Advice for Shy People

[Opieator]

I am 18 years old, finishing up highschool

Problem is Ive never had a gf, Ive had a crush on this girl for close to a year and she recently started showing interest (possibly)- we hang out, cuddled 2 times, smoke weed together etc..

I guess you could say I have a fear of rejection, and I feel like if I am completely honest about my feelings towards her itl scare her away, shes the type of girl whose been with a good amount of guys and is pretty experianced whereas I am not. She is very pretty and nice to be around but also has her downsides, seems to be pretty selfish and self-centred, craves attention desperetely, also is a sympathy seeker.

I am the quitest person out out circle of friends, and when girls are around I am even more quite and that makes it seem like Im not interested in them or I dont want to talk to them. Has anyone on here learn to deal with this and how to get close to a girl

 

[jazz hands]

Don't worry about being shy, or about showing her your true feelings. You've cuddled with her already... she probably has a pretty good idea what you feel anyway. As for what to talk about, just try to keep her talking about her day, life, school, work, whatever. Ideally, you'll see that she wants to open up to you and you'll just encourage her.

Weed doesn't really help with confidence. I usually don't smoke before things that require confidence for this reason.

 

[Opieator]

I my heavy weed smoking doesnt help with getting the ladies at all, but its kinda hard to stop

 

[jazz hands]

Just wait to smoke until after you meet the girls. There are a lot of things in life that weed makes unnecessarily hard. Math, tense social situations, tedious work, etc, all suck while high. It is so much better to smoke after you're done with stuff like that IMO.

 

[powdakilla]

Just going to reiterate the same point a few other people made, Don't smoke weed before dates. Since you already have justified it basically, by saying it's hard to stop, you could benefit from hearing it again. Just don't. I could write a fricking book (a hilarious, but tragic, comedy) about the amount of times I've blown it with girls, because I was high.
You have accomplished the hard part, you have gotten her to hang out with you, and cuddle. Generally girls don't do that with guys they aren't interested in. Maybe instead of smoking with her, try having a few (and I mean just a few), drinks. The next time you are cuddling with her, and want to kiss her, just do it. It sounds harder than it is, and it is all in your head dude.
And there is nothing wrong with being the quiet dude in the bunch, just make sure that what you say counts when you say it. Not everyone is into the loud, overbearing, centre of attention types. It took me years to figure that out, and I forget it all the time still...good luck...

 

[augustaB]

Just try and think of "girls" as people like yourself. All hung up inside and absolutely no experience. Try not to think of the sexual side at all when you are around them. Maybe think of them as your sisters. Once the tension goes out of the situation, you'll be able to act more normally and be nice instead of goofy.

 

[thujone]

if you find that this girl is spending a lot of time with just you lately then there's a good chance she's just waiting for you to say something. The funny thing about having a fear of rejection is that it will never allow you to get what you want which is no better than asking for what you want and being rejected. Most girls won't make the first move so basically you have to be the man about it