I thought things were getting better, but I don't know now. I've been trying to taper off diazepam for a while now. From the start of trying to get off them- cold turkey, a seizure, put on 30mgs (jump from 80mgs which I was taking), attempted suicide and constant suicidal thoughts. I tried tapering still but what the doctor was prescribing was simply not enough. I managed to self medicate off the other benzos and have been sticking to the doctors orders without anything else since May.
I'm currently on 17mgs a day plus 90mgs of cymbalta.
I just feel empty and numb inside, with no emotion. I'm pretty sure it's to do with the SNRI medication I've been put on. My pet died and I didnt really feel anything. I've done stupid and reckless things to try and get some kind of emotion out of myself since then, I don't have the flight or fight response, no fear, no happiness, no sadness, no love. I feel like a fucking robot or psychopath. :/
On Tuesday I woke up at about 5am, sat around and waited for my friend sleeping over to leave, then took an overdose of betablockers and sleeping pills. I just remember being impatient for them to work, then being so fucked up I couldn't even put my underwear on. I woke up in the evening, stayed up till my routine doctors appointment in the morning. He could tell something was up, I admitted to what I took the day before. He took my vitals and found my pulse was dangerously low, so I was taken despite my wishes to A&E.
Pulse remained very low, going from 39- 44. I stayed for about 6 hours, had a shrink appointment. I was told I'd get a senior doctor to check my vitals, but luckily he never showed up and I got released really quickly despite my pulse still being shit. I couldn't sleep for another 2 days and have been pretty out of it. I saw my G.P the following two days as they thought I was released too fast. I was in a lot of pain physically, which has eased off. I've got a low heart rate, numb hands, cold/hot sweats, shortness of breath, palpitations, nausea and random pains physically.
Mentally before and after I feel emotionally dead. Is that just the depression? I'm confused. So confused.
To add: diagnosed with depression, anxiety, bulimia and PTSD by the doctors. I think there is something else though, I don't feel right. The snris have numbed my brain, so I don't feel depressed or anxious. The bulimia has turned into almost anorexia, if I lose a few more lbs. Losing weight is the best copying mechanism/ distraction for me now.
I stood on the edge of a roof the other night and felt nothing. I just don't know what to do, I feel nothing other than numb hands.
Suicide seems like a good solution, especially in knowing that this time, given my bodies feebleness, I could succeed. It doesn't scare me at all, and I suck at living.
I don't know where I'm going with this. Any advice from anyone who has tapered off benzos and/ or has tried cymbalta?
I'm currently on 17mgs a day plus 90mgs of cymbalta.
I just feel empty and numb inside, with no emotion. I'm pretty sure it's to do with the SNRI medication I've been put on. My pet died and I didnt really feel anything. I've done stupid and reckless things to try and get some kind of emotion out of myself since then, I don't have the flight or fight response, no fear, no happiness, no sadness, no love. I feel like a fucking robot or psychopath. :/
On Tuesday I woke up at about 5am, sat around and waited for my friend sleeping over to leave, then took an overdose of betablockers and sleeping pills. I just remember being impatient for them to work, then being so fucked up I couldn't even put my underwear on. I woke up in the evening, stayed up till my routine doctors appointment in the morning. He could tell something was up, I admitted to what I took the day before. He took my vitals and found my pulse was dangerously low, so I was taken despite my wishes to A&E.
Pulse remained very low, going from 39- 44. I stayed for about 6 hours, had a shrink appointment. I was told I'd get a senior doctor to check my vitals, but luckily he never showed up and I got released really quickly despite my pulse still being shit. I couldn't sleep for another 2 days and have been pretty out of it. I saw my G.P the following two days as they thought I was released too fast. I was in a lot of pain physically, which has eased off. I've got a low heart rate, numb hands, cold/hot sweats, shortness of breath, palpitations, nausea and random pains physically.
Mentally before and after I feel emotionally dead. Is that just the depression? I'm confused. So confused.
To add: diagnosed with depression, anxiety, bulimia and PTSD by the doctors. I think there is something else though, I don't feel right. The snris have numbed my brain, so I don't feel depressed or anxious. The bulimia has turned into almost anorexia, if I lose a few more lbs. Losing weight is the best copying mechanism/ distraction for me now.
I stood on the edge of a roof the other night and felt nothing. I just don't know what to do, I feel nothing other than numb hands.
Suicide seems like a good solution, especially in knowing that this time, given my bodies feebleness, I could succeed. It doesn't scare me at all, and I suck at living.
I don't know where I'm going with this. Any advice from anyone who has tapered off benzos and/ or has tried cymbalta?
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Allein, yeah Im very familiar with the manual, I showed it to my g.p as he had never had a patient trying to taper off them and thought coming off them as fast as possible was the best idea. I hate tapering, I hate benzos and being physically addicted. It's such a long ass journey to come off them, and Im not even close to 0. Congrats on managing to come off them!