Alcoholism Thread V. ti martwonies

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I had my first drink when I was 12 or so , but I became a real bad alcoholic after I turned 21

I used to binge drink in my teens but I never drank everyday like I do now

Sometimes I just don't know what else to do with myself
 
I went to the doctor today and explained how I'm basically an alcoholic and need to stop but the withdrawls are terrible. He was completely understanding and a solid guy, he gave me 5 5mg valium and told me to come back in a few days.

I have eaten two and feel much more relaxed. I'm thinking I'll take one a day until they run out and see how I feel. Still feel pretty low but the anxiety has subsided.
 
Damn Charlie, have you tried that "anti-abuse" stuff?

and myles, was this your primary doctor, or some "doc-n-a-box" clinic?
 
My dad was a raging alcoholic for years. Finally kicked the habit because (surprise!) he had/s liver cancer, and got a liver transplant. One of the few who can probably say that (most people who drink away their livers are not given new ones). I've seen the damage first hand alcohol can do in the long term, and not even in obscene or large quantities. Simply a couple (2, 3, whatever) beers a day can destroy a person. Physically, mentally, socially, everything. It is not good. Not good.

Not just my father, but a large portion of my family I would consider alcoholics. Irish thing I guess.

A lot of people don't realize what it really turns you into: someone who is numb to everything around them. They see it as the safe drug (or not even a drug to some people), because its legal and the stigma attached to it is far less than those of other drugs, even if the tolls it takes are the same.

I did not drink once in high school as a result of my family: many of my friends are probably alcoholics already and barely 18, if that. I know a lot of people who have been drinking heavily since they were 14. To think of how their livers must look...The first time i ever truly drank was the past week actually, my second week in college. Held out for as long as I could. I'm definitely genetically predisposed to alcoholism and addiction in general most likely, which is why I tried to steer clear of alcohol for as long as possible. Its not a sight someone wants to be seeing, their father withering away when he just turns 50, needing chemo for months, having to have someone elses organ used to keep him alive. All because they couldn't put the bottle down.

Just a quick post in here its 4am and I have class tomorrow, but i have lots to say on the topic and hopefully I can help spread some knowledge. I"ll get more in tomorrow.

*arnold voice* "I'll be back."
 
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myles p, that's good to hear that you found a low-dose benzo to help you ride it out. I'd be surprised if you're not ready to dominate a large pizza (or your favorite food of choice) in 48 hours.

Thanks for your contribution, DooMMooD. Ironically enough, it's hearing accounts like this, either first-hand or from a relative/friend, that work the best on me. I really, really don't want to lose my liver (or my life) at a young age. Anyway, it's good to hear that your father got the liver and found sobriety. I hope all the best for him.
 
Doctors are usually okay if you are also involved with a drug and alcohol program. They won't think you're a bad person though! It really is a disease. Any person with an inch of empathy in them would think you are a good person for seeking help.
 
myles p, that's good to hear that you found a low-dose benzo to help you ride it out. I'd be surprised if you're not ready to dominate a large pizza (or your favorite food of choice) in 48 hours.

Thanks for your contribution, DooMMooD. Ironically enough, it's hearing accounts like this, either first-hand or from a relative/friend, that work the best on me. I really, really don't want to lose my liver (or my life) at a young age. Anyway, it's good to hear that your father got the liver and found sobriety. I hope all the best for him.

2 years so far man. If i ever caught him drinking again I think I'd kill him and rip the liver out myself. This one isn't his to fuck up, its not his, its someone else's. It was the most generous gift that can ever be given, albeit with strings attached.

He was one of 6,494 in the year 2007 to be given a new liver. Currently there are 15,949 people waiting for a liver; this is only those who actually make it on the list, not everyone who needs one. Basically, only those with money or great insurance. There are truly thousands more in need. Not great odds. He's lucky our insurance has paid for (almost) everything; they've easily covered upwards of $2.5 million dollars in chemo, surgeries, immuno-suppressant drugs, etc etc etc.

Like I said cant really be writing an essay now (though I may soon on the topic), gotta wake up in lookin like 4.5 hours now, but I definitely will be contributing. Alcohol doesn't get nearly enough negative publicity, at least in my opinion. I'm by no means saying that no one should ever drink, I simply wish people were more aware to the acute and chronic harm caused by alcohol.
 
I am just going to throw in here b/c there is some chatter in past posts here -
Please refrain from glorified talk about consuming drugs/alcohol in the present tense.
The purpose of this thread is discussion and support for alcoholism.
It can be triggering and offensive to discuss such things.
 
^ Good job. Take it hour-by-hour. I always liked following the 100 hour path - essentially 4 days. I'd count sober hours, and once I made it to 100 I knew I was on smooth sailing. Keep up the good effort!

