Hi all,
I try to keep it short. I've been suffering from depression + anxiety / social / generalized anxiety for >10 years now. I had my first appointment with my psychiatrist 6 or 7 years ago. Started with Sertraline, then Escitalopram, then Bupropion, now Mirtazapine. None of these have been helping me really with my anxiety - just for the depression, and always with side effects. I've even been to different docs and none would try something new.
So around 5 years ago I started experimenting myself with various medications. Xanax / Valium help a lot - but also kill all of my emotions. I see them, primarly Xanax, only as a emergency medication for an acute panic attack. So I didn't end up abusing them.
Other things I tried: Phenibut and GHB (came to it by searching for social anxiety meds / what helps with it.) Well, they work too well. I've had problems staying off of those subtances for a good 5 years now, always reaching for one or the other after staying a while away from them. Mostly for social situations, constant fear, uncontrollable thoughts or just situations that are seemingly impossible without meds.
I've ended up in the psych ward 3 times already because of addiction and withdrawal. Lost jobs, girlfriends, friends. Not just that, I can't enjoy life at all anymore. After some time of abuse (I'm talking about daily ~50ml GHB or ~10g Phenibut daily dosages) the drugs stop working - they turn on me - and I can't even fight the withdrawals with taking more. My cycle is pretty much: GHB until it doesn't work anymore - Phenibut for the withdrawals, then continue daily usage, when this doesn't work anymore - Diazepam / Pregabalin for the withdrawals. I mostly manage to somehow come out of the withdrawals / addiction with my cycle, but then again I have to face the sober life, which I can't. The PAWS / Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome is too strong. Constant, super high anxiety / panic, anhedonia, no energy to do anything. Social situations, even with friends or family - are hell. And then the cycle begins again, because I don't want to live a life like that. I would rather trade 10 years of lifetime than feeling like this. I think the continued usage of those drugs, in those dosages, screwed up my brain balance / GABA which needs a lot of time to heal.
What I also tried: Pregabalin. As you can imagine - it works wonderful for me by improving my life so much it's hard to describe. I feel like a 100-pound load off my shoulders. I can finally enjoy life without worrying 24/7 about everything. It is so stressful. It is a world where I don't have a thousand thoughts about what might happen or not. These thoughts literally paralyse me so I end up doing nothing for months.
As I said, I've been to many docs and I recently started to suggest Pregabalin as a prescribed medication - just so I have the supply, a plan how much and when I should take it (for example 3x 150mg daily, no more, no less) and to actually function in the daily life. The problem I had was, that I always experimented myself with the dosages and didn't have a plan how much to take, so I screwed up in the long term. The problem is, no psychiatrist or doctor is willing to prescribe me Pregabalin. They always end up giving me an antidepressant, which helps a tiny bit, but I think they just hit the wrong receptors... I don't need something that stabalizes my Serotonin / Dopamine / Noradrenaline, but rather my GABA (B) and Voltage Calcium Channels I guess.
The only advice they have: Face your fears, it will get better over time. But that's impossible for me. Not in the current state.
Does someone have any suggestions on what I can do in my situation? Are there any other medications for treating post acute withdrawal syndroms from GABA drugs / especially GHB / Phenibut? Or GABA - B?
I try to keep it short. I've been suffering from depression + anxiety / social / generalized anxiety for >10 years now. I had my first appointment with my psychiatrist 6 or 7 years ago. Started with Sertraline, then Escitalopram, then Bupropion, now Mirtazapine. None of these have been helping me really with my anxiety - just for the depression, and always with side effects. I've even been to different docs and none would try something new.
So around 5 years ago I started experimenting myself with various medications. Xanax / Valium help a lot - but also kill all of my emotions. I see them, primarly Xanax, only as a emergency medication for an acute panic attack. So I didn't end up abusing them.
Other things I tried: Phenibut and GHB (came to it by searching for social anxiety meds / what helps with it.) Well, they work too well. I've had problems staying off of those subtances for a good 5 years now, always reaching for one or the other after staying a while away from them. Mostly for social situations, constant fear, uncontrollable thoughts or just situations that are seemingly impossible without meds.
I've ended up in the psych ward 3 times already because of addiction and withdrawal. Lost jobs, girlfriends, friends. Not just that, I can't enjoy life at all anymore. After some time of abuse (I'm talking about daily ~50ml GHB or ~10g Phenibut daily dosages) the drugs stop working - they turn on me - and I can't even fight the withdrawals with taking more. My cycle is pretty much: GHB until it doesn't work anymore - Phenibut for the withdrawals, then continue daily usage, when this doesn't work anymore - Diazepam / Pregabalin for the withdrawals. I mostly manage to somehow come out of the withdrawals / addiction with my cycle, but then again I have to face the sober life, which I can't. The PAWS / Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome is too strong. Constant, super high anxiety / panic, anhedonia, no energy to do anything. Social situations, even with friends or family - are hell. And then the cycle begins again, because I don't want to live a life like that. I would rather trade 10 years of lifetime than feeling like this. I think the continued usage of those drugs, in those dosages, screwed up my brain balance / GABA which needs a lot of time to heal.
What I also tried: Pregabalin. As you can imagine - it works wonderful for me by improving my life so much it's hard to describe. I feel like a 100-pound load off my shoulders. I can finally enjoy life without worrying 24/7 about everything. It is so stressful. It is a world where I don't have a thousand thoughts about what might happen or not. These thoughts literally paralyse me so I end up doing nothing for months.
As I said, I've been to many docs and I recently started to suggest Pregabalin as a prescribed medication - just so I have the supply, a plan how much and when I should take it (for example 3x 150mg daily, no more, no less) and to actually function in the daily life. The problem I had was, that I always experimented myself with the dosages and didn't have a plan how much to take, so I screwed up in the long term. The problem is, no psychiatrist or doctor is willing to prescribe me Pregabalin. They always end up giving me an antidepressant, which helps a tiny bit, but I think they just hit the wrong receptors... I don't need something that stabalizes my Serotonin / Dopamine / Noradrenaline, but rather my GABA (B) and Voltage Calcium Channels I guess.
The only advice they have: Face your fears, it will get better over time. But that's impossible for me. Not in the current state.
Does someone have any suggestions on what I can do in my situation? Are there any other medications for treating post acute withdrawal syndroms from GABA drugs / especially GHB / Phenibut? Or GABA - B?
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