Addiction...It controls me

[burntserkits]

I want to keep this going....but I am really worried because tomorrow is my first day without any sub. or anything. I am terrified...I hope I dont feel like shit. We will see....

There is no reason that you can't keep up with your recovery...except the self. You just have to grab hold of it by the reigns and take control. You can make it if you want it...I SWEAR! Time and boredom are often our worst enemies and best friends %)

 

[ControlDenied]

it's really just a matter of self control and trying to see your position in life from an outside point of view.

that's called mindfulness, in Buddhist and other meditative traditions. it means not just staring out of your animal body, craving and grabbing at things blindly, but being your own God and really by-passing emotion somewhat and kind of dissociating yourself a bit. not feeling stuck in your skin and uncomfortable in it as well.

i have recently realised this is the goal for me right now. whenever i have a craving to shoot up, i really just force myself now to look at it for what it is: disgusting. that works better, overall, than just trying to ignore it or fight it from within. that is necessary too, but being your own parent is how you grow from a child to an adult. that is the problem for addicts. being mature in a harsh world. we're a bunch of phantasm-fearers and escapist-masterminds

 

[suessmayr]

The above post is good. In my case I encountered what I suppose is roughly the Western equivalent of these ideas in Stoic philosophy - it helped me so much. Addiction is all about perspective. We get so caught up in our little never-ending cycle of pleasure and pain. The key is getting beyond it and retraining ourselves to feel normal amounts of depression and pain. I'm not convinced that life is fun or pleasurable. But it's preferable in my view to addiction at any rate.

 

[ControlDenied]

yeh, life really isnt meant to be too pleasurable. its meant to be kind of brown and gray. this can get you can get down at times, but eventually you have to accept it i guess.

 

[Carefree]

^No way man, life can be much more than brown and gray. I know exactly what you are talking about, but you just have to rise up into a more pleasurable life, and start to see the true colors of life. I shouldn't really be talking about how great life can be, because I'm struggling with a lot of stuff right now, but I know life can be great.

 

[morphonorconic]

Hey. I've responded to your thread over in OD. I just want to add that getting clean after prolonged use is no picnic, but in reality it is the easy part. Life is the hard part; staying clean is an immense challenge each day, and learning to live all over again is paramount to your success in doing so. It may be a long time before you begin to inadvertently feel 'good' again. In the meantime you have to choose to be okay and live your life, even when you feel down about things. (So much easier said than done, I know, but do it anyway)

Try to remember what you enjoyed doing before things got out of control. Do those things; rediscover yourself. Go out with family and/or friends, even when you don't feel like you want to. Be dilligent; work and stay busy. When you do, there is less time spent in your own head analyzing and rehashing the past, which only serves to perpetuate the disillusion you feel. Oh, and exercise too- it's good for your mind as much as it is for your body.

We're the same age, and I lost so much, including the girl I loved more than anything, from living the life that results from years of heavy opiate abuse. I hated and still hate when people tell me that "It will get better," but it is true. Give it time, be patient, and try to stay positive.

The absolute worst is "There are other fish in the sea." I fucking hate when people say that.

 

[xbloodwhipx]

Hi. So I am a decent person. I am an attractive 27 year old female. I am not big into church, but I am still a decent person. But about 2 or 3 years ago, I tried a roxy for the first time. (Oxycodone). I loved it so much. Then I kept doing more and more and more. I got into a habit of snorting 10-15 of the 30mg pills at a time if I could get my hands on that many. But I have been snorting them every day for the past almost 3 years. I LOVE them. But because of this addiction, I lost my boyfriend. I lost my job. I have stolen from family and friends. I have made stupid decisions and gotten arrested. What is my problem? If I could have my way, I would continue to use oxycodone every day for the rest of my life, even after everything it has done to my life. I have one suboxone that I am going to have to use now because I cannot afford anymore pills, since I am now jobless and searching for a job. But I am just wondering how you all feel about addiction. Why do we continue to want to do the drug, even after it has pretty much destroyed our lives? I feel like it is a friend of mine that I am losing when I have to stop. I could have stopped a long time ago, if I wanted to. Also, if I didn't know where to get any, I would have no choice but to stop. But there is always somewhere I can get it. It just amazes me how something like this can be in charge of a persons life.

I have an addiction to hydrocodone but its no where as bad as yours. i take them maybe 2 times a week recreationally. My worst fear is that i will develop a sudden allergy to them and die...