I am just going to throw in here b/c there is some chatter in past posts here -
Please refrain from glorified talk about consuming drugs/alcohol in the present tense.
The purpose of this thread is discussion and support for alcoholism.
It can be triggering and offensive to discuss such things.

Ya guys. Not to come off as strict mods, but as ocean said, try not to get too casual/excited ITT while drunk. There are plenty of other places on BL to be excited about an intoxication, such as the Lounge or OD Social to name a few. This isn't directed at anyone in particular, just in true harm reduction spirit we need to minimise "triggers," and talking about having fun with alcohol is enough of a trigger for many people.

Too add, before we've encouraged hiding triggers behind NSFW tags. After a bit of pondering, we've kind of decided that NSFW tags can be just as tempting as anything, undermining the tag's purpose of hiding the trigger. So let us abandon that practice and just try and keep the theme about struggling with alcohol addiction, not enjoying the good parts of the roller coaster.

Thanks everyone =D
 
Doctors are usually okay if you are also involved with a drug and alcohol program. They won't think you're a bad person though! It really is a disease. Any person with an inch of empathy in them would think you are a good person for seeking help.

I have not found this to be so in the US.

I am not exactly a tongue-tied person. I've been able to talk to ONE doctor about my drinking without being threatened with inpatient (and this was years ago). The rest have just put me on meds saying "you can't drink on these more than a little" or worse yet - "if you think you have a problem, go to AA and see what they can do for you".

I am scared out of my wits of inpatient - I cannot afford to get into debt over it when I could just order Antabuse on the internet (a thought). I've also thought about naltrexone, but I've already cut to beer and cider and I take tramadol off-label for depression, so I'd have 2 fun forms of w/d to go through.

Antabuse has its own risks as well. Many people try out drinking on it and get to a threshold where they show the euphoria of alcohol without the considerable side effects of Antabuse.

For now I'm doing fine - minimal use and beer/cider only... and considering Ocsober. It will be hard as there are a lot of parties here in Oct. Hmmm.
 
^

When you say this:

Antabuse has its own risks as well. Many people try out drinking on it and get to a threshold where they show the euphoria of alcohol without the considerable side effects of Antabuse.

Do you think that people are drinking on top of the Antabuse because it's not effective enough in quelling cravings, or simply just "to see what would happen"?
 
I have a question for those of you struggling with this:

Alcoholism runs in my family, and so it's something I've always had in the back of my mind to watch out for. I've never had serious issues w\ alchohal, you know, I'll drink occaisonally like on the weekends with friends. I never drink alone.

Lately I've bumped my drinking up a LOT more (like 4-5 nights a week) pretty much just because of my surroundings (friends, roomates, neighbors all drink a lot)... it's all social and kept under control (by "control", I mean, I don't get positively shitfaced and blackout or do stupid stuff). I am a lightweight, it only takes me about 4 drinks to get drunk.

I guess I'm just worried that it COULD escalate to a problem... I understand that genetics are not on my side in this situation, but being around alcoholics my whole life, I can easily see the signs- I know that right now I am fine, I don't use alchohal to cope with problems or drink to excess... however, I also realise that alcholism doesn't happen overnight and that every addiction has a starting point.

To all of you: does alcoholism run in your family? when did you realise that you were drinking too much and how did it happen?? I just don't want to be lacksidasical and engage in behavior that could potientally cause addiction (although I understand that some degree of risk is there for everyone, no matter what your family history is).

BTW- Charlie, N3o, D's and the others... i wish you all luck <3 feel better.
 
TD4-
I would be careful.....yeah, alcoholism doesn't happen over night but it can happen pretty quickly.
It usually starts socially, then to help cope with problems, ( which you may not even be aware of doing) and then its on.
I too try to watch myself with alcohol b/c it runs in my family as well. I really don't drink....
BUT I have noticed that when I do, I think about it for a few days afterwards- thinking, wouldn't it be nice'......
I know you have alot going on with anxiety and all too so I don't think alcohol would help you out in that area either.....I mean, you might feel a little instant release, but it'll only return ten fold.
If its possible, I'd slow down or be VERY aware......
 
thanks ocean <3

regarding the anxiety\depression, that is pretty much gone for the most part. I know I talked it up like I was in hell (which it sure did feel like) but ive been really surprised at how quickly I bounced back. I know that drinking to cope with problems is not always obvious, but I really don't think that I do. Sometimes I might drink a little like if I'm nervous talking to a guy or something.. but as far as dealing w\ major problems or insecurities, I don't use drinking to deal w\ that.

