Foreigner
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 18, 2009
- Messages
- 8,309
I met a lovely guy through pure chance about a month ago and we have been seeing each other since then. He has been in recovery for 1 year from crystal meth and other substances (but meth was primary). From what he's told me, his life completely went into the gutter and he ended up homeless. Now he works for a charitable organization and is getting his life together. Still, it's been one year. According to him, this is his longest stint of sobriety in a very long time.
So I really like this guy, but I can only imagine how destabilizing it could be to rush into a new romantic relationship... so we are taking things slow. We like each other, but we aren't jumping into anything. And to be honest, that suits me fine. I have a history of co-dependent relationships that got too heated too fast, and I think it's better to get to know someone gradually this time. We have a connection and I'm keen to see it develop over time.
I also want to be realistic though. He is an addict and admits as much. He is very conscious of it and self-monitors for any behaviours that could get him into addiction territory. Even bad habits like scrolling through Facebook on his phone too much, he cuts himself off from. If he watches Netflix too much before bed every night and notices a rut developing, he'll cancel his account. He is very physically active as well, and has a robust community of support. So on the whole, he seems to be doing really well. I find his self-discipline and resiliency really attractive and I want to support him in that as much as possible.
I'm here because I'm asking for advice on how best to proceed into some kind of relationship with him while taking all pressure off. Like... I want him to know how I feel and that I'm interested, but I don't want to crowd him. We haven't even had sex yet. Just lots of cuddling and even taking naps together... and spending short amounts of time.
I guess my fear is that if we do get close, if anything happened to our relationship, I would feel awful if it caused him to relapse. I don't want to be responsible for such a thing. At the same time, he is a grown adult (older than me, in fact), and I respect him enough already to make his own choices. I do think I could be a good person for him, regardless. I work in health care and I have boat loads of compassion and patience.
Any thoughts on how to best proceed? Honest answers are all okay... even brutally honest.
So I really like this guy, but I can only imagine how destabilizing it could be to rush into a new romantic relationship... so we are taking things slow. We like each other, but we aren't jumping into anything. And to be honest, that suits me fine. I have a history of co-dependent relationships that got too heated too fast, and I think it's better to get to know someone gradually this time. We have a connection and I'm keen to see it develop over time.
I also want to be realistic though. He is an addict and admits as much. He is very conscious of it and self-monitors for any behaviours that could get him into addiction territory. Even bad habits like scrolling through Facebook on his phone too much, he cuts himself off from. If he watches Netflix too much before bed every night and notices a rut developing, he'll cancel his account. He is very physically active as well, and has a robust community of support. So on the whole, he seems to be doing really well. I find his self-discipline and resiliency really attractive and I want to support him in that as much as possible.
I'm here because I'm asking for advice on how best to proceed into some kind of relationship with him while taking all pressure off. Like... I want him to know how I feel and that I'm interested, but I don't want to crowd him. We haven't even had sex yet. Just lots of cuddling and even taking naps together... and spending short amounts of time.
I guess my fear is that if we do get close, if anything happened to our relationship, I would feel awful if it caused him to relapse. I don't want to be responsible for such a thing. At the same time, he is a grown adult (older than me, in fact), and I respect him enough already to make his own choices. I do think I could be a good person for him, regardless. I work in health care and I have boat loads of compassion and patience.
Any thoughts on how to best proceed? Honest answers are all okay... even brutally honest.