Saturnstarship
Greenlighter
- Joined
- May 27, 2017
- Messages
- 4
Hello, I'm new to these forums, let me start off with a little background. Sorry this post is going to be long.
I am having some issues. I have severe social anxiety and paranoia. I have a paranoia that people think I am gay (even though i'm not). Well I have social anxiety so bad I can't even look people into the eyes and sometimes I look down while talking to them and I feel like people think I am staring at their crotch. So I try my hardest to look people directly in the eyes but I can't. To combat these paranoid thoughts I drink alcohol when I am around people.
I have tried a lot for anxiety. Benzos help but I don't want to go that route because of addiction. Phenibut worked great, but I was dosing huge amounts and when I ran out I had a terrible time. Alcohol seems to work the best. But the hangover sucks and I can't drink at work. I smoke weed to sleep and sometimes with friends and that makes my anxiety terrible, unless I drink first. I have been taking Adderall for a long time too, mostly recreationally.
I used to be prescribed Adderall because I convinced my doctor it got rid of my social anxiety. It did actually for a little while. But then after every day of theurapetic use, every time I took it I felt like a cracked out mess and when the come down hit I hid from people because I felt so terrible and couldn't look people in the eyes. I got rid of the prescription. But I still do them when I drink.
My routine is like this:
Go hang with friends. Anxiety kicks in. Drink alcohol until I get numb and the anxiety goes away and I can look people in the eyes. Then when I drink enough I start craving Adderall really bad. So I do one (intranasal). Now i'm drunk and speeding. I don't have anxiety because the alcohol but now I am chain smoking cigarettes and sipping on caffeine because Adderall makes me crave those. I keep drinking to keep the anxiety down from the Adderall. End up usually drinking 3-5 shooter shots of whiskey and at least 3 beers to lessen the comedown and keep anxiety at bay, every single time I go out. I come down anyway and end up laying in my bed for hours regretting taking the adderall. I go to sleep and wake up feeling absolutely horrible. Massive hangover, depression, and anxiety, asking myself why I keep doing this.
I keep doing this to myself. I only like Adderall because it makes me feel good for the first two hours. I only really crave Adderall when I am drinking. I only drink if I know I am going to be hanging out with someone. I usually take Adderall 2-3 times a week, when I am hanging out with friends.
I've been going through this cycle for years now. I've had anxiety all my life but it never got this bad until I started taking adderall, and I used to trip a lot off lsd, and I think it contributed and gave me slight signs of schizophrenia. I ran a few cycles of prohormone's 3-4 years ago and I think low testosterone levels are contributing to my anxiety too.
I've tried reaching out to my psychiatrist and he says it's all in my head and he will only prescribe me anti depressants. Ive tried those and they did nothing for my anxiety, unless I drank alcohol. They made me crave alcohol more then anything I've ever taken. When I was on ssris I would drink between 5 and 10 shooter shots of whiskey every single day. And I mean every single day. Did that for months straight and started blacking out. Since the ssri didn't do me any good I quit that.
I feel like I'm going crazy, possibly developing schizophrenia. Constant hangovers, anxiety, paranoia, and Adderall crashes are draining me and making me question how sane I am. I don't think I have an alcohol problem, because I can go weeks without drinking if I become a hermit and lock myself inside. I use alcohol to feel comfortable in front of people. But alcohol makes me want to do other drugs, hence the Adderall problem.
I want to be able to go out without feeling like I need to drink a beer to be comfortable. And I want to leave Adderall in the dust. I don't know what to do next though. I am considering trying gabapentin. Seems like my anxiety is a gabaergic issue.
I am having a really difficult time facing the world. If anyone has any suggestions for getting rid of these thoughts or you feel like we have similarities please share. I have nobody to talk to this about. If you have suggestions on stopping Adderall please share. Feel free to ask me any questions.
Sorry for the extremely long post. If you took the time to read this then thank you.
I am having some issues. I have severe social anxiety and paranoia. I have a paranoia that people think I am gay (even though i'm not). Well I have social anxiety so bad I can't even look people into the eyes and sometimes I look down while talking to them and I feel like people think I am staring at their crotch. So I try my hardest to look people directly in the eyes but I can't. To combat these paranoid thoughts I drink alcohol when I am around people.
I have tried a lot for anxiety. Benzos help but I don't want to go that route because of addiction. Phenibut worked great, but I was dosing huge amounts and when I ran out I had a terrible time. Alcohol seems to work the best. But the hangover sucks and I can't drink at work. I smoke weed to sleep and sometimes with friends and that makes my anxiety terrible, unless I drink first. I have been taking Adderall for a long time too, mostly recreationally.
I used to be prescribed Adderall because I convinced my doctor it got rid of my social anxiety. It did actually for a little while. But then after every day of theurapetic use, every time I took it I felt like a cracked out mess and when the come down hit I hid from people because I felt so terrible and couldn't look people in the eyes. I got rid of the prescription. But I still do them when I drink.
My routine is like this:
Go hang with friends. Anxiety kicks in. Drink alcohol until I get numb and the anxiety goes away and I can look people in the eyes. Then when I drink enough I start craving Adderall really bad. So I do one (intranasal). Now i'm drunk and speeding. I don't have anxiety because the alcohol but now I am chain smoking cigarettes and sipping on caffeine because Adderall makes me crave those. I keep drinking to keep the anxiety down from the Adderall. End up usually drinking 3-5 shooter shots of whiskey and at least 3 beers to lessen the comedown and keep anxiety at bay, every single time I go out. I come down anyway and end up laying in my bed for hours regretting taking the adderall. I go to sleep and wake up feeling absolutely horrible. Massive hangover, depression, and anxiety, asking myself why I keep doing this.
I keep doing this to myself. I only like Adderall because it makes me feel good for the first two hours. I only really crave Adderall when I am drinking. I only drink if I know I am going to be hanging out with someone. I usually take Adderall 2-3 times a week, when I am hanging out with friends.
I've been going through this cycle for years now. I've had anxiety all my life but it never got this bad until I started taking adderall, and I used to trip a lot off lsd, and I think it contributed and gave me slight signs of schizophrenia. I ran a few cycles of prohormone's 3-4 years ago and I think low testosterone levels are contributing to my anxiety too.
I've tried reaching out to my psychiatrist and he says it's all in my head and he will only prescribe me anti depressants. Ive tried those and they did nothing for my anxiety, unless I drank alcohol. They made me crave alcohol more then anything I've ever taken. When I was on ssris I would drink between 5 and 10 shooter shots of whiskey every single day. And I mean every single day. Did that for months straight and started blacking out. Since the ssri didn't do me any good I quit that.
I feel like I'm going crazy, possibly developing schizophrenia. Constant hangovers, anxiety, paranoia, and Adderall crashes are draining me and making me question how sane I am. I don't think I have an alcohol problem, because I can go weeks without drinking if I become a hermit and lock myself inside. I use alcohol to feel comfortable in front of people. But alcohol makes me want to do other drugs, hence the Adderall problem.
I want to be able to go out without feeling like I need to drink a beer to be comfortable. And I want to leave Adderall in the dust. I don't know what to do next though. I am considering trying gabapentin. Seems like my anxiety is a gabaergic issue.
I am having a really difficult time facing the world. If anyone has any suggestions for getting rid of these thoughts or you feel like we have similarities please share. I have nobody to talk to this about. If you have suggestions on stopping Adderall please share. Feel free to ask me any questions.
Sorry for the extremely long post. If you took the time to read this then thank you.