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H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist
Alcoholism Discussion Thread Version 6.0
- Thread starter tripnotyzm
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caseface99
Bluelight Crew
Exactly. You really have to want this, truly want it with heart and soul. I have never seen anybody get clean and stay clean that was doing it for any reason other than themselves. It's so sad... I have literally spoken with almost a dozen mothers and fathers who were alcoholics or drug addicts and trying to get sober for their kids - all of them have relapsed and fallen out of contact.
Just started posting - used to read on her about dope, now I've got 16 days without a drink. I was drinking straight whiskey from the time I got up to the time I went to bed for many years...all day hangovers...increasing blackouts... blah blah blah. The mind fack is creeping in now and even worse, general anxiety. Very uncomfortable being stuck in my head - with actual thoughts and worries when I'm not 'comfortably numb' and I don't like it... :/ I made an appt for counseling that was to be in 2 weeks and I called in to wait list for something sooner and got in tomorrow! I feel like I am constantly furrowing my brow in stress right now and I don't know how do process it except to plan for everything to turn out alright and keep plugging along. This is miraculous not only to get one day sober but this many... haven't even skipped a day in 20 years! And it would be very bad if I start up again!
I'm trying to moderate nights and weekends with pot (but it just doesn't feel the same as alcohol!) and took a half a kpin this morning (only have 14 of those tho) - already ate all of the hydrocodones over the years so they're not a temptation now... I know a lot of people think all or nothing with sobriety, but I need a vice and I'm not working the program so this is helping so far. I hate the idea of not drinking again - that;s why the program didn't work for me 20 years ago, I think - I love the good days of drinking (when bad things don't happen) but I have used up my right to drink and have to accept that I just can't do it..... <whines in self pitty>
It does help to read other people's stories, success, failures and questions... nice to have these threads here!!
I'm trying to moderate nights and weekends with pot (but it just doesn't feel the same as alcohol!) and took a half a kpin this morning (only have 14 of those tho) - already ate all of the hydrocodones over the years so they're not a temptation now... I know a lot of people think all or nothing with sobriety, but I need a vice and I'm not working the program so this is helping so far. I hate the idea of not drinking again - that;s why the program didn't work for me 20 years ago, I think - I love the good days of drinking (when bad things don't happen) but I have used up my right to drink and have to accept that I just can't do it..... <whines in self pitty>
It does help to read other people's stories, success, failures and questions... nice to have these threads here!!
GenericName12
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 5, 2013
- Messages
- 192
yes!
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
I have to stop drinking and yet I can't be bothered going through the pain all over again as it's bad enough dealing with depression and anxiety issues.
At present I've become a worse alcoholic then the people who I labelled many years ago as being that. I could used to go 5 days no worries without a drink, now just 1 day is very hard. I usually end up drinking 12 - 24 drinks a day, yesterday was the big day of drinking - went to a park and sat in the car park, downed 12 beers, then went and got 8 pre mixed vodkas, then another beer and then 3 bourbon and cokes. All of this whilst driving at some point from one location to another. At the end of the night I fell asleep in my car up the road as I didn't want anyone at home to see me drunk. So I woke up 2 hours later and got home.
I have had 2 accidents already related to drink driving in the last year and thankfully I didn't hit another driving car both times otherwise I would be without a license, instead I hit a sign / barrier. Both times I bullshitted to family and said someone backed into me. I guess that's my lying abilities working at its best.
I have lost a drive to do things I once used to enjoy doing, ambition gone but I still try to some extent to push through this process. More importantly I have lost my self...
My work has suffered and I have been working from home unmotivated to do what I am meant to, to get paid and get myself further in life. I've worked so hard to get to where I am and yet the booze tastes better than a reality I've worked so hard for.
I have tried AA with not much luck, have been to many sessions, I am seeing a psych and still I feel as if that's not the solution yet in the past was open to it.
Does it get better?
At present I've become a worse alcoholic then the people who I labelled many years ago as being that. I could used to go 5 days no worries without a drink, now just 1 day is very hard. I usually end up drinking 12 - 24 drinks a day, yesterday was the big day of drinking - went to a park and sat in the car park, downed 12 beers, then went and got 8 pre mixed vodkas, then another beer and then 3 bourbon and cokes. All of this whilst driving at some point from one location to another. At the end of the night I fell asleep in my car up the road as I didn't want anyone at home to see me drunk. So I woke up 2 hours later and got home.
I have had 2 accidents already related to drink driving in the last year and thankfully I didn't hit another driving car both times otherwise I would be without a license, instead I hit a sign / barrier. Both times I bullshitted to family and said someone backed into me. I guess that's my lying abilities working at its best.
I have lost a drive to do things I once used to enjoy doing, ambition gone but I still try to some extent to push through this process. More importantly I have lost my self...
My work has suffered and I have been working from home unmotivated to do what I am meant to, to get paid and get myself further in life. I've worked so hard to get to where I am and yet the booze tastes better than a reality I've worked so hard for.
I have tried AA with not much luck, have been to many sessions, I am seeing a psych and still I feel as if that's not the solution yet in the past was open to it.
Does it get better?
Maya
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2013
- Messages
- 7,310
It does get better, but you always have to remember that it's all in our minds, if you are willing to fight it, you will be successful but if you keep doing the same routine not even trying to get rid of it then you will always fall back.
weekend addiction
Bluelighter
^Word. Tommorow morning will be hard. No drink and almost out of kratom. I will probably sleep a lot I don't know. Its a day off work and a day off means drunk to me (responsibly) and if I cant do that I don't know what to do.
Be strong guys - I 'm very sneaky and husband was gone for 10 hours yesterday from our home office... my mind was tripping on everything that I could do... I didn't take any available pills or touch a drink! But I did watch porn to the point of disrupting work I needed to do but at least it wasn't a chemical!!!
