Advice, insight, toughtfulness, help, and ideas.

[to each his own]

Well I'm either going to be banned for writing the longest post in Bluelight history, or make anyone who reads what I have written fall asleep, or feel my thoughts are just ongoing rambles containing random self realisations and discoveries. What I have wrote are all thoughts, opinions, and ideas I have formed through my many misfortunes with substances and all of the negative impacts that eventually will come from them. I'm sure anyone that begins to read my post won't make it through till the end, but if you can please read as much as you can I hope you will be able to find some logic and sense in it all. Ha I also apologize in advance for sentences with many commas, forgive me pleaseeeeeee moderates!! I've written this all on my phone. God I even wrote a novel as an introduction. I will stop now. Please enjoy.

Your brain has more power and potential then you might think. Never doubt the ability that you possess to overcome an addiction. Giving in or lowering your chin leads you no where but down. Just because you feel awful, horrible, in pain, cravings, whatever it might be, you have to remember the worst of it is over in a week maybe even less. Sure after a week you may think multiple times a day, maybe even hundreds of times a day how great it would be to pack up a big ole nice bowl of kratom shake, or even swallow down some tabs, or trams, I and probably more than 75% of the people on this site know how much of a bitch cravings can be. When pain is added in it can become even harder. But being honest, and the truth hurts, you have to just suck it up. Pain, depression, anxieties, andw whatever else are hard to cope with, and a lot of times can lead to a collapse back into the choices and actions you are trying so hard to escape, but you cannot let those things overtake you.

Always remember there is no easier day than today to quit. Putting it off till tomorrow, or setting a goal to wean your self off of anything, is only baby-ing (if that is even a word) a problem. Every time you give in and do whatever drug or new age herbal junk that's out there you are only piling on to an already over flowed problem. Making it physically and mentally harder for yourself to stop.

Your first step is to make a mental list of all of the things you value in YOUR life, if you are a person like myself who tries to find value and beauty in nearly everything that exists around us, you should definitely add that as a factor. It's sad to me that there are people alive and even people I know that wake up everyday and never look up at the sky, or notice the deep green trees, or feel the earth beneath their shoes, and wonder and marvel at the divine beauty that surrounds us every single day. When making your list whether you use pencil and paper or make time for yourself to be completely alone and un-bothered for a few hours, you need to focus and think deeper and more thoughtfully than you ever have before. Dig out everything that you are, that you honor, and for what you live for. Keep in mind that this is the "list," in logic, that is going to give you the hope, confidence, inspiration, willpower, determination, and strength that will help you overcome your dilemma.

Maybe this seems like a ginormous waste of time or an absolute bullshit approach to finding a life on the other side of getting fucked. But I promise if approached in all seriousness it can become a good solid foundation and support to guide your life upon. What is so terrible about addiction is that you will always be an addict. I know in 20 years from now when I'm married and have a few little shits out discovering life for themselves, that from time to time I will remember and think about how it felt to rig tina, or h into my arm, or toke bud, or god do any of the silly ass things that I've done. Sure I will still want to get fucked up. Once you have experienced the levels reached on substances it touches you in ways that could never be achieved without them. But finding the beauty in who you are as a person and what is around you everyday can bring you joys and a level of peace and comfort that is polar opposite to being fucked up. Also remember that with months and years and decades of sobriety drugs will fade into just a thought, and nothing more.

Think back to your list. All of the things you love and cherish, honor and believe in, friends, family, nature, god whatever. With everything in mind, compare it to what you are experiencing now. Can you say that with how you feel now, each day waking up worrying about finding drugs and money, or driving with friends and risking fines or jail time because some gay ass cop pulled you over, can you say that it would be a better life than without drugs? If either of those are not a problem now they will be in the future. God all of the clouded thoughts and I don't know about you but sometimes my mind feels so overwhelmed and cluttered that its miserable. All of the negative things that drugs bring, could never out weigh who you are, and everything you believe and honor.

