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Relationships + Drugs addicted

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greenlight204

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 20, 2021
Messages
70
I'm addicted to a woman
I've been dating her for 4 years, we've broken up and gotten back together quickly too many times to count
I'm now realizing how much of my life I have wasted with her. She causes so many problems. I've never thought about calling the police on anyone in my life except for her.
She gives me all I want including all the drugs but I am addicted to just being with her as well. I have such an issue and I can't get out.
Tonight I looked up SLAA meetings
I've officially now spent all my money on her over 4 years (150k) on rent vacations hotels whatever and I have hit financial rock bottom
I lost my last job due to her just consuming all my time and I haven't gotten a new job since
I think about all the people I could have seen and the money I could have saved up and it kills me
No matter how many times I dump her I always come right back and I cant stop! Im fucking addicted to this woman!
IDK what to do anymore
The best years of my life are escaping me...
 
It sounds like you're recognizing that she isn't good for you and that it's time to move on. Perhaps you need to think about practical things you can do to achieve that?

Don't beat yourself up over the money and time you've lost, just make sure it's in the past.
 
greenlight204 said:
I'm addicted to a woman
I've been dating her for 4 years, we've broken up and gotten back together quickly too many times to count
I'm now realizing how much of my life I have wasted with her. She causes so many problems. I've never thought about calling the police on anyone in my life except for her.
She gives me all I want including all the drugs but I am addicted to just being with her as well. I have such an issue and I can't get out.
Tonight I looked up SLAA meetings
I've officially now spent all my money on her over 4 years (150k) on rent vacations hotels whatever and I have hit financial rock bottom
I lost my last job due to her just consuming all my time and I haven't gotten a new job since
I think about all the people I could have seen and the money I could have saved up and it kills me
No matter how many times I dump her I always come right back and I cant stop! Im fucking addicted to this woman!
IDK what to do anymore
The best years of my life are escaping me...
Click to expand...
Hey there. I’ve been there. Reminds me of a song “Self Esteem” by the Offspring. Anyway, you gotta get out of that mindset. You aren’t in love with this woman.

To me, it sounds like you’re addicted to a person. You are already asking questions about it. You realize that she’s causing you real pain. The best advice I can give is to leave and cut contact.

That might seem like an impossible thing. Remember that it isn’t. There is a way to do that. I don’t know exactly what that is. What I am sure of is this: It is possible to get away from the people who are harmful in your life.
 
Why would you need to call the police on her? Is she abusive @greenlight204?
You say she provides drugs but are you the one fronting the cash for this?
Sounds like a no brainer to me if the answer to those questions is yes.
And you're paying her rent?
May I ask what is so addictive about her? Is she incredible in bed? Cos to be honest man, there's really nice women out there who are total freaks!! You know what they say about the quiet ones...
Maybe you need to try and meet someone else to help you move on, as perhaps loneliness is what's driving you back and not so much her.
 
Perhaps it's time to consider why you are choosing to engage with someone you know is unhealthy for you to be with, especially for so long. There are reasons why we so often attract people that are really unhealthy for us (of course, not neglecting what we do or do not bring to the table), and sometimes issues related to co-dependency, low self-esteem, etc., can be factors. Among other things, of course. And like most human beings, we can look desperately for outside validation and accept all manner of crazy situations, attitudes and behaviors from people we choose to associate with, when in the healthiest of people, who truly love and accept themselves for real, that validation comes from within.

So whatever the reason is that you find yourself stuck in this spot, you have to ask yourself what either one of you are really gleaning from this relationship (from a healthy perspective) outside of what you have stated, and what you have to gain or lose by staying right where you are. Including, how much longer am I willing to sacrifice precious years of my life in an unhealthy relationship that I know is unhealthy. Good luck my friend.
 
A toxic relationship with a person is similar to a toxic relationship with drugs (addiction), in the sense that it's pointless to try and argue someone out of the relationship imo. You can lay out the most well-reasoned, rock-solid case that someone shouldn't associate with a person or a drug but they still will. The break has got to come from within and develop in an "organic" way imo. Hope you get to that point
 
@greenlight204
I’ve been there. It’s so hard. I was totally addicted to my ex. We broke up and got back together so many times. I finally did it though and have been doing reasonably well being on my own.
It’s crucial to cut the person out completely.
Good luck. You’ll eventually get there.
 
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