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Addiction is making me regretfull...

T

TrainerGold7

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 2, 2012
Messages
17
I'm feeling extremely regretful and depressed about something I should be proud of. I've carried on an 11 month relationship woth amphetamines (adderall and vyvanse). My scripts were pulled from me but I had a bottle of adderall and vyvanse left and have been abusing them like 2 or 3 times a week.

Last night while I was coming down I got so mad and sick of the feeling of crashing for 24 hours all the time so i flushed all the remaining pills except 4 so I could have one last time with them. I'm at the end of my comedown but now I'm feeling so depressed that all but 4 pills are gone. I should be glad I won't have to worry hurting my body from binging or having to deal with comedowns but I'm really wishing I hadn't done that. I want more good times with amps and now theres no way for me to get more...

I don' knowt I just needed to get this out and hope someone can share some encouraging words or experiences. My addiction has made me think that I have nothing to look foward to now without these drugs. Ugh maybe its because I'm still coming down a little but I just feel like I made a horribe mistake even though it'll probably benefit me...maybe=/
 
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I know exactly how you feel. You've been using for so long you forgot how to function without the drugs. To be honest, what you need is time, and support from friends and family in order to get better. You have realized you have a drug problem. That is the first step. Now you just need to detox. Some people can do it on their own, some can't. Flushing those pills will definitely benefit you. When I first came off of my suboxone, I literally just wanted to die. The withdrawals were horrible And the PAWS are still going on to this very day. I just keep telling myself, "It'll get better. It has to get worse before it gets better. These withdrawals WILL go away." That's what you need to tell yourself. Another thing that helps me is faith in a higher power. Idk if that's your thing, but it really does help some people get through situations like this. Once you get clean and stop using, and not have to depend on a drug to function normally, you will feel the best you've felt in a long time. It's a great feeling not having to worry about spending money on drugs, or needing to get your medicine filled. :)
 
Thanks for the reply :) I'm religious myself and I hope that will help me get through this. I really hope things will get better and soon..
 
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