. I have always been a misfit, and one to think outside the box, but I have made enormous progression throughout the last couple years and it doesn't seem to be letting up. I'm sure I have a very long way to go but I have come to many realizations concerning the nature of reality that I know the majority of people go through life never being aware of. I realize that I create everything with my own mind, and I have been dedicating my life recently to understanding how my mind works. I wish to quiet my mind, and reach a level of awareness to the point that I can experience what exists onwards after I die and my thoughts and sensory information disappear.
I am very humble but I must say that I am well advanced beyond my age. Of all the great many people I have met, I have only met a few who I see eye to eye with. I've noticed that I have a great eye for noticing them and I connect with other spiritual beings very quickly. I have met them occasionally through yoga, or through physics, and that's pretty much it. I'm doing quite well for myself and already have a degree in Engineering Physics from a great school. For a while I was really influenced by how reality can be described in terms of mathematics, but not so much anymore. It isn't really the way for me.
Psychedelics have been a major influence in helping me along my way. Mushrooms opened my eyes to a whole new world and they were pretty much the start of it all. MDMA taught me how to love. Recently I have been experimenting with LSD, after years of preparation, and it blew all my other drug experiences out of the water. It's not like I woke up a changed man. Acid triggered a months-long journey of accelerated progression, I did it all myself and it was a little overwhelming but I'm getting through it all right.
My lifestyle is superb. I am deeply into yin yoga as well as eastern thought at the moment, and I'm in it for life. I work out daily and eat like a king, all healthy food. I was abusing alcohol for a while but I've known for a long time that it is the most harmful drug in existence. I really believe that is why there seem to be so many people in this world with such low levels of awareness. Everyone seems to love drinking. Well, a lot of people just seem to live overall unhealthy lifestyles I guess. Fast food and all that shit. Not me, I am doing my best to get the most out of life these days.
I have read books on buddhism, taoism, and currently I am reading one called The Serpent Power by Sir John Woodroofe about kundalini yoga and it's pretty much hardcore Hinduism I guess. It is not an easy read but quite enlightening. I have read books on hippie culture, and Be Here Now by Ram Dass. I have read The Perennial Philosophy, Heaven and Hell, and Island, all by the brilliant Aldous Huxley. If you guys have any reading suggestions for me I'd love to hear them.
Being a middle class westerner, it is difficult to suffer in these parts, but I have certainly managed to do so at times. I recently completed a part of my journey where I suffered immensely. It revolved around marijuana addiction. It took great courage to admit this to myself because I had developed my whole social identity around the substance, but it was making me extremely lonely among other things. It was weakening my mind severely. Marijuana does not seem to usually have such a negative effect on people but it truly ruined a good few years of my life, where I lost everything. I am wondering, people, is it common for those on the spiritual path to encounter immense loneliness and suffering at times? I feel now, since I quit blazing recently, that it was meant to be. I definately came to a lot of insights from being chronically stoned too. Presently I feel more alive than I've ever felt in my life.
My parents are police officers which has put a strange twist on things. Right now I am not on speaking terms with them because they simply have never understood me at all. It is extremely frustrating. They see me as a burnout, they despise drugs and it's ruined my relationship with them, yet they have no problem with me getting drunk as fuck, which is the only drug that I have seen as a vice in my life. Typical commoners.
I have known for quite some time that I am well advanced beyond my family and most friends. I am wondering, how the hell are people so unaware? How can people just go to church like zombies and be all egotistical about it and see themselves as spiritually progressed while they have never even thought outside the box? I was punished for quitting church as a kid. How do people go out every weekend getting wasted as fuck, acting like total sloths, fuck randoms, wake up hung over as shit and are cool with doing that again and again? I despise that way of life and I was once there but I have completely changed my ways. And it hasn't been long so I expect even more progression as my body heals from the wounds my past mistakes have created.
I feel like I need to be surrounded by likeminded people, but they seem to be so rare here. How can I go about finding them other than through yoga? Since yoga has been capitalised on by westerers and turned into exercise, it is difficult to find people who really know what it's all about. And I don't hang around anyone who uses psychs at all really, most of my friends see me as a lunatic. They even told my parents I did acid they were so worried about me. These people are alcoholics, burning out all the time and have no business being concerned about my spiritual adventures. However, as I said I'm really trying to be humble. I will smile and show compassion to everyone. I just get frustrated sometimes with it all.
Maybe I just need to accept being alone. I'm really not lonely at all in my own company as I'm constantly analyzing my reality, or keeping myself busy through healthy activities. My dream is to meet a likeminded woman and I believe that the universe tends to unfold as it should and this might happen soon. I'd like to raise a kid with this same kind of mentality, there arn't enough of us in the world. But who knows, it seems even more difficult for women to let go and think outside the box. But those are the only women I am interested in at all so I've been alone for a very long while at this point.
I imagine DMT will come to me at some point. I'm not seeking it out yet but I'm excited for that. Other than DMT I don't plan on experimenting with any more drugs except the odd use of acid. I'm thinking of travelling to India but I'm not sure if it's worth it these days because it is being modernised. But I'm probably going to go cycling around India at some point and see what I can find.