Eveleivibe
Ex-Bluelighter
You're all doing ace!!!! Keep going.
went to hospital again, and ofcourse the first thing i do is start right back up again. I woke up this morning with almost a whole half gallon, so ofcourse theres no reason to not start right back up again. at least im pacing myself better today
ad lib
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 9, 2013
- Messages
- 4,317
tennant90
Bluelighter
I spent 25 days last month sober. I did it because I spent way to much over the holiday season and just wanted to redeem myself. Plus it's been years since I took a month off drink.
The month went well. The first week was fine, it was the second week that got me. Towards the end I actually got used to going to bars and pubs and not having a drink to socialise. I felt more comfortable in my own skin. Also I could manage my feelings easier. For instance, I work in a kitchen and it can be very stressful at times but I found myself gaining control of my anger and I really do believe it was the lack of drinking that did this for me. Not only that but I had money. All the time. I spent it on things I needed and still saved at least 60 quid a week after buying food, paying rent, and buying a few books ( I like to read).
The End of the month I went out with mates. Ended up spending over 100 quid and my self control went out the window. Thursday night I got too drunk and was upset because the girl I liked rejected me and my emotions ran high. I smashed my phone and started shouting in the street. Yesterday hangover was a pretty bad one.
I start a new job next week and will be getting paid monthly rather than weekly. I'm going to go the rest of this month without alcohol again. If I can gain control a bit more over my drinking and spend a few more months this year going off drinking for prolonged periods at a time I would have made a massive change to my life. Hopefully in the future I can look back and thank myself when I save up enough to travel. In my experience, alcohol only holds me back financially. I love drinking and the social benefits that come with it but I know for sure that I can't trust myself.
The month went well. The first week was fine, it was the second week that got me. Towards the end I actually got used to going to bars and pubs and not having a drink to socialise. I felt more comfortable in my own skin. Also I could manage my feelings easier. For instance, I work in a kitchen and it can be very stressful at times but I found myself gaining control of my anger and I really do believe it was the lack of drinking that did this for me. Not only that but I had money. All the time. I spent it on things I needed and still saved at least 60 quid a week after buying food, paying rent, and buying a few books ( I like to read).
The End of the month I went out with mates. Ended up spending over 100 quid and my self control went out the window. Thursday night I got too drunk and was upset because the girl I liked rejected me and my emotions ran high. I smashed my phone and started shouting in the street. Yesterday hangover was a pretty bad one.
I start a new job next week and will be getting paid monthly rather than weekly. I'm going to go the rest of this month without alcohol again. If I can gain control a bit more over my drinking and spend a few more months this year going off drinking for prolonged periods at a time I would have made a massive change to my life. Hopefully in the future I can look back and thank myself when I save up enough to travel. In my experience, alcohol only holds me back financially. I love drinking and the social benefits that come with it but I know for sure that I can't trust myself.
Maya
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2013
- Messages
- 7,310
I understand, alcohol has been my best bud for years, the only substance that was able to get it's claws on me really tight and shoving it away was the last thing I wanted to do. But if you are patient enough you'll see the benefits of quitting it or in the future taking in moderation. Mine is mostly healthwise and sanity that and not feeling bad about wasting so much money on alcohol
junegreenjeans
Bluelighter
That is up to you. Your writing and sharing so this is good right? Yes it is.
Sorry your struggling but I have to guess, your doing things to improve your situation, fall backs n'all. You've gone to meetings, are seeing a psych and must house a healthy love of your self because if you did not, you wouldn't be taking steps to a healthier you. Do you have people around you can confide in or do you hide/lie to them to save them from your grief?
Don't.
If ever there was a time to share, now is it. Perhaps by allowing the truths of your struggles out, the weight will not be so severe. Lean on them. They'll WANT to help you. You shouldn't do this alone.
Try buying some non alcoholic stuff, seriously, it can help. Every second bottle or can, drink the non alcohol stuff to balance out the effects. Sometimes it's the ritual of opening the bottle or can that we must feed. May seem lame but might help.
My sweetheart is an alcoholic. When he's had a few too many, he can't even tell the difference between the 5.5 and the 0.5 cans of beer and he can keep on swilling without getting over the top inebriated.
You can do this. Your already better. best wished man and stay bright
I realized this morning that I need to learn new coping/processing skills...... I don't know how not to drink.... for 20+ years, my life has revolved around drinking. I drink to kill time, drink when bored, nervous, excited, worried, etc. Everything was about planning the next drink or buying the next bottle... I even got to the point of drinking little airline bottles in bathrooms when away from home - and I have never flown on a plane sober in my adult life. So, yes, I haven't had a drink in 22 days, which is awesomely great, but I'm just not drinking at the moment.... still need to learn how to cope with the day without drinking..... I did start therapy but once a week isn't quite enough at this point..... I don't feel close to relapsing yet but just quitting drinking isn't a magic cure for everything else... it's just the first step.
They are very wise words IMO, being free of a damaging addiction is unlikely to be a silver bullet for all of anyone’s problems but you're going to be in much better shape to start working on them.
I'm pretty sure that for many people with substance abuse issues, ( I don't really differentiate alcohol addictions from anything else in this respect ) carry other underlying problems that will have contributed to the addiction in the first place. Those problems won’t be resolved by ceasing the substance abuse so to stay strong and avoid relapse it's going to be vital to start dealing with those underlying problems.
Whether or not you consider addiction a disease, the pattern of behaviour that some enter into when addiction occurs as a result of psychological issues, persistent relapse or exchanging one addiction for another have all the hallmarks of a disease.
Best wishes to all
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