I will keep an eye out for it though... thank you for the advice :D I'm actually going to the bar tonight for a friends bday, debating whether or not to go all out or just have a beer or two... I'm thinking it might be a good idea just to keep it low key tonight b\c getting in the habit of drinking on weeknights will fuck up my gpa for sure ;)
 
^ In your situation, what you need to watch out for is the physical element of alcohol creeping up behind your back. What I mean by this, is that when you go from drinking on weekends socially to drinking 4-5 nights a week, you introduce an "overlapping" effect for the drug in your system. Meaning that you are not giving yourself enough time to rid it from your system, regroup, and begin again (think of a hangover as a form of minor alcohol withdrawal, which it is). Again, alcohol is nearly as (physically) addictive as strong opiates, so it's not something you can "shake off" if you suddenly come to realize that you're pretty far down that road.

From your description, you seem like a social drinker who is socializing a lot. Nothing wrong with that, and based on you not drinking alone or feeling strong cravings for it, then you're ahead of a lot in the psychological regard. You just have to watch out for the physical element of the drinking, without your direct observation, cutting into the psychological. From your perspective, you'd likely mask this as a desire to socialize even more, given that socializing implies alcohol. So while a lot of us would be frank about "wanting a drink," you might "want to go to a party [so as to get a drink]," if that makes sense. All in all, focus on your cravings for socializing and partying and such. Ask why you want to do these things so frequently, and really assess if getting intoxicated plays a role in it all.

Everyone, to an extent, thinks about these things in college. Just because your friends drink a lot, don't figure that they might not think about these things too. Alcohol is the #1 way to escape/relax in college. Nearly everyone wants that in such a stressful setting. And given the stigmas and false impressions that our culture puts on alcohol, it forces people to become very isolated in their relationships to feelings about alcohol dependence. It's hard to open up about; you don't want to say the first word, out of fear that people will pass judgment of as you as "the drunk."

Concerning genetic alcoholism, I've always been adamant about the placebo effect of "it runs in my family" being stronger than the actual inherited traits. You are your own person. Just because your family is predisposed for it, does not mean that you have to get it; it's not like other objectively inherited diseases. Actually, that concern should IMO be dwarfed by the concern of not drinking too frequently so as to develop a dependency.

Since it seems like you've pretty much got the psychological element under control (you're not crying after drinking, drinking alone, etc.), I'd say keep it to 3 times a week spread-out in order to not develop a dangerous physical addiction. If you feel that you cannot do that, then it might be time to rethink it all. Again, for a lot of us, we didn't realise how physical it could all get until we were too far gone. And you don't want to go there. Trust me/us all. It's hell on Earth.

:) <3
 
^^^ I would add that alcohol is alot more physically addictive then strong opiates. Once you get hooked that is. Ive come off some pretty heavy opiate habits cold turkey and although it was hell alcohol withdrawals make it seem like a walk in the park.

As for genetic alcoholism im not so sure about it either. Most of my family are alcoholics but my mom and dad arent at all. Yet i was a raging alcoholic for years and i guess i still am a alcoholic. It even crept up on my brother for awile until he saw the signs early enough to cut it off and keep it to social occasions. Which is just as well because when he get's pisssed he's lucky if he can find the fucking door :X . Not to mention his legs are the first thing to go while with me thats the last thing to go. Unfortunatly my head is the first thing to go :( .
 
To all of you: does alcoholism run in your family? when did you realise that you were drinking too much and how did it happen?? I just don't want to be lacksidasical and engage in behavior that could potientally cause addiction (although I understand that some degree of risk is there for everyone, no matter what your family history is).

BTW- Charlie, N3o, D's and the others... i wish you all luck <3 feel better.

Thanks honey, we're here for you too okay? <3

Alcoholism runs in my family, on both sides. But they're all functional alcoholics (and now I am too) so it's really hard to spot. Only 1 relative, my dad's brother, is a reformed alcoholic. The rest continue to drink and are all very successful. I was extremely aware from a young-ish age (about 13 or 14?) that I would likely be predisposed to having problems with alcohol. It didn't stop me experimenting as a teenager, I regularly got completely shitfaced at parties from the age of about 15. But hey, didn't everyone do that? It wasn't really until I left home at the age of 17, and I was living on my own, that I realised "Hey I can drink whenever I want!". That, coupled with turning 18 (the legal drinking age here) and I was soon beginning to drink most nights of the week with friends at the pub. I was drinking perhaps 2 beers a night on weeknights MAXIMUM, then a few more on weekends. Nothing major right? Still, all the while very concious of the fact that alcohol could be a problem for me.

It happened SO GRADUALLY, over about 4 years, until one day I realised I was drinking every single day, and had been for the last 5 years or so, at least a 6-pack of beers or a bottle of wine during the week and a SHITLOAD more on weekends. Now, it's an on-going battle of trying to not drink through the week, then going all-out on weekends and drinking to excess, craving through the week, getting shitfaced the next weekend, slipping up and having a few beers during the week, slowly slipping back in to drinking every single day again, getting back in to the routine of not drinking through the week, and so the cycle continues.

