Heroin Advice opioid maintenence/recovering from overdose

[Sashaa]

Hey, hope everyone is keeping well. I was just hoping for some advice.

I've been using heroin (IV) for about the last 8 months, and oxys and codeine before that. I realised I had a problem around the start of the year, and since then have managed to bring my habit down from 3 or 4 shots a day to maybe two or three days a fortnight. I find the most I can go through is about two weeks before the cravings start to really get on top of me and I end up using.

I guess my goal was to just keep trying to stop using, get a job, keep busy, keep seeing my psychologist, and see if I could extend that two weeks to three, than a month, and so on. But I'm in a bad place now cos I used again late last week and I'm lucky to still be here. I shot as per usual, didn't think I used that much, and my partner told me I was out within a few minutes. I was just super lucky my partner was able to administer the narcan, and gave me CPR for about ten minutes cos I stopped responding and wasn't breathing. I came too just as the paramedics and cops were coming into my room. It was like flicking a switch, one minute I was shooting up, the next I was almost dead. Hectic. The cops said they had been a spike in overdoses in Sydney recently, probably due to a massive heroin shortage due to Covid leading dealers to cut their supply with all sorts of other shit. In general heroin in Australia has avoided the fent problem elsewhere, not saying this was cut with fent, but possibly something else.

I feel especially bad for my partner. I can't imagine how traumatic and horrific saving your girlfriend from an OD would feel. When were in bed together a few days later my partner said all they could see when they closed their eyes was trying to pump my lifeless body full of oxygen desperately waiting for the paramedics to arrive. I'm so in love, and I know if I keep using I'll lose this relationship that's so wonderful and supportive, and fair enough too I think.

I think despite this being a big wake up call, I'm worried that whatever I'm doing hasn't been enough and I'm worried in another couple of weeks I'll start getting intense cravings again, and risk relapsing. A few people have suggested I go on methadone or bupe, I thought about it earlier this year but really wanted to try and kick heroin without it. I had read some stories from people who had gone on methadone or bupe after less than a year's use (like me) and now really regret it because they're both strong opioids and they're hard to get off.

I was just wondering if anyone had any advice or even a bit of support? I feel like shit and a total idiot for what I've done, obviously I didn't mean to OD but I feel so so guilty for the trauma I've left on the people that love me. I feel like a ghost at the moment, I've cheated death and been given a second chance and I need to make the most of it. I feel the best way I can make it up to them is by never doing it again, which would mean really kicking heroin. I'm seeing a doctor tomorrow about it, and I'm pretty scared to be honest. Any suggestions greatly appreciated, thanks heaps everyone

 

[Branggen]

Be thankful you don't start getting getting sick hours after a shot and always needing one, it ends up that way. You are still under a year of use and take breaks which is a really great thing, something I would take advantage of. Good luck and let me know if you need help with anything.

I went on suboxone with less than a year addiction and eventually moved through to methadone, pretty much using heroin throughout, the methadone dose always going up, over about 5 years. Took 2 years to taper down, 2 pretty painful years. Just finished the taper last week and I still have a long way to go, things to re learn.

I never overdosed but coming out of that dark place of suffering and repetition, and feeling all the feelings I forgot existed makes me want to live life to the fullest as well.

 

[nznity]

@JessFR i think you're te right person to give her some advice xp

 

[JessFR]

@JessFR i think you're te right person to give her some advice xp

Am I the resident heroin addiction/recovery expert? Or the resident heroin recovery expert for Australia?

Be thankful you don't start getting getting sick hours after a shot and always needing one, it ends up that way. You are still under a year of use and take breaks which is a really great thing, something I would take advantage of. Good luck and let me know if you need help with anything.

This really can't be overstated. I understand how amazingly powerful heroin cravings can be, I certainly don't wanna downplay that. But in my experience it's nothing compared to the power of withdrawal to cause you to do things you'd never otherwise have done, never otherwise have thought yourself capable of even.

I was in a similar position to you, in a relationship with the only man I've ever loved. Also in Sydney. Although I wasn't just addicted, but also dependent. And sadly in the end my habit cost me that relationship. It cost me a great many things, but that was definitely the worst.

Like you, to a large degree I knew at the time that if I didn't stop I would inevitably wind up losing him. But I was both addicted and dependent, and in the end I wasn't able to stop.

In the end, a couple years after I lost him, I was homeless, begging on the street everyday, stealing and prostituting myself. Eventually I was able to finally stop heroin by committing to get onto methadone. And it worked, the methadone probably saved my life, it stopped the withdrawal, kept the cravings under control, and I left Sydney and my using friends behind. That was a couple years ago.

I really hope you are able to escape before things get as bad as they did for me.