This "list," is only an aid in helping you stay clean. Knowing what you want in life your goals your dreams your ambitions, everything that you love and live for, artistic ambitions, sports, movies, video games, whatever it might be. If you compare and contrast between a sober life with all voids and cravings filled by a sweet job that you love, tons of money to travel the world, a beautiful wife that brings you happiness everyday, (these are only ideas) compare this to what drugs will bring you. I feel that you have only scratched the surface of how shitty drugs can become, and how great that is! Quick get out now! Ha I wish I would have been able to control myself. I've dug in deep and everyday I recover a little more and more of myself. They take you in quick and sometimes you don't even realize it. So with all of this shit being said I will end my first post on bluelight

 

[TINK]

Sounds like you needed to finally get this off your chest. This is the place to do it. We try our best to relate and be non-judgemental. Most of us have been in your shoes and can totally related. Welcome, glad you are here. The only way to move forward is to communicate with those people who have had your common issues and someone you trust. I never thought I could stop after 11 years og being an opiate addict, but I am going on almost 6 years clean.
Get some help and a solid support system, if you cant do that then surround yourself with people that are positive influences.

Good Luck and Welcome!

 

[laughingheart]

That was a really thoughtful post. I really appreciated being reminded about how beautiful the world really is.

 

[OverDone]

keep hanging in there, to_each_his_own.

Man, you make it sound so easy! For me, I had the desire to stop sticking that shit in my body but I didn't have the ability. It was all about the need for one more.

I'm glad you have found a plan that works for you

I'm especially interested in hearing how your list changes as time progresses. I've been encouraged to do something similar by others who incorporate something along the same lines as your list. Their input and experience has been rather interesting.

Many have suggested that when I get in a bad spot in my head that I should stop and immediately write out a list of things I'm grateful for. I haven't followed this suggestion but suspect I may need to soon

Welcome to TDS!!! Hope to hear more from you!

 

[to each his own]

You are an inspiration in many ways. Staying sober for 6 years is such an amazing accomplishment. Having the honor of your thoughts, and opinions gracing my post serves me with gratitude, appreciation, and respect.

I can break my troubles with substances down to nearly one underlying theme, the lack of care and respect for myself and my well-being. Sure I love myself at times, I have a perfect girlfriend that suits me in ways that I never could have imagined a woman capable of doing. I have kept the same job for nearly a year now, and for the most part my life is not really that bad at all, I even still have managed to keep a relationship with parents that love and support me (don't ask me how this is possible with the things that I have acted upon and put them through) a perfect situation to ad-lib in the saying "blood is thicker than water."

Both my parents and girlfriend are informed and knowledgeable of my struggles with sobriety as well as the rest of my family and friends. When I ponder on my misfortunes, strife, hardships, struggles, and problems they can all be related back to drugs. Stepping out of my body a few times a day it has become quite easy to spot where my battle with addictions have brought me. I have no personal belongings in fact the entirety of my possessions in this world can be packed and condensed into a single large suitcase.

I could write for hours about all of the things I lack, but I know all to well that without having to even explain myself you already understand. With that being said, my problem still resides in the lack of self respect. I falter to drugs over and over again because of the voids I have left unsatisfied in my life. An important key to my success will be to re-establish a sense of security and stability in my life. Replace getting fucked up with goals and things that I find joy and comfort in, things more enjoyable and meaningful than drugs.

 

[b4rd]

You speak of will power.

"Your brain has more power and potential then you might think. Never doubt the ability that you possess to overcome an addiction."

I agree with you that , the brain DOES in fact have much more potential than what many "anonymous" groups claim (or rather disregard).

Thank you for your post. good timing
keep preaching preacher. and WOW on a phone! props

 

[pastelcircus]

if you can pack your shit in a suitcase, then that means that you know what is important to you
now you can build your empire,
immaterial, material, what have you,
you're gonna have it

 

[to each his own]

I'm pretty pumped that I'm getting to hear from a few different people. I love trying to always gather as much info as possible. It's a blessing and a curse. My mind is like a dumbass vacuum taking in more than plenty. I'm sorry I came off preachy. I posted this originally in the "other drugs," subsection. This kid was asking for guidance and a bit of advice for ending a kratom/tramadol addiction, sprouted from a lortab habit brought on from a sports injury. The dumbass was playing with fire and I feel like he was just beginning to scratch the surface. He seemed depressed and searching, reaching out for a voice. So I tried to share something that I depend on time from time.

No one commented or mentioned what I had said. I was reaching out there for this fuck and idk, I do know that its picky and wrong to search for appreciation, for me I see it as learning, just wanting to hear how others feel and think and do. I wanted to try and bring the topic here and see if I could pull a reaction and a focus. Like I said I love conversing and gathering.

@pastelcircus I sat back and thought about what you wrote. It's so strange to me that, that mindset and mentality almost always seem out of my grasp, but yet I completely understand my predicament and what it takes to make it in this world. God damn drugs man fucking tearing my mind into shreds!