I do hope that you can keep this JD/blow session (if you do go through with it) to one night, though. We all need a day now and then to just throw in the towel and get comfort. Enjoy the high and I hope you feel better, but I hope you can keep it to a single episode!

I made it a week, and it's now day 8 of being sober. I've completely detoxed, with the first 3 days being really rough physically and emotionally, and the past few being the minor remaining symptoms fading away. I think I've finally recgained control of my digestive tract, and no longer feel any nausea or desire to vomit/dry heave! And that feel soo good. Hopefully today is the first day of week two, as well as the first day of a chain of future weeks sober!
 
@paranoid android: You might be just suffering from night-time blues. I can get melancholy at night sometimes and it's only when I realise that I need to sleep instead of boozing that I know how to fix it. It's hard to realise when you're in the midst of a depressive hour though.

@Redleader: Sounds like what I went through four weeks ago. I remember locking myself away from the world for three days and getting slowly detoxed: downing litres of water but not urinating for two days, nibbling on cereal bars as it was all the nutrition I could get into me, sweating and shaking, exhausted but couldn't sleep. It was rough man. I was fucked and just lay there, watching internet porn and shit TV as I couldn't go out and felt agoraphobic. Your emotions might take two or three week to stabilise but it's worth it if you're serious about giving up/regaining control of your drinking.
 
Ya, I've noticed that my emotions in the mornings and afternoons are improving somewhat, but at night I still fall apart (possibly worse than before, because I cannot numb the pain). I'm just trying to stay active/distracted, and shift so that I am going to bed earlier, minimising the time between when I complete my daily activites and am physically going to pass out. Pushing those "dark hours" toward zero.
 
Just ride those feelings out mate. Once you get sober properly you can decide if it's worth getting drunk again. Once you're sober you can get drunk for fun, like how it used to be. If you're thinking of getting drunk to numb pain that's no good.

If you decide not to drink again then that's fair enough but you've gotta make that decision with a clear head/heart.

Drinking for the wrong reasons, which I've done classically for years now, does no good.
 
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I actually stayed sober believe it or not. I fucking amazed myself. I was horribly depressed but it went away somewhat over the day. I also knew that since i wasent technically in a depressive episode but in a mixed state episode that getting drunk much less snorting coke or hitting the pipe with it would be a awful idea.

So i took my prescribed meds and rode it out. I don't get the blues during a specific time of day really and often i can be much worse when i wake up then at night. Though i must say being awake all night, completely alone and with no drugs at all is very fucking depressing sometimes. The night just drags on and on when your in a bad mood.

But ya i havent touched a drop so im proud of myself for that.

Good job redleader alcohol withdrawals are a bitch arent they? The physical part is bad but the mental part is the worst. I had these totally irrational fears for weeks after i quit. Id be afraid to go outside to have a smoke because i thought there might be someone lurking around.
 
I have been lurking and posting once in a while in tds for a while now. I have posted in this thread a few times. I'm attempting another kick of the boose after blowing my entire paycheck on a four day bender. When you're drunk, money seems that it is just paper, and while that is a nice way of thinking, not being able to even have enough money for food or cigarettes is really quite shit.

I'm on day 3 of no boose. The first 35-40 hours were hell but I'm on hour 72 now and I'm feeling better. I barely slept last night, but tonight I'm hoping will be better, I have an exam tommorrow and it would be unpleasant to go to it on little sleep and still experiencing minor withdrawls.

paranoid android, I have read many of your posts and I'm happy for you that you were able to skip the liquor store yesterday. Also good job to you red leader. I hope everyone else is keeping their drinking under control.

withdrawls are a bitch but I feel I'm on the downhill slope now. It's after the withdrawls that the real difficulty begins.
 
totally done withdrawls now but im so fucking bored

i told my boss id work a double tonight since its friday and i really dont want to get drunk but he said i wasn't needed...

i walked around downtown and read a book sitting on a patio at starbucks, but im home now and so bored... i might go checkout tarantino's new movie, but man i am bored :(
 
I'm so ready to give alcohol a significant rest. It has effected my health, my competence as a mod, my real life social stuff, my economic situation, etc, etc

I may give 12 step stuff a try, not as a commitment. I have a desire to quit drinking. I don't think I'd reveal I know a great deal about 12 step history, tradition, and some short comings. I'd be using the meetings to pass the time but interested in hearing about ppl's tactics. I'm much more confident and assertive than last time I attempted meetings, so I'll have no problem maintaining boundaries with people who tell me to get a sponsor or interrogate me about how I am working the program.
 
i didn't have much success with the 12 steps/AA stuff.
i'm just not the type of person that can accept that i'm "powerless" over anything.
i also struggled with the "higher power" thing that they throw in around step 3 or 4 i think....it's messed, because some people seemed to have no problem with it.
 
I noticed that I have a drinking problem, I can't just enjoy one drink. I always start drinking on my fifth drink, weather it comes first or last.
I'm fucking up a lot of friendships, and I'm supposed to be a positive example.
I always assumed that your college years were about drinking, and having fun.
I have got to stop this shit.
 
you and me both man. i couldnt keep my sobriety longer than 48 hours. im going to try again tomorrow and not drink on weekdays. if I cant controll it then I might consider going to my doctor to get some benzos to keep me comfortable
 
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