So even though the whole time I was always extremely concious of my predisposition to alcoholism, it still happened to me. And like I said, it was so so gradual, by the time I realised/admitted what was going I was well and truly entrenched in the chasm that is alcoholism.

Be careful with your drinking TD, please keep in mind that it's more dangerous for women to drink to excess and the safe limits of alcohol consumption are much lower than for men. If you have any concerns, I'm always happy to chat okay? <3
 
"Hepatocellular carcinoma (HCC) is the third leading cause of cancer death worldwide primarily because of endemic hepatitis B in Africa and Asia. It is also the most rapidly increasing cause of cancer death in the United States due to increased numbers of patients with chronic hepatitis C, and migration from endemic areas." (1)

Hepatocellular Carcinoma is the primary form of liver cancer, usually as a result of cirrhosis of the liver, either by drinking or hepatitis. The survival rates for Hepatocellular Carcinoma (which I will hereon refer to as HCC) are extraordinarily low. One paper I have found written on the subject was in fact written by one of my father's (many) doctors, Dr Abby Siegel, Medical Director of Hepatobiliary Oncology at Columbia Presbyterian Medical Center in NYC. A link can be found here:

Treatment and outcomes of treating of hepatocellular carcinoma among Medicare recipients in the United States: A population-based study

If you don't read the paper, what the authors are basically saying is that without transplantation, you will die. The only methods listed as curative are transplantation, and surgical resection.

Surgical resection is rarely an option in HCC patients, due to many factors, such as number of tumors, as well as the fact that it is difficult to go chopping around someone's liver and keep them alive. It carries approximately a 60% 5 year survival rate.

Liver transplantation is, obviously, the removal of a sick liver and replacing it with a new one. While potentially curative in nearly all cases, it is the least likely choice for most people, due to costs, compatibility issues (incompatible histamine, blood types, etc) and most importantly, lack of organs; so remember everyone, sign your donor card! You don't need it once you pass and you could potentially save 6 people (heart, 2x lungs, 2x kidneys, liver, eyes, skin, etc). 15 year survival rate is approximately 60%. Liver transplantation is NOT an option if the cancer has metastasized.

Transcatheter arterial chemoembolization (TACE) is a form of chemo therapy where they insert a catheter through an artery in your leg and push it up into your liver to deliver chemotherapy in a much localized manner (father received many rounds of this both pre and post transplant). Aside from surgical resection and transplantation, it is the main form of treatment for HCC patients. It is NOT curative, and the survival time receiving only this treatment is about 2.5 years on average. It is mostly used to give people more time, or to slow/shrink tumors while waiting for transplantation. To quote the paper:

"Neither ablation nor TACE yielded prolonged survival (3 year survival was less than 10% )." (2)

So, as stated, basically if you get HCC, and don't get yourself a new liver quick, you are pretty much done for. There are however new and innovative surgeries and treatments that were not studied in the paper cryosurgery (however, this is only available to those in which resection is possible to begin with), as well as an innovative new form of radiation therapy, called Therasphere, in which tiny, microscopic, radioactive glass beads are fed into your body via catheter, in a way similar to TACE. These beads (in a nutshell) get lodged in the tumorous areas and are a more specific form of radiation treatment. Normal radiation is usually very difficult in HCC patients, as it carries with it a high risk of causing more issues in the liver.

Not trying to scare people, just trying to throw some information out there. Hopefully this info will give some of you that extra incentive to stay on the bandwagon. People, also, if you are concerned at all about the state of your liver, or feel pain there, jaundice, etc, PLEASE, GET YOURSELF CHECKED OUT RIGHT AWAY. Often times this disease is not found until it is too late for a transplant, surgery, or TACE to be effective. Liver pain and problems are not something that should be waited out, you should get into the nearest MRI as soon as possible.

I know a great deal about liver cancer (as well as some other cancers and maladies) so if anyone has any questions, please please please do NOT hesitate to ask. HCC is a terrible disease, deadly in most cases unless a transplant is undergone. Even then, the recipients life span is shortened. Strange to think my father has a 40% chance of being dead within 13 years.

Mods feel free to move this if you feel it would be better served elsewhere (such as the health section, etc). I'll see if I can copy and paste it anywhere, but please feel free to move this where it would be of better use. Looking to help out as many as I can. This is a serious illness.

(1) Moving targets in hepatocellular carcinoma: Hepatic progenitor cells as novel targets for tyrosine kinase inhibitors
Another paper written by Dr Abby Siegel. The paper actually referenced this quote from yet another source, which I will also give credit to:
El-Serag HB. Hepatocellular carcinoma: recent trends in the United States. Gastroenterology. 2004;127(5 Suppl 1):S27–34. [PubMed]

(2) Reference to the first link, just didn't want to put it again hah.
 
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