Methadone is what finally allowed me to get off heroin, but what was the right option for me isn't going to be the right option for everyone. It was the right option to me because I was dependent and I refused to stop heroin if I had to go through withdrawal. I'd been through withdrawal god knows how many times, and I just wasn't willing to do it.

If you feel you can get off heroin without methadone or subuxone, that would probably be better. You could try going to NA for support. I've been to many Sydney NA meetings at various times (specifically in the western suburbs) and I found them quite supportive. But like methadone and subuxone, they aren't for everyone. Not everyone can tolerate the spiritual component of 12 step fellowships.

If you're going for total abstinence though, it can be a good option to get support.

Subuxone and methadone can be great options when abstinence just isn't a realistic option, but in your case, since you're apparently not opioid dependent yet, it would probably be better to go for abstinence and get support to help you do it.

But in the end, the goal here is to get your using under control, to prevent you losing your relationship and going down the horrible path heroin leads you on. Subuxone and methadone will cause you to eventually become opioid dependent if you're not already, and they are far from perfect solutions, but they are still better than the alternative if the alternative is winding up the way I did.

So yeah, I wish you well, and if you ever wanna talk or anything you're welcome to message me if you like. But that's my suggestion, try for abstinence, get social support from groups like NA. Avoid subuxone or methadone because they will cause you to become dependent when you aren't already.

But, if you find you can't stop through will power alone, and understand that not everybody can, I couldn't, maintenance therapy is still better than a heroin habit in the long run, It sounds like your habit is still in a relatively early stage, so for that reason, if you did get on maintenance therapy, I'd strongly recommend starting with subuxone over methadone. It's my experience and opinion that methadone is better when you have a heavy dependence. Subuxone is better otherwise.

Good luck. And sorry for such a long reply.

 

[Sashaa]

Thanks so much everyone for the replies. I really appreciate the advice and support!

I went and saw my GP yesterday and I got on bupe the same day. 4mg Subutex, that I can increase every day by 2mg but I'm gonna try and stick with 4mg. Just to clarify on the physical side of things I'd say my physical opioid dependence is pretty mild, but I definitely hit a point where after using every day for several months I'd get pretty sick before a shot, and was mostly using to avoid the withdrawals. It's pretty horrible hey, those endless restless legs drove me nuts. Can't imagine how shit it must feel for people with more hectic longer term habits. I've been physically dependent on xanax as well beforehand which was also really unpleasant. But I found with heroin even when I could take a break I'd find that even after having a week or so off, if I went back on even for only three or days a row that seemed to be enough to make me a bit sick afterwards. But people are right that I'm a lot more mentally addicted to heroin than I am physically.

At the moment I feel pretty good. For the first time since maybe August last year I feel more in control and I have hope that I can beat this and get out of the heroin trap. I think people are right when they said I'm at like the first line so I really respect people saying that and believe me I hear you, despite how amazing heroin can feel I know it's a path that just leads to more misery, heartache, pain and so many other shit things. For this reason abstinence is where I want to end up, it's just been a lot tougher than I imagined it would be. I went to NA a few times, it was ok, I would have gone back but since lockdown all the meetings are online and it's just not the same. I went to the LGBT one because I felt more comfortable there as a gay woman, it's great that they have that option and to hear other people with similar stories.

I know it's only been two days but the best thing I'm finding with the subutux atm is that my cravings are not nearly as bad. I used to think about heroin pretty much all the time, but now I'm finding I can go a lot longer without craving it. Am really hoping that continues! Especially after a week or so which is when I found I would start to crave heroin the most. I understand that it's totally possible that I'll regret this later down the track when I'm struggling to get off bupe, but at the moment all I want to focus on is staying alive, keep my relationship intact and not overdose. And the subs are helping with that so that's good.

I've started to open up to my close friends more so I've got some good supports around me, going to look for a job and hopefully with lockdown easing up I can start to go out more and do some sport and other stuff to keep me occupied. Just trying to take it one day at a time. Again really appreciate people taking the time out to reply to me and share their stories, I've read everyone's messages and I'm listening to what you're all saying. I took my partner out to dinner last night and it was really beautiful, getting that close to death has made me take the time out to appreciate what I love about life and most importantly what I love about the people I'm close to and my community. Maybe this is a bit weird to say but it's like that shot of naloxone didn't just bring me back to life, but it's brought me back to living, remembering what I love and who I want to be. I've been so depressed and was drifting into a really horrible place. Things are looking up, thanks heaps bluelight crew for your support peace xx

 

[nznity]

Am I the resident heroin addiction/recovery expert? Or the resident heroin recovery expert for Australia?

Haha both at the same time i think haha